Robin Alexander - Murky Waters

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Murky Waters

Tristan lit up a cigarette and rolled down the window a bit to ventilate the truck. She glanced quickly at Claire, hoping that she had not woken her. Confirming that Claire was still asleep, Tristan stole another glance at her and silently mused to herself. “What have you done to me, Claire? I don’t know if I should do this.

You’re the only woman I have ever met who has made me feel like a real person, someone who could be loved.”

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CHAPTER EIGHT

After a quick stop at Claire’s place to pick up some clothes, they arrived at Tristan’s house just before dark. Tristan was pleased that Claire enthusiastically agreed to stay with her another night.

They ordered a pizza for dinner and relaxed in front of the TV for the better part of the evening. Ralph decided to be cordial for a change and curled up in the pit of Claire’s stomach. All three of them spent the evening as couch potatoes.

Tristan internally questioned her sanity when she had asked Claire to stay with her again. The question flew out of her mouth before she had given any thought to it. She felt as though she had reached a milestone. The old fear that she had suppressed was still lurking deep below the surface, and she wondered how long she would be able to keep it at bay.

The following day, Tristan walked into Claire’s office midmorning. “Claire, I have somewhere I have to be around lunchtime. Would you like me to pick something up for you?”

Claire thought Tristan’s behavior a little odd when she didn’t elaborate on where she was going. Since Claire had been at Valor, they always had gone to lunch together.

Claire smiled. “No, don’t go to any trouble. I’ll order a sandwich or something; I’m not really that hungry.”

Tristan nodded. “I’ll be back soon. Call me on my cell phone if you change your mind.”

Tristan knocked at the door of the two-story brick home of Cameron and Lucy Hughes. She didn’t wait long before Lucy 111

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opened the door and invited her in. Walking into the spacious gourmet kitchen, she could smell the aroma of Lucy’s famous chicken spaghetti. Tristan grinned. Lucy always cooked her favorites when she came to visit.

“Sit down, sweetie. I have already made a plate for you.

Your iced tea is coming up,” Lucy said as she filled the glass with ice.

The conversation was light as they ate. As usual, Tristan complimented Lucy on her culinary skills, at which Lucy would scoff and laugh. Tristan told her all about the trip to the Myrtles, and Lucy thought she recognized a gleam in Tristan’s eyes that wasn’t there before.

After lunch, Lucy refilled their tea glasses and invited Tristan out to the patio because she knew Tristan liked to smoke after she ate.

Lucy also had a feeling that something was up with her adopted daughter because Lucy was always the one to invite Tristan over.

This time, Tristan had called her.

Tristan sat down at the wrought iron patio table and lit her cigarette. Lucy sat across from her, waiting for Tristan to open up and say what was on her mind. Tristan made small talk about the weather, toying with the cigarette in her hand. Lucy couldn’t stand the suspense any longer.

“Tristan, baby, what is going on in that head of yours? I know you like my cooking, but there is something on your mind, and to be honest, I will reach over this table and choke you if you don’t tell me what it is right now.”

Tristan was quiet for a few minutes. She stared at the table, hoping to find a way to express what she was feeling. “Lucy, I am so afraid of what is happening between me and Claire. I’ve never met anyone like her. Unlike so many I have dated, she makes me feel like she really cares for me. I’m so afraid she will wake up one morning and decide she doesn’t want to be with me, and I don’t think my heart can take it. I’m to the point that I want to break things off with her out of fear that will happen.” When she did look up at Lucy, Tristan’s eyes were rimmed with tears threatening to spill over.

Lucy reached over and took Tristan’s hand. “Baby, we all fear that going into a relationship. There are no certainties in life or 112

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love. I will tell you this, though. I think Claire really does care for you, and I think given a little time, that will develop into love.”

Tristan fought against the lump in her throat. “Lucy ...” Tristan stammered a moment. “Why would she love me? Why would a woman like that want to stay with me?”

“Baby, why on earth would you even think that? You have a lot to offer her. The problem is, you don’t see that in yourself. I know your mother did a lot to undermine your self-confidence. As long as I live, I will never understand why she did that. Tristan, you are a beautiful woman inside and out.” Lucy’s eyes welled with tears as she spoke; her heart broke because of the pain radiating off the woman sitting before her.

Tristan broke into sobs. “You and Cam have always been so supportive and loving. You’ve both told me that all these years, but it is so hard for me to believe.”

Lucy got up and went to Tristan’s side of the table. She took her into her arms and held her until the tears subsided. “Tristan, listen to me, honey. There is no way to sugarcoat this; I have to say it plainly. Your mother is a mean-spirited woman. Frankly, I think she hated herself; therefore, she couldn’t really love anyone else.

“Tristan, Cam and I couldn’t love you more if you were our own flesh and blood. We used to lie awake at night trying to figure out a way to keep you with us. That’s why we came and got you for the weekend so often. We were so afraid of hurting Mitchell because he loved you with all his heart, but we always dreamed of taking you and running away.”

Tristan looked at Lucy incredulously for a moment. “I honestly had no idea you and Cam felt that way. Don’t get me wrong, I knew you loved me, but I always thought it was because of your loyalty to my dad. I don’t mean any disrespect by that, but I know how close you were with him.”

Lucy pulled Tristan back into her arms. “Baby, we spent time with you because we loved you as though you were our daughter and still do. I still have all your pictures throughout your school years, and when you graduated high school, we could not have been prouder. We love you, Tristan, just because you’re you.”

Tristan hugged Lucy back, finally accepting in her heart that someone aside from her dad truly loved her. The tears began anew.

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Lucy chose her words carefully. “Tris, honey, you have kept a lot bottled inside. I have never pushed you to talk about your mother, but I think it’s time you let it all out. I know you have harbored a lot of guilt and pain, and unless you let it go, it will continue to affect you all your life. If it is not dealt with, it could very well cause you problems in your relationship with Claire.”

Tristan held on to Lucy a little longer before she spoke. “If I’m going to talk about this, I will need to smoke. It makes me a nervous wreck.”

Lucy returned to her seat but pulled it closer to Tristan. She waited patiently for Tristan to calm herself enough to speak. Lucy looked at the woman across from her and felt her stomach tie in knots. Deep in her heart, she dreaded what she was about to hear.

Lucy silently wished Cam had been there for both of them.

Tristan lit a cigarette and sipped her tea. “I have no pleasant memories of my mom. I used to cry in my room when Dad left to go out on work trips; I hated to be alone with her. When he was away from home, I stayed in my room or outside for as long as I could.