Robin Alexander - Murky Waters

“When she would call me into dinner, I would run in and wash my hands and face. Then, I would sit at the table praying that I would not spill or drop anything. One time, I accidentally knocked over my milk. She slapped me hard enough across the face to knock me out of my chair. She didn’t hit me very often, but when she did, it made a lasting impression on my memory, as well as my skin. Her words, however, were more painful than any slaps she could deliver.”

Lucy did not want to start crying again, but the far-off look and pained expression in Tristan’s eyes broke her heart into pieces.

She watched Tristan’s hands shake as she lifted her cigarette. Lucy could not fathom how traumatic it must have been for a small child to endure so much. She swallowed the lump in her throat as Tristan went on.

“I was such a tomboy. I loved climbing trees and building clubhouses. She would usually find me with a group of friends, and she would make a spectacle out of me. She would ridicule and berate me in front of all those kids and drag me in the house. I was so humiliated that I stopped seeking out other kids to play with.

114

Robin Alexander

“Whenever we went somewhere, she would complain the whole time that I looked like an orphan, even though she chose the clothes I wore. I was told every day of my life that I would never amount to anything, and if she ever had the chance to do it over again, she would have never had me.”

Lucy knew that she needed to let Tristan unload the horrible things that had burdened her throughout her life, but hearing it was tearing her up inside. More than once, she had to remind herself to be calm in front of Tristan, but what she really desired was to get a piece of Mallory Delacroix.

“When I was in my teens and my body began to fill out, she was especially harsh,” Tristan continued. “We went to the home of a friend of hers. She had a son my age, and he invited me to shoot pool with him in the game room. During our game, he came on to me. I didn’t entertain his advances; there was nothing appealing about him at all. I suppose he got tired of being put off, when he pushed me against the table and started pawing at me.

“Of course, my mom and her snooty friend came into the room at that moment. His mother told us that he had pulled that stunt before with another girl. She apologized profusely for his behavior and assured my mother that he would be dealt with.

“When we got into the car, my mother demanded to know what I had done to provoke him. She never gave me the benefit of the doubt. She was certain that I had enticed him, even after his mother told her that he had done the same thing to someone else.

She told me she would not have a slut living under her roof.

“I could go on for hours telling you what it was like to live with her. You know yourself she didn’t even attend my high school graduation. To be honest, I am glad she didn’t. That was one day I just didn’t want to be humiliated.”

Tristan felt true anger rise within her toward her mother for the first time in her life. “How can a child have self-esteem when her own mother hates her? The only thing that kept me from killing myself was knowing that it would bring her satisfaction.”

“Oh, God, Tristan. I knew she was hard on you, but I had no idea. Honey, you have to believe if I had any idea it was that bad, I would have taken you, damn the consequences. How could Mitchell have let this go on?” Lucy asked in tears.

115

Murky Waters

“Dad knew she was rough on me, but she saved most of her hatefulness for the times he was on the road with work. She behaved herself when he was home, but she released her fury on me when he left. The times she did haul off and hit me, she made sure I kept the marks covered. I was just too afraid to tell Dad because of what she might do to me when he went on his next trip.”

This time, it was Lucy who needed comforting. Tristan gathered her in her arms and held her until they both stopped crying. They spent the better part of the afternoon together, and Tristan continued to pour her heart out. Instead of feeling vulnerable and weak, she felt like a new woman. Someone she trusted was there for her and supported her.

116

Robin Alexander

CHAPTER NINE

The afternoon had gotten away from Tristan and Lucy. Tristan realized that Cam would be home soon. There was no way she could hide the fact that she had been crying, and she didn’t want him to see her that way. Lucy assured her that she would not tell Cam what they had discussed until Tristan was ready for him to know.

Lucy hugged and kissed Tristan before she left. “Sweetie, as long as I live, I will be here for you, and so will Cam. We love you very much. In my eyes, you are my daughter, and nothing will ever change that.” Tristan smiled and kissed Lucy goodbye and left before she started crying again.

When Tristan arrived home, Claire pulled in behind her. Tristan was still collecting her things when Claire walked up to the truck.

“I was wondering if you would like to have dinner with me tonight.” Her voice trailed off when she got a look at Tristan’s face.

“Oh, God, Tristan, what has happened? Are you okay?” Claire asked as she pulled Tristan into her arms. Tristan made no attempt to explain. She welcomed Claire’s embrace and allowed herself to be held. Claire took the keys from Tristan and opened the door.

She led Tristan into the house where she took her into her arms again. “Tristan, are you all right, baby?”

“I know I look like crap, but I really am all right. I spent the afternoon with Lucy. We discussed some things about my childhood, and it really upset me, but I feel better now that I got it off my chest. Please forgive me, but I am not emotionally up to rehashing any of it right now.”

117

Murky Waters

“That’s okay, I understand. Would you prefer to be alone tonight, or would you like some company other than Ralph?” Claire asked with a smile.

“I would love it if you stayed with me again. I don’t feel very much like going out, though. You mind if I cook for us instead?”

Tristan said.

“I have to run home and get some more clothes for tomorrow.

While I’m out, I’ll pick up dinner. You will open a bottle of wine and go soak in the bath until I get back. It will relax you, I promise. If I return to find you still in these clothes, there’s gonna be trouble, missy!”

Tristan smiled and kissed Claire. “Yes, ma’am! I only have one request.” Claire raised a brow inquisitively. “I would like Chinese.

Either cashew chicken or sesame kitten with fried rice,” Tristan said as she made her way to the bathroom.

Claire laughed. “You better hope Ralph didn’t hear that kitten comment, or you may be missing some more skin tonight.”

Tristan splashed her tear-stained face with the water from her bath. What she really wanted was a shower but opted for a soak in the tub. Claire was right, it had soothed her nerves.

Tristan lay back in the tub, letting the hot water surround her and remembering her conversation with Lucy regarding Claire. As much as Tristan wanted to guard her heart, she realized Claire already owned it, and it wouldn’t matter if Claire walked away today or ten years from now, it would still hurt the same. She had toyed with their relationship, thinking she could enjoy Claire and not allow herself to lose her heart.

She had really only considered her feelings until then, but the look in Claire’s eyes that night had spoken volumes. It would kill her to break Claire’s heart. And with that in mind, she resolved herself to hanging on to Claire as long as she could. All plans to run away went down the drain with her bath water.