Danielle Steel: Changes

“May I remind you that my daughter is not the one who got pregnant earlier this year.” It was a low blow and he knew it as soon as the words were out. But it was too late to turn back now.

Mel stared at him with hatred in her eyes. “Touché. And we can thank your son for that.”

“Look, Mel … why don't we calm down and talk …"H e was suddenly frightened by the look in her eyes, and he knew she wasn't supposed to get upset, but she had made him so angry.

“You're half right at least. I'm going to calm down, but we are not going to talk. Not now anyway. I'm walking out of here tonight, and you can manage the kids on your own. In fact, you can sit here and figure out what you want to do about them, this house, and me.”

“Is that an ultimatum, Mel?” His voice was strangely still.

“Yes, it is.”

“And what do you do in the meantime?”

“I'm going away to make up my mind about a few things myself. What I want to do about living in this house, whether or not I want to quit my job, and if I want to get rid of this kid.”

“Are you serious?” He looked shocked, but she suddenly looked frighteningly calm.

“I'am.”

“You'd get rid of our child?”

“I might. You all seem to assume that I have to do as I'm told, what's expected of me. I have to be here day after day, I have to put up with Mrs. Hahn, I have to take anything the kids dish out, I have to live with Anne's pictures staring me in the face, I have to drive Pam to the shrink day after day, I have to have this baby no matter what … Well, guess what? I don't. I have choices to make too.”

“And I have nothing to say about any of it?” He looked furious again.

“You've said enough. You defend Pam every time I open my mouth. You tell me how marvelous Mrs. Hahn is and I tell you I hate her guts, you tell me this is your house, and you assume that I have to have our child. Well, I don't. I'm thirty-six years old and frankly I think I'm too old for this. And I'm much too old to be taking this kind of shit from anyone, you, or the kids.”

“I wasn't aware I'd been giving you shit, Mel.”

She looked sadly at him. “I've changed my whole life for you in the past six months, given up my job, my home, my town, my independence. I have a job out here which may or may not work out, but is something of a step down for me, and working with a real sonofabitch. You don't seem to appreciate any of that. And for you, everything is status quo. Your kids still have their own rooms, own house, pictures of their mom everywhere, their housekeeper, their dad. The only inconvenience is that now they have to put up with me. Well, if any of you expect me to stick around, maybe you'd all better start thinking about what changes you're going to make. Or I may make a few big changes and go home.”

He looked terrified but his voice was firm. “Mel, are you leaving me?”

“No, I'm not. But I'm going away for a week to think things out for myself, and decide what I want to do.”

“Will you have the abortion while you're gone?”

She shook her head and fought back tears. “I wouldn't do that to you. If that's what I decide, I'll tell you first.”

“It's getting awfully late for that. There would be a risk involved.”

“Then I'll have to take that into consideration too. But right now, I'm going to think about what I want, not what you want, or you expect, or what makes you comfortable or the kids needs. I have needs too, and no one has given two shits about them in a long time, not even me.” He nodded slowly, devastated that she would leave, even for a week.

“Will you let me know where you are?”

“I don't know.”

“Do you know where you're going?”

“No, I don't. I'm going to get in the car and drive, and I'll see you in a week.” She was leaving him with a lot to think about. She wasn't going to be the only one thinking things out that week.

“What about your work?”

“I'll tell them I'm sick again. I'm sure Paul Stevens will be thrilled.”

And he knew that he had to say something to her then, before she left, before she threw it all away in her head. “I won't be, Mel. I'll miss you terribly.”

She looked sad as she walked away with her valise. “So will I. But maybe that's the whole point of this. Maybe it's time we both figured out how much this all means to us, how much it's worth, how much we're willing to pay for what we want. I don't know anymore, I thought I did, but suddenly I wonder about it all, and I need to think it out.” He nodded, and watched as she walked out the door, and a moment later he heard the front door close behind her. He had wanted to take her in his arms, to tell her he loved her more than life itself, that he wanted their child, but he had been too proud, he had only stood there. And now she was gone. For a week. For longer? Forever?

“Where's Mom?” Val looked in, in surprise, as she passed their room.

“Out.” He stared at her. “Gone.” He decided to tell her the truth. He would tell them all. They deserved to know. They had played a part in it too. They were all responsible for how she felt. He wouldn't take the blame alone, although he realized now that a good part of it was his. He had been so damn stubborn about the house, about everything. She had made all the changes required for their new life, and he had made none. She was right, it wasn't fair. He looked sadly at Val now, who didn't seem to understand.

“Gone? Gone where?”

“I don't know. She'll be back in a week.” And then Val simply stood and stared at him. She understood. They'd all gone too far. But they had all been so damn mad at her, and she had been too. It didn't seem worth it now.

“Will she be okay?”

“I hope so, Val.” He walked into the hall and put an arm around her as Jess came up the stairs and looked at them.

“Did Mom go out?”

“Yeah.” Val answered for him. “She left for a week.” And as the rest of them came up the stairs, they heard what Val said, and they simply stood where they were and stared at him.

CHAPTER 30

When Mel left the house that night, she simply got in the car and drove, with no set plan of where to go, no one she wanted to see. All she wanted to do was get away, from her house, her job, their kids, and him. And for the first fifty miles, all she thought of was where she was leaving from, not where she was going to.

But after that, she began to relax, and suddenly after almost two hours, she stopped for gas, and grinned to herself. She had never done anything quite as outrageous in her life, as she had done in walking out on him. But she couldn't take anymore. Everyone was pushing her, and it was time she thought of herself instead of all of them. Even as far as this baby was concerned. She didn't have to do a damn thing she didn't want to do. She didn't even have to live in that house if she didn't want to. Hell, she made a million bucks a year, she could buy her own goddamn house, she told herself. She didn't have to live with Anne's ghost, if she didn't want to, and she already knew that she did not. And as she began driving again, with a full tank of gas, she began thinking of all the changes she had made in her life in the last six months, and how few changes had been required of Peter. He still worked in the same place, with the same people who respected his work, slept in the same bed he had slept in for a number of years. His children hadn't been moved out of their home. He even had the same housekeeper. The only thing that had changed for him was the face he kissed before he left the house for work, and maybe he didn't even notice that. And as Mel pulled into Santa Barbara, she began to steam again, and she was glad she'd left. She was only sorry she hadn't done it before, but who had time, between driving Pam to her shrink, trying to pacify the twins, keep a remote eye on Mark, and play Mommy to Matthew, and hold Peter's hand when his transplant patients died, not to mention doing interviews, specials, and the six o'clock news every night, it was a wonder she had time to dress and comb her hair. To hell with all of them. Peter, the kids, and Paul Stevens. Let him anchor alone for a while, they could always say that she was sick. To hell with them. She didn't care.