Danielle Steel: Passion's Promise

Kezia’s mind was filled with Luke. She and Alejandro hadn’t spoken since they entered the building. There was nothing to say. Like the others, they were preoccupied with the business of waiting. Another two hours on those benches … and it had been so long since she’d seen him, touched his hand, his face, kissed him, held him, or been held the way only Luke knew how to hold her. Kisses are different when they come from such a great height, or that’s how it had seemed. Everything was different. He was a man she could look up to, in myriad ways. The first man she had looked up to.

In all, she and Alejandro waited almost five hours, and it felt like a dream when a voice on the intercom squawked out his name.

“Visit for Johns … Lucas Johns….” She sprang to her feet and ran to the door of the room where they would visit. Luke was already there, filling the doorway, a quiet smile on his face. He stood in a long, barren gray room, whose only decor was a clock. There were long refectory tables with inmates on one side and visitors on the other, while guards wandered and patrolled, their guns displayed prominently. One could kiss hello and goodbye, and hold hands during the visit That was all. The whole scene had an eerie unreality to it, as if this couldn’t exist, not for them. Luke lived on Park Avenue with her, he ate with a fork and a knife, he told jokes, he kissed her on the back of the neck. He didn’t belong here. It didn’t make sense. The other faces around them looked ragged and fierce, angry and tired and worn. But now so did Luke. Something had changed. As she walked into his arms, she felt a wave of claustrophobic terror seize her throat … they were lost in the bowels of that tomb … but once in Luke’s arms, she was safe. And the rest seemed to fade. She was oblivious of all but his eyes. She completely forgot Alejandro beside her.

Luke swept her up in his arms and the force of his embrace flushed the air from her chest in one breath. He held her aloft for a moment, not releasing his grip, and then gently set her down, hungrily seeking her lips once again. There was a quiet desperation about him, and his arms felt thinner. She had felt bones in his shoulders where weeks before there had been so much flesh. He was wearing blue jeans and a workshirt, and coarse shoes that looked too small for his feet. They had shipped the Guccis and everything else back to New York. Kezia had been there when the package arrived, everything crumpled, and his shirt badly torn. It gave you an idea of how it had come off his back. Not with a valet, but at the point of a gun. At the time she had cried, but now there were no tears. She was too glad to see him. Only Alejandro had tears in his eyes as he watched them, a radiant smile sweeping over her face, hiding the panic, and a look of intense need in the eyes of his friend. After a moment, Luke’s gaze swept over her head, and acknowledged Alejandro. It was a look of gratitude Alejandro didn’t remember seeing before. Like Kezia, he saw that something was different, and he remembered the urgent plea in Luke’s letters to come out with Kezia. Alejandro knew something was coming, but he didn’t know what.

Luke led Kezia by the hand to one of the long refectory tables, and went around to his side to sit down, while Alejandro took another chair next to her. She smiled even more as she watched Luke take his seat.

“Jesus, it’s so good to just watch you walk. Oh, darling, how I’ve missed you.” Luke smiled quietly at her and gently touched her face with his work-roughened hand. The calluses had come back quickly.

“I love you, Lucas.” She said the words carefully, like three separate gifts she had wrapped for him, and his eyes shone strangely.

“I love you too, babe. Do me a favor?”

“What?”

“Take your hair down for me.” She smiled and quickly pulled out the pins. There was so little pleasure she could give him, each minute gesture suddenly meant so much more. “There, that’s better.” He stroked the silky softness of her hair, and looked like a man running his hands through diamonds or gold. “Oh Mama, how I love you.”

“Are you all right?”

“Can’t you tell?”

“I’m not sure.” But Alejandro could. He could tell a lot more than either of them, each was so blinded by what he wanted to see. “I guess you look okay, but you’ve gotten thin.”

“Look who’s talking. You look like shit.” But his eyes said she looked better than that. “I thought you told me you were going to take care of her, Al.” He looked from one to the other, and at last there was a hint of long-forgotten laughter back in his eyes. He looked almost like Lucas again.

“Listen, man, do you know how hard this woman is to push around?”

“You’re telling me!” The two men laughed and exchanged an old familiar smile. And Luke’s eyes lit up as he looked at Kezia again. She held so tightly to his hands that her fingers ached until they were numb.

It was an odd visit, full of conflicting vibrations. Luke seemed to have a passionate and hungry need for Kezia, which was amply mutual. Yet, there was a rein on him somewhere. She sensed it, and didn’t know what it was. A hesitation, a withdrawal, and then he would say something and she would feel the floodgates open again.

Suddenly the hour was over. The guard signaled, and Luke stood up quickly and led her back to the front of the room for their one regulation farewell kiss.

“Darling, I’ll be back as soon as they’ll let me.” She was thinking of staying out for the week, and coming back to see him again. But right now she was nervous at the sight of the guard, and Alejandro seemed to edge closer. It was all happening too fast. She wanted more time with Lucas … the moments had flown by.

“Mama …” Luke’s eyes seemed to devour every inch of her face. “You won’t be coming back here.”

“Are they transferring you?”

He shook his head. “No. But you can’t come back anymore.”

“That’s ridiculous. I … aren’t the papers in order?” She was suddenly terrified. She had to come back again. She needed to see him. They had no right to do this.

“The papers are in order. For today. But I’m taking you off my visiting list tonight.” His voice was so low she could barely hear it. But Alejandro could, and he knew what Lucas was doing. Now he understood why Luke had wanted him to come out.

“Are you mad? Why are you taking me off your list?” Hot tears burned her eyes and she clung to his hands. She didn’t understand. She hadn’t done anything wrong. And she loved him.

“Because you don’t belong here. And this is no life for you. Baby, you’ve learned a lot in the last few months, and done a lot of things you’d never have done if you hadn’t met me. Some of it was good for you, but this isn’t. I know what this does, what it’ll do to you. By the time I get out, you’d be burnt out. Look at you now, thin, nervous … you’re a wreck. Go back to what you have to do. And do it right.”

“Lucas, how can you do this?” The fears began to roll down her face.

“Because I have to … because I love you … now be a good girl, and go.”

“No, I won’t. And I’ll come back. I’ll … oh Lucas! Please!” Luke’s eyes sought Alejandro’s over her head and there was a barely perceptible nod. Luke bent quickly to kiss her, squeezed her shoulders, and then quickly turned and took a step toward the guard.

“Lucas! No!” She reached out her arms, ready to cling to him, and he turned back to her with a face carved in stone.

“Stop it, Kezia. Don’t forget who you are.”

“I’m nothing without you.” She stepped toward him and looked into his eyes.

“That’s where you’re wrong. You’re Kezia Saint Martin, and you know who she is now. Treat her well.” And then with a nod at the guard, he was gone. An iron door swallowed the man she had loved. He never turned back for a last look or another goodbye. He had said nothing to Alejandro as he left. He hadn’t had to. The short nod at the end said it all. He was committing her into his care. He would know that she was safe and that was all he could do. It was all he had left to give.