Danielle Steel - Full circle

“I like my dad better than my mom.” Sharon was always honest about what she felt, especially with Tana. They had told each other countless secrets by the end of the first month, although the one thing Tana had said nothing about was the rape. Somehow she could never quite bring the words to her mouth, and she told herself that it didn't matter anyway, but a few days before the first dance was scheduled on Halloween with a neighboring boys' school, Sharon rolled her eyes and lay back on her bed. “So much for that. What do I do? Go as a black cat, or in a white sheet as a member of the Klan?” Girls were welcome to come to the dance alone, since it was to be held at Green Hill, which was fortunate since neither Sharon nor Tana had dates. Nor did they have any friends. The girls had all been careful not to get too close to her. They were polite to her, and none of them stared anymore, and all of the teachers treated her courteously, but it was almost as though they wanted to pretend that she wasn't there, as though by ignoring her, she would disappear. And the only friend she had was Tana, who went everywhere with her, and as a result, Sharon was Tana's only friend. Everyone stayed away from her too. If she wanted to play with niggers, she was going to find herself playing alone. Sharon had shouted at her about it more than once. “Why the hell don't you go play with your own kind!” She had tried to sound harsh but Tana had always seen through the ruse.

“Go to hell.”

“You're a damn fool.”

“Good. That makes two of us. That's why we get along so well.”

“Nah,” Sharon would grin at her, “we get along because you dress like shit and if you didn't have my wardrobe and my expert advice at hand you'd go out looking like a total jerk.”

“Yeah,” Tana grinned delightedly, “you're right. But can you teach me to dance?” The girls would collapse on their beds, and you could hear their laughter out in the hall almost every night. Sharon had an energy and a spunk and a fire about her that brought Tana back to life again, and sometimes they just sat around and told jokes and laughed until the tears ran down their cheeks and they cried. Sharon also had a sense of style which Tana had never seen before, and the most beautiful clothes she had ever seen. They were both about the same size and after a while, they just began to shove everything into the same drawers, and wear whatever came to hand.

“So … what are you going to be for Halloween, Tan?” Sharon was doing her nails a bright orange this time, and it looked spectacular against her brown skin. She glanced at the wet polish and then over at her friend, but Tana looked noncommittal as she looked away.

“I don't know … I'll see.…”

“What does that mean?” She was quick to sense something different in Tana's voice, something she had never heard there before, except maybe once or twice when Sharon suspected that she had hit a nerve, but she wasn't yet sure what that nerve was, or precisely where it lay. “You're going, aren't you?”

Tana stood up and stretched, and then looked away. “No. I'm not.”

“For heaven's sake, why not?” She looked stunned. Tana liked having a good time. She had a great sense of humor, she was a pretty girl, she was fun to be around, she was bright. “Don't you like Halloween?”

“It's all right … for kids.…” It was the first time Sharon had seen her behave like that and she was surprised.

“Don't be a party pooper, Tan. Come on, I'll put your costume together for you.” She began digging into the closet they shared, pulling things out and throwing them on the bed, but Tana did not look amused, and that night when the lights were out, Sharon questioned her about it again. “How come you don't want to go to the Halloween dance, Tan?” She knew that she hadn't had any dates yet, but so far none of them had. For Sharon it was a particularly lonely road, as the only black girl at the school, but she had resigned herself to that when she had agreed to come to Green Hill, and none of them really knew anyone yet. Only a few lucky girls had already won dates, but they were sure to meet a flock of young men at the dance, and Sharon was suddenly dying to get out. “Do you have a steady at home?” She hadn't mentioned it yet. Sharon thought it unlikely that she had held back, although there were some things they still hadn't shared. They had avoided the subject of their virginity, or lack of it, which Sharon knew was unusual at Jasmine House. It seemed as though everyone else was anxious to discuss their status as far as that went, but Sharon had correctly sensed Tana's reticence, and she wasn't anxious to discuss the subject herself. But she propped herself up on one elbow now and looked at Tana in the moonlit room. “Tan … ?”

“No, nothing like that.… I just don't like going out.”

“Any particular reason why not? You're allergic to men? … get dizzy in heels? … turn into a vampire after twelve o'clock? … although actually,” she grinned mischievously, “that might be kind of a neat trick on Halloween.”

In the other bed, Tana laughed. “Don't be a jerk. I just don't want to go out, that's all. It's no big deal. You go. Go fall in love with some white guy and drive your parents nuts.” They both laughed at the prospect of that.

“Christ, they'd probably kick me out of school. If old Mrs. Jones had her choice, they'd be fixing me up with Old Sam.” The housemother had several times looked patronizingly at Sharon, and then glanced at Sam, as though there were some kind of kinship between them.

“Does she know who your father is?” Freeman Blake had just won another Pulitzer, and everyone in the country knew his name, whether they had read his books or not.

“I don't think she can read.”

“Give her an autographed book when you come back from the holidays.” Tana grinned and Sharon roared.

“She'd die.…” But it still didn't solve the problem of the Halloween dance. In the end, Sharon went as an excruciatingly sexy black cat, in a black leotard, her warm cocoa face peeking out, her eyes huge, her legs seeming to stretch forever, and after an initial tense moment or two, someone asked her to dance, and she was on the floor all night long. She had a terrific time, although none of the girls talked to her, and Tana was tucked into bed and sound asleep when she got home just after one o'clock. “Tan? … Tana? … Tan … ?” She stirred faintly, lifted her head, and opened one eye with a groan.

“D'ya have a good time?”

“It was great! I danced all night!” She was dying to tell her all about it but Tana had already turned over in bed.

“I'm glad … g'night.…” Sharon watched the other girl's back and wondered again why she hadn't gone, but nothing more was said, and when Sharon tried to bring it up again the next day, it was obvious that Tana didn't want to talk about it. The other girls began going out after that. The phone in the downstairs hall seemed to ring all the time, and only one boy called Sharon Blake. He asked her to a movie and she went, but when they arrived, the ticket taker wouldn't let them in. “This ain't Chicago, friends”—he glared at them as the boy blushed a deep, anguished red—”you're in the South now.” He addressed the young man, “Go home and find yourself a decent girl, son.” Sharon was reassuring when they left.

“I didn't want to see it anyway. Honest, Tom, it's all right.” But the silence was agonizing as he drove her back, and finally when they reached Jasmine House, she turned to him. Her voice was sultry and soft, her eyes kind, her hand like velvet as she touched his. “It really is all right, Tom. I understand. I'm used to this.” She took a deep breath. “That's why I came to Green Hill.” It seemed an odd thing to say and he looked questioningly at her. She was the first black girl he had ever asked out, and he thought her the most exotic creature he had ever seen.