Danielle Steel: Changes

“Everything is fine. What about Iris Lee? Is there any reaction to the drugs yet?”

“Not yet.” She had had the transplant two weeks before, and everything seemed to be going well, but Peter didn't have a lot of hope for her. They hadn't gotten a heart in time, and had had to put a child's heart piggyback with her own. Sometimes the technique had worked well for him, but Iris had been so frail, in her case it had been a desperate move, and he had been expecting the worst for days. And this time, Mel wouldn't be there for him. It was like in the days after Anne's death. He was alone now. And even lonelier than he had been when Anne died.

“Jess?”

“Yeah?”

Val lay on her bed after school, while Jessie sat at the desk in their room. “Do you ever wish we'd go back to New York?”

“Sure.” She turned to look at her twin. “Lots of times. There's nothing wrong with that. We lived there for a long time.”

“Do you suppose that's where Mom went?” She had been thinking about it all day.

“I don't know. I don't know where she'd go. She might even be in L.A.”

“And not call us?” Val looked horrified and Jessie smiled.

“Would you call us if you felt like that?”

Val shook her head. “I guess not.”

“Neither would I.” She stared out the window then with a small sigh. “I blamed everything on her, Val. Everything. It was so fucking unfair, but all the decisions were hers. She always used to ask us what we thought about things, and this time she just went ahead, and pulled us out of school, moved out here …” She thought about it for a long time. “I guess I was pissed at her for taking the decisions out of our hands.”

“She must have thought she was doing the right thing.” Val looked sad and Jess nodded her head and looked at her.

“The bitch of it is that she did. I like Peter, don't you?”

Val nodded her head again. “All I could think of when I heard we were moving out here was Mark.”

Jess smiled. “I know that. It sure didn't help me much while we were leaving New York. Mom had Peter, you had Mark. And I had shit.” She grinned. It didn't seem so awful now. She liked their school, and she had met a nice boy a month or so before. For the first time in her life, she had met someone she really cared about. He was twenty-one, and she had a feeling that her mom was going to have a fit, especially after what had happened with Val and Mark. But she knew that this was going to be someone special to her, and she sat staring into space with a distant smile.

“What are you grinning about?” Val had been watching her. “And you sit there with a happy smile. What's up?”

“Nothing much.”

But instantly Val knew. Jess may have gotten the better grades, but Val knew men. She zeroed in on her sister with narrowed eyes. “Are you in love?”

Jess looked at her with a smile. She hadn't want to tell her yet. “Not yet. But I met someone nice.”

“You?” Val looked stunned, and Jessie nodded, unwilling to say more. But Val didn't look impressed. “Just watch out.” They both knew what she meant, and Val had been right. She'd learned one of the toughest lessons of life, and she wouldn't forget.

Mrs. Hahn served them dinner silently that night, and Peter didn't get home till nine o'clock. Matthew was already in bed, tucked in by Jess, Pam, and Val, and Peter went upstairs to check on them. “Everyone all right?” They were a quiet group, but everyone nodded as he went from room to room. He had had a rough day but there was no one to tell, he stopped in the twins' room and stared at Jess. “Any word from your mom?” She only shook her head and he went back downstairs, just as Mel drove up San Francisco's California Street on Nob Hill, and checked into the Stanford Court Hotel. It was a refreshing change from the motels she'd been staying at, and the room was all done in gray velvets and silks and moiré, and she collapsed on the bed with a tired groan. She felt as though she had been driving for days and days and days, and she reminded herself to slow down a bit. She hadn't made her mind up yet, and she didn't want to lose the baby before she did. She had a responsibility to it, if it was going to live. She lay awake thinking about it that night, about how angry Val had been, Jess's fury over just how many changes she expected them to make … Pam's hostility and ploys for attention for herself, even poor little Matt's hurt, and Peter's expectation that she would have the baby in spite of it all, as an antidote to his constant bouts with death in the operating room. It all seemed terribly unfair. She had to have it, or not have it, for all of them. Once again, the issue was them and not herself.

She walked through Chinatown the next day, and then drove to Golden Gate Park, and wandered through the flowers. It was almost May … May … she had met Peter almost a year before, and now here she was, and when she got back to the hotel, she took her little phone book out of her bag, dialed 8 for long distance, and called Raquel. It was eight o'clock in New York and they hadn't heard from her in months, Mel didn't even know if she had a job. Or she could have been out, but she picked the phone up on the first ring.

“Hello?” She sounded as suspicious as she always did and on her end Mel grinned.

“Hi, Raquel, it's me.” It was like calling home from far away in the old days, and she had to remind herself not to ask how the twins were. “How are you?”

“Mrs. Mel?”

“Of course.”

“Is something wrong?”

“No, I just thought I'd call and see how you were.”

“I'm fine.” She sounded pleased. “How are the girls?”

“They're wonderful.” She wouldn't tell her about Val. She was all right now. “They like their school, everything seems to be working out.” But as she said it, her voice trembled and tears filled her eyes.

“Something's wrong!” It was an accusation this time, and Mel felt tears rise in her throat.

“Absolutely not. I was in San Francisco for a few days and I got lonely for you.”

“What are you doing there? You still working too hard?”

“No, it's not as bad. I only have to do the six o'clock.” She didn't tell her what an agony the job had been. “And I'm just here to take it easy for a few days.”

“Why? You sick?” She had always been to the point and Mel smiled. What was the point of fooling her?

“To tell you the truth, you old witch, I ran away.”

“From who?” She sounded shocked.

“Everyone. Peter, the kids, my job, myself.”

“What's happening to you?” It was obvious that she disapproved.

“I don't know. I guess I just needed some time to think.”

“About what?” She sounded angry at Mel now. “You always think too much. You don't need to think.” And then, “Is your husband there?”

“No, I'm here alone.” She could just see Raquel's face, and she wondered why she had called, but she had wanted to hear a familiar voice and she didn't want to call home.

“You go home right now!”

“I will in a few days.”

“I mean now. What's wrong with you? You going crazy out there?”

“A little bit.” She didn't want to tell her about the baby yet. She still needed time to make a decision about that. And there was no point telling anyone if she was going to get rid of it. In L.A., she could always say that she lost it because she worked too hard, and no one knew at work yet.” I just wanted to know if you were all right.”

“I'm fine. Now you go home.”

“I will. Don't worry about me, Raquel. I send you a big kiss.”

“Don't kiss me, go home and kiss him. Tell him you're sorry you ran away.”

“I will. And write to me sometime.”

“Okay, okay. And give my love to the twins.”