Danielle Steel - Heartbeat

“I want an abortion.” He almost laughed, she looked so sweet, and he leaned over and kissed her, feeling sorry for her. He had thought the film was a little extreme. There would have been ways to make the entire process seem a little less awesome. And he wasn't sure that showing a film of an actual birth was such a great idea to a roomful of first-time mothers. “Primips,” as the Lamaze teacher had called them.

“It won't be so bad. I promise.” He loved her more than ever before. And he just wanted everything to turn out all right, and for her to have a healthy baby, and for it to be easy for her. He still remembered what a hard time Leslie had had, and how scared he had been himself when Adam was born. But Tommy had been a lot better. And he was hoping that he could use the little he knew and remembered, to help Adrian this time. The only thing he hated about it was the prospect of seeing her suffer.

“How do you know it won't be so bad?” she asked angrily. “Have you ever had a baby? Did you see that woman's face? I thought she was going to die while she was pushing.”

“So did I. So it was a lousy film. Forget it.”

“I'm not going back.”

“That won't solve anything. Let's at least get the breathing down, so I can help you.”

“I want a general anesthetic,” she said matter-of-factly, but when she broached the subject to Jane, her doctor, the next time they went, she only smiled sympathetically.

“We only do that in very rare cases, in instances of a serious emergency when we don't have time to do a cesarean with an epidural. And there's no reason at all to think that you'll have any problem at all. Just go to the classes, Adrian, and you'll be surprised at how smoothly it goes for you when you're in labor.”

“I don't want to have it,” Adrian repeated to Bill as they left the doctor's office. She was matter-of-fact, and absolutely terrified.

“It's a little late for that, sweetheart,” he said calmly. She was wearing a pink dress and ponytail as they walked back to his car. She was scared to death at having the baby now, ever since the first Lamaze class, and they had been to two now.

“That stupid breathing doesn't work. I can't even remember how to do it.”

“Don't worry. We'll practice.” And that night, he made her lie down and pretend she was having a contraction. He pretended to time the pain, and she tried the breathing technique, and halfway through it she stopped, and slipped a graceful hand into his trousers. “Stop that! Will you be serious!” He tried to get her hand out of his pants, but she was tickling him and he was laughing.

“Let's do something else,” she announced with a wicked gleam in her eye as she attacked him.

“Adrian … be serious! Stop it!”

“I am serious!” But not about breathing.

“That's what got you into this in the first place.”

“Maybe you've got a point.” She tried to roll over on her stomach but she couldn't get far. The lump, as she referred to it at times, seemed to be getting bigger by the hour. And it was extremely peppy, she could feel kicks almost constantly, especially at night, and it only seemed to relax in the early morning. “Maybe I'll just stay pregnant. It's too much trouble to get this thing out.” It was like building an ocean liner in the basement.

“I wouldn't mind seeing you skinny again,” he said wistfully, “you had kind of a cute figure when I met you.”

“Thanks,” she said to him, rolling onto her back like a beached whale. Lying like that, she looked absolutely enormous. “You don't like my figure now?” She was half serious, and he knew he had to be careful. He lay next to her, on his stomach, and propped himself up on his elbows as he kissed her.

“I happen to think you're the most beautiful woman I know, pregnant or not.”

“Thank you.” She smiled and tears came to her eyes, and then she put her arms around his neck like a child, and the tears brimmed over. “I'm scared,” she confessed, and she touched his heart as she said it.

“I know you are, baby, but it's going to be fine. I promise.”

“But what if it isn't? What if something happens … to me … or the baby?” It sounded stupid, but she was afraid she was going to die. She kept thinking of the woman in the film, going through awful pain and screaming. No one had ever told her it was going to be like that. She just thought the baby came out, somehow, and that was it. No one had ever admitted that it could be that painful.

“Nothing's going to happen to you or the baby. I won't let it. I'll be there every second, holding your hand, and helping you. And it'll be over before you know it.”

“Is it really that bad?” She looked into his eyes earnestly, and he didn't want to tell her how bad it had been for Leslie. It had almost driven him crazy to see it.

“Not necessarily. I think for some people it's fairly easy.”

“Yeah. If they have hips like the Panama Canal,” she said sadly, because she didn't.

“You'll be fine.” He kissed her gently on the lips, and she slipped her hands into his shirt and touched his shoulders. And then she ran her hands down his back, and he felt a tremor of excitement. They were kissing, and she was touching him, and he gently let his hands wander over her body, and then he grinned in the midst of their passion. “I should be shot for molesting a woman in your condition.” The absurdity of it struck him for a moment and then he forgot it.

“No, you shouldn't,” she teased, and he marveled at how much she still turned him on. He rolled over on his back and laid her on top of him, as they took their clothes off. And half an hour later, they lay spent, and he looked at her guiltily. He was terrified he might cause her to go into labor, but the doctor hadn't told them not to.

“Are you okay?” he asked nervously, looking at her as though she might explode at any moment.

“Never better.” She looked at him as though she were drunk, and then she giggled.

“I'm disgusting,” he said, watching her. “I shouldn't do that.”

“Yes, you should. I'd much rather make love to you than have the baby. And at least I can't get pregnant.”

He frowned then as he looked at her. “I thought you told me you were a virgin.”

“I am,” she said happily. It seemed miraculous to her that their relationship was still so passionate, and she was more than eight months pregnant.

“Want to try the breathing again?” he volunteered as they lay in bed. He felt as though he had to do something to redeem himself for his unbridled passion.

“I thought we just did,” she said benignly. And then she glanced at the clock in dismay. It was ten o'clock, and she had to get up and go back to work. She was still planning to work full-time till the eleventh hour. Zelda had already volunteered to cover for her, anytime Adrian wanted her to, but so far Adrian hadn't called her. She was planning to start her maternity leave the same day she was due to have the baby. And Bill had already told her he thought she was pushing.

“Why don't you at least relax for a few weeks before that?”

“I'll have plenty of time to relax after I have the baby.”

“That's what you think.” He grinned. He remembered only too well the nights without sleep, the broken sleep from nursing a baby who wanted to eat every two or three hours. He tried to tell her that, but she still wanted to work till the end. She felt fine and insisted that she needed the distraction. But every time she went in to work, Zelda practically groaned when she saw her.

“How do you walk around with that?” she asked, pointing to Adrian's stomach. “Doesn't it hurt?”

“No.” Adrian smiled. “You get used to it.”

“I hope not,” Zelda sympathized. It was something so foreign to her, and she had no desire to make it familiar. Babies were just not something she wanted. Nor was a husband. And she liked Bill a lot, but she admitted to Adrian early on that just being with them made her nervous. It was all much too married. But she was happy for Adrian. No one deserved a good man more than she did. And there was no doubt in Zelda's mind, he was a good one. Not like that son of a bitch Steven. She had run into him a few times. He went to the same gym she did, but he hadn't seemed to notice her. And she had seen him there several times with different girls, always pretty, always young, and she was willing to bet that none of them knew that he had walked out on his wife because she was having a baby.