Джек Лондон - Theft - A Play In Four Acts

Hubbard

( Nodding his head and anticipating. ) And it will go to the Committee on Finance and come back for action inside of twenty-four hours.

Chalmers

By the way, I see Cartwright's Magazine has ceased muck-raking.

Hubbard

Cartwrights never did muck-rake – that is, not the big Interests – only the small independent businesses that didn't advertise.

Chalmers

Yes, it deftly concealed its reactionary tendencies.

Hubbard

And from now on the concealment will be still more deft. I've gone into it myself. I have a majority of the stock right now.

Chalmers

I thought I had noticed a subtle change in the last two numbers.

Hubbard

( Nodding. ) We're still going on muck-raking. We have a splendid series on Aged Paupers, demanding better treatment and more sanitary conditions. Also we are going to run "Barbarous Venezuela" and show up thoroughly the rotten political management of that benighted country.

Chalmers

( Nods approvingly, and, after a pause. ) And now concerning Knox. That's what I sent for you about. His speech comes off tomorrow per schedule. At last we've got him where we want him.

Hubbard

I have the ins and outs of it pretty well. Everything's arranged. The boys have their cue, though they don't know just what's going to be pulled off; and this time to-morrow afternoon their dispatches will be singing along the wires.

Chalmers

( Firmly and harshly. ) This man Knox must be covered with ridicule, swamped with ridicule, annihilated with ridicule.

Hubbard

It is to laugh. Trust the great American people for that. We'll make those little Western editors sit up. They've been swearing by Knox, like a little tin god. Roars of laughter for them.

Chalmers

Do you do anything yourself?

Hubbard

Trust me. I have my own article for Cartwright's blocked out. They're holding the presses for it. I shall wire it along hot-footed to-morrow evening. Say – ?

Chalmers

( After a pause. ) Well?

Hubbard

Wasn't it a risky thing to give him his chance with that speech?

Chalmers

It was the only feasible thing. He never has given us an opening. Our service men have camped on his trail night and day. Private life as unimpeachable as his public life. But now is our chance. The gods have given him into our hands. That speech will do more to break his influence —

Hubbard

( Interrupting. ) Than a Fairbanks cocktail.

( Both laugh. ) But don't forget that this Knox is a live wire. Somebody might get stung. Are you sure, when he gets up to make that speech, that he won't be able to back it up?

Chalmers

No danger at all.

Hubbard

But there are hooks and crooks by which facts are sometimes obtained.

Chalmers

( Positively. ) Knox has nothing to go on but suspicions and hints, and unfounded assertions from the yellow press.

( Man-servant enters, goes to tea-table, looks it over, and makes slight rearrangements. ) ( Lowering his voice. ) He will make himself a laughing stock. His charges will turn into boomerangs. His speech will be like a sheet from a Sunday supplement, with not a fact to back it up. ( Glances at Servant. ) We'd better be getting out of here. They're going to have tea.

( The Servant, however, makes exit. ) Come to the library and have a high-ball. ( They pause as Hubbard speaks. )

Hubbard

( With quiet glee. ) And to-morrow Ali Baba gets his.

Chalmers

Ali Baba?

Hubbard

That's what your wife calls him – Knox.

Chalmers

Oh, yes, I believe I've heard it before. It's about time he hanged himself, and now we've given him the rope.

Hubbard

( Sinking voice and becoming deprecatingly confidential. )

Oh, by the way, just a little friendly warning, Senator Chalmers. Not so fast and loose up New York way. That certain lady, not to be mentioned – there's gossip about it in the New York newspaper offices. Of course, all such stories are killed. But be discreet, be discreet If Gherst gets hold of it, he'll play it up against the Administration in all his papers.

( Chalmers, who throughout this speech is showing a growing resentment, is about to speak, when voices are heard without and he checks himself. )

( Enter. Mrs. Starkweather, rather flustered and imminently in danger of a collapse, followed by Connie Starkweather, fresh, radiant, and joyous. )

Mrs. Starkweather

( With appeal and relief. )

Oh – Tom!

( Chalmers takes her hand sympathetically and protectingly. )

Connie

( Who is an exuberant young woman, bursts forth. ) Oh, brother-in-law! Such excitement! That's what's the matter with mother. We ran into a go-cart. Our chauffeur was not to blame. It was the woman's fault. She tried to cross just as we were turning the corner. But we hardly grazed it. Fortunately the baby was not hurt – only spilled. It was ridiculous. ( Catching sight of Hubbard. ) Oh, there you are, Mr. Hubbard. How de do.

( Steps half way to meet him and shakes hands with him. ) ( Mrs. Starkweather looks around helplessly for a chair, and Chalmers conducts her to one soothingly. )

Mrs. Starkweather

Oh, it was terrible! The little child might have been killed. And such persons love their babies, I know.

Connie

( To Chalmers. ) Has father come? We were to pick him up here. Where's Madge?

Mrs. Starkweather

( Espying Hubbard, faintly. ) Oh, there is Mr. Hubbard.

( Hubbard comes to her and shakes hands. ) I simply can't get used to these rapid ways of modern life. The motor-car is the invention of the devil. Everything is too quick. When I was a girl, we lived sedately, decorously. There was time for meditation and repose. But in this age there is time for nothing. How Anthony keeps his head is more than I can understand. But, then, Anthony is a wonderful man.

Hubbard

I am sure Mr. Starkweather never lost his head in his life.

Chalmers

Unless when he was courting you, mother.

Mrs. Starkweather

( A trifle grimly. ) I'm not so sure about that.

Connie

( Imitating a grave, business-like enunciation. ) Father probably conferred first with his associates, then turned the affair over for consideration by his corporation lawyers, and, when they reported no flaws, checked the first spare half hour in his notebook to ask mother if she would have him.

( They laugh. ) And looked at his watch at least twice while he was proposing.

Mrs. Starkweather

Anthony was not so busy then as all that.

Hubbard

He hadn't yet taken up the job of running the United States.

Mrs. Starkweather

I'm sure I don't know what he is running, but he is a very busy man – business, politics, and madness; madness, politics, and business.

( She stops breathlessly and glances at tea-table. ) Tea. I should like a cup of tea. Connie, I shall stay for a cup of tea, and then, if your father hasn't come, we'll go home. ( To Chalmers. ) Where is Tommy?