Danielle Steel: Journey

“Why not?”

“I'm leaving you.” She stunned herself with her words, but not as much as she stunned Jack. He looked as though she had hit him.

“What the fuck is that all about?” As usual, he covered up his own sins and weaknesses by being nasty to her.

“I can't do this anymore.”

“Do what?” he asked, pacing the room, unwilling to simply accept it and leave her. He looked like a tiger stalking his prey, but he didn't frighten her as he once had. And she knew she was safe here. There were people all around them, just beyond her doorway. “What is it that you can't do? Live a life of luxury? Go to Europe twice a year? Travel on a private jet? Get jewelry whenever I'm dumb enough to buy it for you? What a tough life to put up with, for a slut from Knoxville.” He was at it again.

“That's the trouble, Jack,” she said, sounding tired, and leaning back against her pillow as she watched him. “I'm not a slut from Knoxville. I never was. Even back then when I was poor and unhappy.”

“Bullshit. I don't recall that you were ever from the right side of the tracks, or even knew what they looked like. Hell, you were a whore when you were a kid. Look at Lizzie.”

“Yeah, look at her. She's a great kid, and a decent person in spite of some pretty rotten breaks, thanks to me. I owe her something now. And I owe myself something.”

“You owe me everything. And I hope you realize you'll be out of a job if you leave me.” His eyes glittered like steel.

“Possibly. I'll let my lawyers handle that, Jack. I have a contract with the network. You can't just throw me out without notice or compensation.” She had gotten braver and smarter while fighting for her life in the rubble. She wondered how he could think that the things he was saying to her would convince her to stay with him. But once they might have, out of pure intimidation. That was the sad part.

“Don't threaten me. You won't get a dime out of me with that bullshit. And don't forget the prenup you signed. You walk out of my house empty-handed. It's all mine, even your fucking pantyhose. You walk out on me, Maddy, and all you've got is the hospital gown you're wearing.”

“What do you want from me?” she asked sadly. “Why do you want me to stay? You hate me.”

“I have every right to hate you. You lie to me. You've cheated on me. I know you have a boyfriend who calls you every day. How fucking dumb do you think I am?” Not dumb. Mean. But she didn't say it to him. She was brave, not foolish.

“He's not a boyfriend. We've just been friends till now. I have never cheated on you. And the only thing I've ever lied to you about is Lizzie.”

“I'd say that's a big one. But I'm willing to forgive you. I'm the victim here, not you. I'm the one who's gotten screwed over in this deal, and I'm still willing to put up with you. You don't know how lucky you are. Just wait till you're starving and back in some shit hole in Memphis, or Knoxville, or wherever the hell you wind up with your bastard kid. You'll be begging me to come back,” he said, slowly approaching the bed as she wondered what he would do next. There was a look in his eyes she'd never seen before, and she was instantly reminded of everything she'd been told in her abuse group. When he would sense his prey leaving him, he would do everything he could to stop her. Whatever he had to. “You're not leaving me, Mad,” he said, standing over her, as she trembled. “You haven't got the balls for that. You're too smart for that. You're not going to throw a golden life and your whole career out the window, are you?” He was wheedling and terrifying, and there was an implied threat just in the way he looked at her. “Maybe you got hit on the head last night. Maybe that's what happened to you. Maybe I ought to knock some sense into you to get you thinking straight again. How about it, Maddy?” But as he said it to her, she felt everything rise up in her, and she knew that if he laid a hand on her, she'd kill him. She was not going to let him do this again, drag her back and torture her and humiliate her and convince her she was dirt and deserved all the misery and accusations he heaped on her. And the look in her eyes would have terrified him if he'd understood it.

“If you lay a hand on me, here or anywhere else, I swear I'll kill you. I've taken all the shit from you I'm ever going to. You cleaned the floor with me, but it's all over, Jack. I'm not coming back. Find someone else to dump on, and abuse, and torture.”

“Oh listen to the big girl threatening her daddy. Poor baby. Do I scare you, Mad?” he asked, laughing at her, but she was out of bed now and facing him. The time had come. The game was over.

“No, you don't scare me, you son of a bitch. You make me sick. Get out of my room, Jack. Or I'll call for security and have you thrown out.”

He stood looking at her for a long moment, and then came and stood so close to her she could have counted the hairs in his eyebrows if she'd cared to. “I hope you die, you fucking bitch. And you will. Soon, I hope. You deserve to.” She couldn't tell if it was a direct threat or not, and it scared her, but not enough to make her change her mind. And as she watched him spin on his heel and walk out of the room, there was an insane instant of wanting to stop him and beg him to forgive her. But she knew she couldn't. That was the sick part of her, begging her to go back, feeling guilty, wanting him to love her at any price, no matter how much pain she had to take from him in order to get it. But that part of her was no longer in control anymore, and she watched him go silently, without making a move. And when he was gone, she was engulfed by sobs of pain and loss and guilt. However much she hated him, and however evil he was, like a malignancy on her soul, no matter how deep she gouged to cut him out, she knew she would never forget him, and he would never forgive her.

Chapter 22

THE DAY AFTER THEY RESCUED HER , Maddy went back to the nursery to see Andy again, and they told her the social worker had come to see him that morning. They were taking him the next day and placing him in a foster home, until they could arrange for long-term placement. And she went back to her room with a heavy heart. She knew she would never see him again, just as once she had known it about Lizzie. But God had given her a second chance with her, and now she wondered if Andy and his mother had come into her life for a reason.

She thought about it all afternoon, and later talked to Bill when he came to see her. He knew about her visit from Jack the day before, and he was both relieved and worried. He didn't want him coming back to hurt her. Now that Jack knew that she was leaving him, there was no telling what he would do, and he urged Maddy to be careful. She was going to pick up her things at the house when she left the hospital, and she agreed to take someone with her to do it. She was going to hire a security guard from the network. And Bill had promised to buy her some clothes to leave the hospital, but she wasn't worried about Jack. She felt surprisingly free. And although it pained her to have said what she had to him, she was amazed that she didn't feel guilty. She knew that she would again, at some point. She'd been warned about that. But she knew she had done the right thing. Jack was a cancer that would have killed her if she let him.

But she was haunted about Annie's baby. “I know this sounds crazy,” she finally admitted to Bill, “but I promised her I'd take care of him. I guess I should at least let the social worker know that I'd like to know where they place him.” Bill thought that was a good idea, and they talked more about the disaster in the mall. One of the perpetrators of it had been apprehended. He was a twenty-year-old boy with a history of mental disorders, and a prison record. And he had apparently done it with two partners, who hadn't been found yet. There were memorial services everywhere for the victims, and it made it even worse that it was almost Christmas. And Bill had already told her he was thinking of not going to Vermont, and staying in the city to be with her.