Danielle Steel: Granny Dan

“Perhaps a little holiday will do her good.” He was being very firm about it. He thought it was important for her.

“I agree. The problem is convincing her. I'll talk to her about it when she's a little stronger.”

He came every day after that, and a few days later, Madame Markova broached the subject with her. Danina was startled at first at the invitation from the Imperial family, and pleased, but she had no intention of accepting. “I can't leave you,” she said simply to Madame Markova. She herself was unnerved by her brush with death, and the ballet was home to her. She didn't want to recuperate among strangers, even royal ones. “You won't make me go, will you?” she asked, looking worried.

But as soon as they tried to get her up, she realized the full impact of her illness, as did Madame Markova. She couldn't even sit in a chair without nearly fainting and being held there for her own safety. And she had to be carried to the bathroom.

“You need constant nursing,” the doctor explained to her on one of his visits, “and you will for a while, Danina. It will be a tremendous burden for the people here. They are all really much too busy to help you.” She knew it was the truth, and what a burden she'd been to everyone already, especially Madame Markova. But she still didn't want to leave them. This was her home, and they were her family. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving, and she cried that night when she and Madame Markova talked about it.

“Why can't you go for a little while?” Madame Markova suggested. “Just until you're a bit stronger. It is such a kind invitation, and you really might enjoy it.”

“It frightens me,” she said simply. But the next morning Madame Markova insisted that Danina accept the offer. Aside from thinking it would do Danina good, she was afraid to offend the Czarina by not accepting her generous invitation. It was rare, if not unheard of, to be invited to convalesce at Tsarskoe Selo, and she was very grateful to Dr. Obrajensky for having arranged it. He had proven to be not only kind, but inordinately thoughtful, and genuinely concerned with Danina. And his daily visits had done wonders to cheer her. Spiritually at least, she was nearly herself now. It was her body that was not willing, or able, to bounce back as quickly.

“I think you should go,” Madame Markova said firmly. And then finally, by the end of the week, she and the doctor came to an agreement. Danina must be sent, whether or not she wanted to go. It was for her own good. Without proper nursing, she might never recover completely, and never be able to dance again. And finally, Madame Markova said as much to Danina. “What if your stubbornness costs you the ballet forever?” she said sternly.

“Do you think that might happen?” Danina's eyes were filled with terror.

“It could,” Madame Markova said, looking worried. “You were very, very ill, my dear. You must not tempt fate now by being stubborn or foolish.” They had invited her to stay indefinitely, until she was well and able to return to the ballet again. It was an extraordinary invitation, and even Danina knew it. She was being childish, and didn't want to leave the security of familiar surroundings and the people she knew there.

“What if I go for a few weeks?” It was a small concession on her part, but at least a beginning.

“You will still not be able to dance then. At least go for a month, and we will see how you feel then. If you hate being there, you can always come back and continue convalescing here. But at least go for a month, you can always stay longer if you want to, since they have been kind enough to invite you. And I promise I will come and visit you.”

It was a hard compromise for Danina, but she finally agreed. And the day she was to leave, she cried rivers at the thought of leaving her friends and mentor. “We're not sending you to Siberia,” Madame Markova reminded her gently.

“It feels like it,” Danina smiled through her tears, dismally sorry to leave them. “I will miss you so much,” she said, clinging to Madame Markova's hand. A special covered sled had been sent for her journey. It was warm and comfortable and filled with furs and heavy blankets. The Czarina had spared nothing for her. And Dr. Obrajensky had come to accompany her. But before he came, he had checked everything for her in the guest house, which was warm and comfortable, and he knew she would be very happy in it. He also carried a message from Alexei, who could hardly wait to see her, and said he had a new card trick to teach her.

The dancers were all lined up outside to see her off, and everyone waved as the sled drove away, with the doctor sitting beside her. She was so nervous that he held her hand, and she waved frantically at them with the other. And before they even reached Tsarskoe Selo, she was exhausted from the emotions of the departure.

“It's my whole life, you know. I don't know anything else. I've been there for so long, I can't imagine being anywhere else, even for a minute. “ She explained it to him as they rode along, but he already understood it. And as always, he was kind and sympathetic.

“You're not going to lose anything by being away for a while. You'll get your strength back, Danina, just as you should, and they'll all be waiting for you when you return. And you'll be better than ever. Trust me.” She did, and she was grateful for his support and companionship on the trip. It was so easy being with him. It was easy to see why the whole Imperial family loved him.

And as soon as they arrived, he settled her comfortably in the little guest house, which was more luxurious than anything she had ever dreamed. The bedroom was done all in pink satin, and the living room was a lovely blue and yellow. There were beautiful antiques everywhere, a kitchen to prepare her meals, there were four servants to take care of her, and two nurses. And half an hour after she arrived, the Czarina came to visit her, and brought Alexei with her, so he could show Danina his card trick. Both of them were shocked to see how hard hit she had been by her illness, and were glad that she had come there to recover. They only stayed a little while, so as not to tire her, and when they left, the doctor went with them. He didn't want to exhaust her either, and he promised to come and see her again in the morning to make sure she was “behaving.”

It was odd for her, being there that night, without all the familiar people she knew, and the other girls she was accustomed to sleeping near. Despite the luxurious surroundings, she felt lonely. And she was surprised when the nurse came into her room, shortly after settling her in bed, and told her she had a visitor. Dr. Obrajen-sky had returned to see her. It was only eight o'clock, but she hadn't been expecting him again until morning, and she was surprised by the unexpected visit.

“I was on my way home,” he explained, “and thought I'd come by to see how you were doing.” He looked her over carefully from where he stood, and could see that his suspicions had been correct. She was looking a little mournful. “I had a feeling you might be lonely.”

“I was,” she confessed sheepishly, wondering how he knew. He seemed to understand so much about her. “I suppose that's silly of me.” She was embarrassed to seem so ungrateful to him.

“Of course it's not,” he said, pulling a chair up next to her bed, and sitting beside her. “You're accustomed to living in a community of people.” He had seen the room she lived in with five other dancers, and had begun to know many of the others in the time he visited her after her illness. “It's a big change for you being all alone here.” And she was still so young, only nineteen. She was so disciplined and mature in some ways, but extremely protected and childlike in others. And he loved that about her. “Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?”