hunnyfresh - Letters from War

"Stop smiling," Emma had commanded in a teasing tone as her lips continued playing with Regina's. "I can't kiss you properly."

That had only made Regina's smile grow, but at that point, Emma's senses were flooded. The salty sweetness of her lips, memorizing every new beauty mark on tanned skin, drowning in Regina, it was all she cared about.

Emma's fingers tingled as her hand caressed down Regina's arm, flesh prickling with goosebumps under the pad of her thumb as the older woman shivered her appreciation. Regina's breath puffed against Emma's neck with each shudder, warming her skin and speeding up her pulse. Emma's ears drummed, and for the first time, it wasn't the numbing ringing after years of hearing bombs go off or gunshots firing just by her shoulder. It drummed to the tune of her heat beating wildly in her ear, but as her lips made its way down Regina's temple, kissing away the tears stained on dampen cheeks, then showing devotion to the older woman's collarbone, Emma could have sworn the drumming was coming from Regina. Their hearts pounding in tangent, adrenaline and emotion coursing through them in such a short time span it was all too consuming.

Then Regina had quieted, her breathy sobs turning to sighs as Emma painted Regina's neck with her lips, and the blonde had enough sense to glance up in the woman's tightened hold to see her eyes drifting drowsily.

"Close your eyes," the blonde whispered, kissing the lids shut. "Rest."

"I should be telling you that," Regina mumbled though she burrowed herself further into Emma's embrace. "I'm fine."

"You're tired." And though her insistence to Regina, Emma suppressed her own yawn as exhaustion, both mental and physical, took hold of her.

Still Regina shook her head, peeking an eye open as she brushed their noses in contentment. "No I'm not."

"Regina," she warned.

"Emma." The younger woman's eyes drifted shut when Regina kissed her softly. "I want to stay awake with you."

"I'm sleepy," Emma tried, a long strand of silken hair draped daintily between two fingers as Emma wondered how this woman continued to be so perfect.

"Sleep."

Emma chuckled, her laughter vibrating against Regina's jaw in lazy comfort. "Will you be here when I wake up?"

Short fingernails paused their raking along Emma's pale back. Regina's voice was laden with exhaustion but more certain than ever. "If this is a dream I don't want to wake."

Her statement was dramatic and intense, yet all Emma could think was that she couldn't agree more. The months, the years spent separated, had her heart aching every day, but it got her here, home. She let the bliss settle over her when she felt Regina's breathing even out against her chest, and within a second Emma was holding her tight, following her into sleep.

That had been only a couple hours ago, this amazed wonder and ravenous desire consuming their every thought, yet here they were acting as if they had just woken from an awkward one night stand with splitting hangovers and no recollection of the night before.

Emma sat up, silently turning to the bedside table to get her hand and catching sight of the time. Half past one. They had slept for a little over an hour. She attached her hand in place then leaned against the headboard, pulling the duvet up and over her chest. She was acutely aware that Regina had been watching her intently, and as she nestled into the pillows, she caught hesitance in chocolate eyes where only an hour earlier they had been filled with love. What happened between now and when they had fallen asleep was disconcerting. Kisses and hugs replaced with confusion and distance. All Emma could feel were Regina's eyes boring holes into her like she was a zombie. Regina hadn't moved from her spot yet. In fact, she clutched the bedsheet tighter to her, knuckles whitening in her grip.

Before Emma could ask what was wrong, Regina shook her head, nearly burying half her face in the bedsheet as she spoke muffled. "You're here."

"Yeah."

Suddenly Regina shot up from the bed and hastily moved to the hamper just outside her closet door and slipped on an oversized t-shirt. Emma's, in fact. The US ARMY shirt reached the top of her thighs, and though she usually would never re-wear an item of clothing that was already deposited into the dirty bin, her mind was whirring too much to care. Her back remained to Emma when she moved to her dresser and rummaged through her drawers. The mirror offered the blonde full access to the worry lines creasing on Regina's face as she tugged open the drawer and grabbed the first set of panties she could find. The brunette rushed to slip them on but stumbled in her haste, losing her balance from her right leg and hobbled to lean against the dresser for stability.

The trip would have been endearing, and three years ago, Emma would have been clutching her sides in laughter and endlessly teasing a flustered Regina, but now was not the time for laughter or teasing. She had no idea what it was the time for, but not that. So as Regina muttered to herself, scrambling to find some semblance of pants, Emma slid out of bed and dressed quietly.

This was it. The other shoe was dropping. One night—or afternoon rather—of passion didn't just erase three years of pain. She wished it would, but this wasn't a fairy tale. They weren't in a movie, or some book, or characters on TV. This was real life, and in real life, people move on, they grow up. Sometimes they grow up separately. Emma was all too familiar with that concept.

It could have been worse, she reminded herself as she slipped on her grey tee which had been caught between the bed and the bedside table. At least she had this last time. Her eyes welled up with tears, and she let one escape as the fabric draped over her face, wiping it away as her head broke through. She managed to find her underwear and had stepped into them when Regina's panic-ridden voice had her straightening and turning quickly.

" Where are you going? " The older woman strained, clutching a pair of leggings to her chest. Emma's eyebrows crinkled in confusion, offering only a flopping mouth and half a shrug before Regina was moved into action again. She dropped her leggings and ran her hand into her hair, holding it out of her face as she paced the length of the vanity and dresser. "I just—I just need a minute. I just—"

"Okay."

"I mean, you're here. This is—this isn't a dream, you're here, right?"

"Yes."

" You're alive! " Regina huffed and scoffed out a breath like she was deeming herself crazy. "You're—just—"

"I know."

"You're dead. They said you were dead."

"I know."

"But you're here. I mean, we—we just—"

"I know."

" Why are you doing that? " She snapped. Her sudden pacing had stopped just as quickly and the hand in her hair moved to rest on her waist. "Why are you so okay with everything? How is this even remotely normal to you? You—you're back from the dead, Emma."

"I know, Regina," she sighed and sat on the bed.

"You can't know! This isn't just something that happens every day!" She resumed her pacing, this time holding her stomach as her eyes tracked the fibres of the carpet wildly. "You're here. You're here. After so long, you came back." She stopped dead and directed her rant to the wide-eyed blonde. "And, and you've been here this entire time," she said with quiet realization. "This whole time you were so close, and you didn't call. You didn't call once. You didn't even send a letter. How could you not let me know that you were alive?!"

"Regina—"

"I know," she interrupted holding a palm up, her voice lowering an octave in partial understanding. "I know you were scared, but—one phone call, Emma. Just one."

"I couldn't, Regina," Emma implored taking a step closer.