Danielle Steel - Accident

“Neither can I,” he said, looking tired. Stephanie was pushing him like crazy to leave Page, and marry her, and he knew he needed to make a decision.

And in a way, everything he'd shared with Page was being destroyed moment by moment. Their marriage, their child, their relationship, their trust. In an odd way, to him, Page seemed like the past, and Stephanie the future. But when they lay in bed that night, the past began to stir him.

Andy was asleep, and their door was closed. Page was reading quietly in bed, ignoring him, and suddenly he was kissing her as he hadn't in months, with a passion and a fire she scarcely remembered. At first, she resisted him, but he was so forceful and so aroused, that before she knew what had happened to her, Brad had her nightgown pushed up and pressed himself against her. And much as she didn't want to make love to him again, she found her resistance melting. He was, after all, still her husband, and only weeks before she had thought that she still loved him.

And then slowly, exquisitely, he entered her, and as he did his passion died instantly along with his erection. He tried to cover it for a while, and then to revive the flames, but it was obvious that his confusion and his pain had affected more than just their marriage.

“I'm sorry,” he said hoarsely as he lay on the bed next to her, furious at what had happened. She was still breathless, and bitterly annoyed at herself for giving in to him. In the context of what was happening to their lives, it seemed wrong to sleep with him, even though he was still her husband. And she didn't want to be part of a team sleeping with him, or open herself up to getting hurt by him again, as he had already hurt her.

“You can't lie to your body, Brad,” she said sadly. “Maybe that's your answer.”

“I feel like a fool,” he said angrily, as he stalked across the room, his handsome form looking better than ever. But she had to deal with reality now, and no matter how much she had once loved him, it was over. For now, at least, and maybe forever.

“Maybe you'd better make up your mind before we screw things up worse than they are,” she said reasonably, and he nodded. This was ridiculous, and not good for anyone. And it seemed odd to him that in the past year, he had frequently gone straight from Stephanie's bed to hers, with only a few hours breather, and it had never been a problem. But now that she knew, it changed everything. He was almost sorry he had told her, except that he had needed the freedom. He owed Stephanie something too, and he hadn't been doing her justice either. He was surprised how much he liked living with her, and how easy she was to be with. She wanted him to move in with her now, and she had recently threatened to leave him if he didn't. But what he really wanted was to put Page away for a while, like in a closet, or a deep freeze, spend a year with Stephanie, and then come back to find everything the way it had been. It would have been nice if he could do that.

“Maybe I should move out,” he said miserably, sitting next to her on the bed again. Suddenly all he wanted was to see Stephanie and prove that he wasn't impotent. His little episode with Page had scared him.

“I'm not pressuring you to do anything,” Page said quietly, her long, lean body naked under the thin nightgown, but he wasn't looking. She felt stupid for letting him make love to her, and suddenly she longed for Trygve.

“I think whatever we do, it should be fairly soon. I don't think I can take a lot of this …and neither can Andy. Your coming and going and disappearing acts are a little wearing,” she said sadly.

“I know.” But in the past two weeks nothing in their life had been normal. In his own way, he was as traumatized as Page and Andy, and he was not making great decisions. “Let's just see what happens.”

She nodded, and went to take a long bath, trying not to think of Trygve. She didn't want their relationship to be a result of Brad's rejecting her, or the trauma of the accident either. If anything happened with him, she wanted it to be because they genuinely had something good to share, and could have a good life, or a good time, or were meant to be together. She wanted it to be right …and nothing like what had happened with Brad. She knew it was going to be hard to trust anyone now, even Trygve.

Brad was asleep when she went back to bed, and gone the next morning when she got up. He left a note, saying he was playing golf, and he wouldn't be home for dinner. He didn't say what club he was playing at, or with whom, and she knew instantly that it was a lie. He was with Stephanie, the night before had frightened him, and he was running away to her for reassurance. She threw the note away and sighed just as the phone rang.

“Hi, Page, how's life?” It was Trygve who was calling about Andy. He knew he couldn't play baseball with his broken arm, and he wanted to know if she'd like to leave him to play with Bjorn when she went to see Allie. Unless Brad wanted to be with him, of course, but he suspected correctly that that might not happen.

“My housecleaner is here today, and she could keep an eye on both of them. I want to spend some time with Chloe,” Trygve explained.

“He'd love that,” Page said, grateful for his help again. Whatever else happened between them, he had been a remarkable friend to them, and she would never forget it. “I'll tell him. What time do you want him?” It was ten o'clock then, and she wanted to be at the hospital by eleven.

“Just drop him off on your way. I'll tell Bjorn, he'll be thrilled. He was upset at my going over to see Chloe without him. But he gets so restless after a little while when I take him. He plays with everything, and he drives the nurses crazy.” She laughed at the image, but knowing Bjorn now it wasn't cruel, it was touching.

Andy was thrilled with the invitation, and the woman who cleaned house for Trygve once a week promised to watch them. She seemed very nice, and Page felt comfortable leaving Andy there. The boys disappeared immediately to Bjorn's room to watch a video, and Page gave Trygve a ride to Marin General.

“How's it going with Brad?” he asked gently on the way, “or should I mind my own business?” It was a little bit more his business now too, he had a vested interest in all of this suddenly, but he didn't want to pressure her and she was looking unhappy. She was still uncomfortable about the night before, and sorry it had happened. In an odd way she felt slightly guilty toward Trygve.

“It's difficult. I think we're in the last throes, but he's afraid to admit it.”

“What about you? Are you ready to move on?” He had a stake in this now, and wanted to know what she was feeling.

She glanced at him as she drove, she wanted to be honest with him. She liked him too much not to be. “I don't want to move too fast … or do anything stupid … I don't want …” She struggled for the words, but he already understood, and he was comfortable with it. He wouldn't have expected anything different. “I don't want to do something on the rebound. Or something we'll regret that will hurt us later.”

“Neither do I,” he said calmly, leaning over to kiss her cheek. “I'm not going to push you, or do something we'll both regret. You have all the time you need. And if you can work things out with Brad again, then I'll be sorry for me, but happy for both of you. Your marriage comes first …and after that, I'm here if you need me.”

She pulled into a parking space at the hospital, and turned to look at him, grateful for all he'd said. The funny thing was that in spite of what she'd once felt for Brad, Trygve was everything she wanted. “How did I ever get so lucky?”

“I'm not sure I'd call it that,” he laughed ruefully. “We've paid a hell of a price for all this, you and I. Bad marriages, maybe mine more than yours, but yours doesn't seem to be such a peach either …the accident …our kids almost died …maybe we've earned this.” She nodded. It was true. The accident had changed everything, but maybe in the end, it would bring them blessings too. It was hard to know yet. “I love you, Page,” he said softly then, and leaned toward her and kissed her. He put his arms around her and pulled her close to him. They sat there quietly for a long time, feeling at peace in the May sunshine. It had been exactly two weeks since the accident. It was hard to believe it.