Danielle Steel - Changes

“You know where I am.” His voice was so gentle it made her ache for him.

“Yeah. Three thousand miles away.” She looked sad.

“Why don't you come out for a weekend?”

“Are you crazy? I just left there.” But she loved the idea, as impossible as it was.

“That was different, you were working. Take some time off and come out for a visit.”

“Just like that?” She was amused.

“Sure. Why not?” But she suspected that it would have terrified them both if she'd done that, and she wasn't ready to take such a major step toward him.

“It may come as a shock to you, Dr. Hallam, but I have a life here, and two children.”

“And you take July and August off every year. You told me that yourself. Take the girls to Disneyland or something.”

“Why don't you come visit us at Martha's Vineyard?” They were playing a game with each other and they both knew it, but it felt good to do it.

“First, my friend, I have to do a triple bypass.” End of round.

“Good luck. And thanks for calling.”

“I'll call you later, Mel. Will you be home tonight?”

“I'll be home, between shows.”

“I'll call you.” And he did, and her heart leapt again. She had just finished dinner with the girls, and he had just gotten home from his office. And it threw her into a tizzy until she left to do the eleven o'clock show, and she told herself it was crazy. She forced her mind back to the news time and again as she delivered it, and she managed to keep her concentration until she went off the air, but when she saw Grant outside his studio she looked totally distracted.

“Hi, Mel. Something wrong?” He was going on in fifteen minutes and they didn't have much time to talk.

“No. Why?”

“You just look funny. You okay?”

“Sure.” But there was a dreamy look in her eyes and he felt as though she wasn't really there. And then suddenly he understood. He had seen a look faintly like it in her eyes once before, although she hadn't seemed as intensely stricken as she did now. He wondered who it was and couldn't figure out when she had found the time. Or where. New York or L.A.? He was somewhat intrigued, and Mel looked as though she was in a different world.

“Go home and get some sleep, kid. You look like you're still half out of it.”

“I guess I am.” She smiled at him and watched him walk onto the set and then she left, but she realized that Peter's calls that day had set her back again. And how on earth was she going to concentrate on her work? She could barely think straight.

She went home in a cab and let herself into the house. The girls were already in bed and Raquel had taken a few days off to make up for the previous week, and Mel sprawled out on the living room couch, thinking of her life. She thought of Peter's suggestion to come out to L.A., but that was crazy. The only answer was to hang in for the next few weeks in New York, and get to Martha's Vineyard. Maybe then she could sort out her head as she did every year. Things would get back to normal there with the sun and the sea and the totally relaxed life she led there.

CHAPTER 17

“Is everybody ready?” Melanie called upstairs from the downstairs hall, and looked around for a last time. She was closing the house in New York for the summer, and her two large suitcases were already in the hall, along with all three tennis rackets, two large straw hats belonging to the girls, Mel was wearing hers, and Raquel's small green vinyl suitcase. She came with them every year for six weeks, and took the last two weeks off and returned to New York alone for her vacation. “Come on, you guys! We have to be at the airport in half an hour!” But they were only going to LaGuardia, so she knew that they would make it.

There was a wonderful upbeat feeling to their departure every year and she always felt like a young girl again as they left for Martha's Vineyard. She had signed off on the news the night before and she and Grant had gone out for a drink after his show to celebrate her temporary release, and things had been relaxed between them, but he could see in her eyes that she was still confused, and lately she had been tired and nervous. She had worked long hours at the station, finished the piece on heart surgery in California, and done two major interviews and a feature before she left, so they'd have them to use during the summer. She was, as always, conscientious about her work, and lately it seemed to be taking more of a toll than it had before, but Grant had suspected that it was because of the emotional whirl she was in, although he still knew none of the details. And in fact, Peter was still calling her every day, and Melanie still had no idea what would ever come of it, if anything. And lately, she'd even been worrying about her contract which had to be renewed in October. There were a lot of political changes at the station, and there was talk of a new owner, and God only knew what that would mean. But Grant reassured her when they went out that she had absolutely nothing to worry about, and Peter said the same when she confessed her concern to him. But nonetheless it had been on her mind, and now all of it could be packed up and put away for two months. She wouldn't think of work, or even Peter or Grant. She was just going to Martha's Vineyard, to relax with her daughters. But not if they didn't come soon, she told herself as she waited in the front hall with Raquel, and then finally they came thundering down the stairs with assorted games and books and bags in their arms. Valerie was carrying an enormous stuffed bear.

“Val … for God's sake …”

“Mom, I have to. Josh gave him to me last week and his parents have a house in Chappaquiddick, he'll be coming over to see us and if I don't …”

“All right, all right. Just get all this junk put together, please, and let's get our asses in a cab and get to the airport or we'll never get there.” Going on a trip with the girls was always a challenge. But the cabdriver actually managed to get almost all of it squashed in his trunk, and they finally took off with Mel and the girls in the backseat, Val carrying the enormous teddy, and Raquel in the front with the hats and the tennis rackets. As they sped along toward LaGuardia, Mel mentally ticked off a list, making sure that she had locked the garden door, and all the windows, turned on the burglar alarm, turned off the gas … there was always that sinking feeling that you'd forgotten something. But they were all in high spirits by the time they got on the plane, and as they left the ground, Mel had a feeling of relief that she hadn't had in weeks, as though she were leaving all her confusion behind in New York, and she would find peace in Martha's Vineyard.

Peter had been calling her once and twice a day, and as much as she enjoyed their conversations, she tormented herself about them. Why was he calling? When would they see each other again? And finally, what was the point? He admitted to the same confusions as she, but they seemed unable to stop moving inexorably forward on this path toward an unseen goal that still frightened them both and that they did their best not to talk about. They stuck to safe subjects, and now and then admitted how much they missed each other. But why, Mel asked herself too often, why do I miss him? She still didn't know the answer, or didn't want to.

“Mom, do you think my bike's still good or it got rusty?” Valerie was staring into space on the plane, hugging her bear, and looking totally happy, as a man across the aisle stared at her in lustful fascination. Mel was just glad she hadn't let her wear the little blue French short shorts she had worn to breakfast, and threatened to wear on the trip to Martha's Vineyard.