William Falkner - The White Rose of Memphis

“‘Ah, Miss Wallingford, you are an eloquent orator, and if Cæsar did have his friend Marcus Antonius to defend him, Demar has a more eloquent defender in you. I envy him, and would make any sacrifice to win such favors as fall to his share. I dare say you are quite lucky to have two such brave, good brothers as Demar and Wallingford.’

“‘Indeed, I think so, and am happy in the thought, too.’

“‘By the by, Miss Wallingford, you have lost that beautiful white rose that I saw on your throat a while ago.’

“‘You are mistaken, sir, I did not lose it.’

“‘Ah, indeed! I asked you to give it to me, and you refused; you certainly did not present it to another gentleman?’

“‘And why should I not give it to whom I pleased; was it not mine?’

“‘Hem! yes, I cannot deny that, but such partiality as that would clip an insult very close, and I am loth to believe such a charming lady as Miss Wallingford would offer an indignity to one who loves and who esteems her so highly as I do.’

“‘Now, Mr. Heartsell, I should be very unhappy if I thought I had given you any just cause for offense, but in this instance I must say it appears to me that you are manufacturing a mountain out of a mole-hill. If you desire it, I will present you with a basketful of roses this instant.’

“‘No, no; you shall do nothing of the sort. It was not the rose itself that I cared for, but it was the emblem which would have come with it. May I know who was the lucky donee?’

“‘Certainly you may, for I assure you there is no secret connected with it. I had the honor (she put the accent heavy on the honor) to present the rose to my noble, heroic brother, Edward Demar.’

“Now we should never use extravagant language, and we should worship no living being except God; but on that particular occasion I confess I committed such a sin; though if the recording angel sets it down against me, I believe he will credit me with a partial justification, at least. How could I sit there and hear the most charming woman in America boasting of the honor she had done herself by presenting a rose to me, and not feel an inclination to fall down and worship her? How could I hear her dear voice sounding eloquently in praise of me, without thinking extravagant thoughts? The fact is, I was so much excited that they might have heard the loud throbbings of my heart, if they had listened. I determined, however, to put an end to Mr. Heartsell’s little tete-a-tete , because I knew it would please her. I went round on the north side and passed across, coming up to where they stood, and coughed as I approached, in order to notify Lottie of my arrival.

“‘Your friends will be curious to know what has become of their fair hostess, Miss Wallingford,’ I observed, as I halted by her side.

“‘Ah, thank you, brother , for reminding me of my duty,’ she replied, as she took my arm and bowed stiffly to Heartsell. ‘We will finish our little quarrel at another time, sir.’

“‘No, no; the victory is yours, and I make an unconditional surrender. Render unto Cæsar that which is his, but don’t crowd things on him that don’t belong to him.’

“‘That fellow Heartsell is an impertinent scamp, and I mean to tell him so.’

“‘If you do you will displease me beyond measure, for I think he is a perfect gentleman; I am ashamed to say that I have treated him rather unkindly to-night, and I mean to apologize as soon as I have an opportunity.’

“‘Oh! very well, if you love him, you should let him know it by all means!’

“‘See here, Edward, I must request you not to mention Mr. Heartsell’s name in my presence any more to-night; and I will also ask you to excuse me now, as I must really mingle among my guests, and give them some attention.’

“Then she left me, and soon was surrounded by a crowd of young men. I did not have a chance to talk with her any more that night, and when I went home my mind was full of strange conjectures and conflicting emotions. One question appeared to be pretty well settled, and that was a perfect knowledge on my part that all my hopes of happiness would be destroyed if Lottie should refuse to marry me. Love is a strange passion, and no one knows how it can upset a man’s equanimity, unless he has learned it by actual experience. It is a passion that produces indescribable happiness to those who are loved in return, but of all the distressing pains and horrible torture that mortal man ever felt, that which he suffers when his mind is racked with doubt on that subject is the greatest. I had resolved a hundred times to have that question settled, but when in Lottie’s presence my tongue was paralyzed and my brain refused to lay out a sensible idea. I had ordered a jeweler to make an exquisite gold ring, with a beautiful diamond set, and had Lottie’s and my name engraved on the inside. This I had carried in my pocket for two weeks, intending to ask her to accept it as an engagement ring, but for reasons already stated I failed to do it. I had written out and memorized what I supposed to be an eloquent speech, which I intended to deliver with the ring, but my courage oozed out the very moment those large, beautiful blue eyes set their sight on me. Lottie had a strange habit of looking me square in the face, which never failed to set my limbs to trembling and my heart to thumping. I was considered a privileged guest at Mr. Rockland’s house, not by him, but by Lottie, and I visited there often, and was frequently so unlucky as to meet Mr. Heartsell there, and sometimes other young men who had entered the lists. I watched Lottie very closely, but I could not tell whether she loved any one of her suitors or not. So far as I was able to judge, she treated all alike.

“I spent at least three days of each week strolling about by Lottie’s side, half crazy with love for her, sometimes buoyed up with hope, at others struggling with suspense and despair. Summer was about to step out, and autumn was ready to walk in. The weather was hot and dry, while dust and heat hung about over all things. Vegetation was parched and withered by the long drought, while gloom and dust combined to make me very miserable, except when I was lingering with Lottie in her beautiful flower garden, which, owing to her industry, was always delightful and cool, for she had everything thoroughly watered every evening. The east side of her garden was thickly shaded with young magnolias, whose broad green leaves protected the thick velvety turf that covered the ground beneath. The west side was set apart for flowers alone, and notwithstanding the protracted drought that had prevailed, they looked as fresh and vigorous as they did in May and June. Old Uncle Zack, as Lottie called the old negro gardener, was always anxious to please his pretty nightingale (a pet name he had given Lottie). During her attendance at the Kentucky school, Uncle Zack had been the manager of her garden and her birds, and on her return she found that the duty had been faithfully performed. A charming summer-house stood near the east boundary of the garden, all covered over with clustering vines and blooming roses. It was at this delightful spot that I had spent so many happy hours with Lottie. A large wooden table sat in the center of the summer house, and low willow chairs were ranged around the sides, and when the weather was fine the table was covered with books, maps, sheet music, drawing materials, magazines and a guitar. Lottie called this her study, for that was the delightful spot where she practiced music and drawing and reviewed her studies generally.

“The time when I was to start to Philadelphia for the purpose of attending the medical lectures was near at hand, and still I had not been able to muster up the courage to make my love known to her. Doctor Dodson was anxious for me to start immediately, because he was uneasy about my health, which was on the decline, but he had no suspicions as to the cause. He thought that a trip to the sea-coast would be beneficial; then he had some business at New York and Boston which he wanted me to transact for him. I could have told him that no journey would restore my health. There was one thing, and only one, that could ever bring health and happiness back to me. I knew that could I be assured of Lottie’s love, all would be well with me; but if that was denied, I never would know health or happiness any more.