Danielle Steel - Changes

She walked slowly to a telephone booth at an adjacent gate, put a dime in the slot, and called her home collect. Jessie answered and for a moment, Mel felt tears fill her eyes, and she suddenly realized how exahusted she was.

“Hi, Jess.”

“Hi, Mom. Are you home?” She sounded like a child again as her voice filled with excitement.

“Almost, sweetheart. I'm at the Washington airport. I should be at the house by eleven thirty. God, I feel like I've been gone a year.”

“We've missed you like crazy.” She didn't even reproach her mother for not having called. She knew how impossible her schedule had been. “Are you okay?”

“Wiped out. I can't wait to get home. But don't wait up. I'm going to crawl in and pass out.” It wasn't just the fatigue that was getting to her now. A kind of depression was setting in, as she realized how far away she was from Peter. And that was foolish too. But she couldn't seem to stop the feelings anymore.

“Are you kidding?” Jess sounded outraged at her end. “We haven't seen you in a week! Of course we'll wait up. We'll carry you upstairs if we have to.”

Tears filled Mel's eyes as she smiled at the phone. “I love you, Jess.” And then, “How's Val?”

“She's okay. We've both missed you.”

“I've missed you too, sweetheart.” But something important had been happening to her in California. There was a lot she needed to sort out, or at least absorb, and the only people she wanted to see or talk to right now were the twins.

They were waiting in the living room when she got home, and they fell into her arms one by one, delighted to have her home again, and as Mel looked around, her house had never looked as good to her as it did now, or her children.

“Boy, it's good to be back, you guys!” But a tiny part of her said it wasn't. A tiny part of her said she wanted to be three thousand miles away, having dinner with Peter. But that was all behind her now and she had to forget it, at least for now.

“It must have been awful, Mom. It looked like you almost never left the hospital lobby from what we saw on the news.”

“Hardly ever except for a few hours sleep here and there …” And time spent with Peter … She looked into their eyes, almost expecting them to see something different about her. But they didn't. There was nothing to see, except what she felt deep inside, and she kept that well hidden. “Have you two been behaving all week?” Val brought her a Coca-Cola and she smiled gratefully at the voluptuous twin. “Thanks, love.” And then she grinned. “Are you in love again, young lady?”

“Not yet.” She laughed into her mother's eyes. “But I'm working on it.” Mel rolled her eyes and they sat and chatted for a long time, and it was one o'clock in the morning by the time they all went upstairs. They kissed their mother good night outside her bedroom and went up to their own floor as Mel went to unpack her bag and take a hot shower, and when she looked at the clock again, it was two o'clock in the morning … eleven o'clock on the West Coast … suddenly all that seemed to matter was where he was and what he was doing. It was like being constantly torn in two. She had a life to lead here in New York, and yet she had left a part of her three thousand miles away. It was going to be a difficult way to live, at least for now, and she still had to sort out what it all meant to her … what Peter Hallam meant to her … but, secretly, she already knew.

CHAPTER 16

The next morning, Grant called her just before noon, and woke her up, and his voice made her smile as she rolled over in bed and looked out at the brilliantly sunny June day.

“Welcome home, old girl. How was L.A.?”

“Oh, charming.” She smiled and stretched. “I just sat around by the pool and soaked up the sun.” They both laughed, knowing what a rat race she'd been in. “How've you been?”

“Busy, crazy, the usual. What about you?”

“What do you think with that insanity out there?”

“I think you must be dead on your feet.” But she didn't sound bad.

“You're right. I am dead.”

“Are you coming in today?”

“Tonight, to do the six o'clock. I don't think I'll make it in before that.”

“Good enough. I'll keep an eye out for you. I've missed you, kid. Will you have time for a drink?” Time, yes, but the inclination, no. She still wanted some time to herself to sort things out. And she didn't feel like saying anything to Grant about it yet.

“Not tonight, love. Maybe next week.”

“Okay. See you later, Mel.”

As she got out of bed and stretched, she thought of Grant and smiled to herself. She was lucky to have a friend like him, and just as she went into the bathroom to turn on the shower, she heard the phone ring, and wondered if he was calling her back again. Not many people called her at home at noon, and hardly anyone knew she was back from the Coast yet. They wouldn't know that until they saw her on the news that night. Mel picked up the phone with a puzzled frown, hovering naked at her desk, looking out at the garden behind the house.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mel.” He sounded faintly nervous and her heart seemed to give an enormous jerk as she heard his voice. It was Peter, and she could hear the hum of long distance. “I wasn't sure if you'd be home, and I only had a few minutes, but I thought I'd call. Did you get home all right?”

“Yes … fine …” Her words seemed to tangle on her tongue and she closed her eyes, listening to his voice.

“We took a little break between surgeries today, and I just wanted to tell you how much I miss you.” And with one short sentence, he turned her heart upside down again and she didn't answer. “Mel?”

“Yes … I was just thinking …” And then she threw all caution to the winds and sat down at her desk with a sigh. “I miss you too. You sure turn my life topsy-turvy, Doctor.”

“I do?” He sounded relieved. She did the same to him. He had barely slept the night before, but he hadn't dared to call and wake her up. He knew how exhausted she was when she left. “Do you realize how crazy this is, Peter? God knows when we'll see each other again, and here we are like two kids, having a mad crush on each other.” But she looked happy again as they talked. All she had wanted was to hear him.

He laughed at her choice of words. “Is that what this is? A crush? I wonder.”

“What do you think?” She wasn't sure what she was fishing for, and she was a little bit frightened of what she would get. She wasn't ready for declarations of passionate love from him, but he wasn't ready to give them either. She was still safe. But the worst of it was that she didn't even know if she wanted to be safe from him.

“I think that's about right. I'm in crush with you, Mel, is that how you say it?” They both laughed and Mel felt like a little girl again. He did that to her every time, and he was only nine years older than she was. “How are the girls, by the way?”

“Fine, And your troupe?”

“They'll do. Matthew was complaining last night that he never sees me. We're going to go fishing or something this weekend if I can get away. But it depends on how this next surgery goes.”

“What are you doing?”

“A triple bypass, but there shouldn't be any complications.” And with that he glanced at the clock in the little room from which he'd called. “Speaking of which, I'd better get back and scrub again. I'll be thinking of you though, Mel.”

“You'd better not. You'd better think of the patient.” But she was smiling. “Maybe I should start ending the news with ‘And good night, Peter, wherever you are.’”