Danielle Steel: Remembrance

“Are you serious?”

Charlotte nodded quietly, with all the dignity of her mother. “He's had it for two years. He told me almost right away. He said I had to know, because there was no one else to take care of me afterward. He said I would have to grow up quickly because of that.” The tears began to slide down her face and it was difficult to continue. “I could live with any of his children, but”—she gulped —”it wouldn't be the same. And he's right.” She was crying openly now, looking at Vanessa. “It wouldn't.”

“Oh, my God.” Vanessa went around the table to where she sat, and sat down with her arm around her. “Oh, poor baby.” But her thoughts were in a jumble as she cradled her sister on her shoulder. “Can't they do anything for him?”

Charlie sniffed loudly. “They have. They've done wonders. We almost lost him last year.” Her English was precise and Vanessa loved her accent. She loved everything about her. “But then he got better again. He wasn't too well just before I left, but then he seemed to be all right, and he promised me that if he got sick he'd call me on the boat and I'd come back. It's in his liver and his stomach.” Vanessa thought over the meals they had shared, and remembered noticing that he ate very little. She thought at the time that it was vanity and that was why he ate so little, to keep his figure. Now she felt heartsick at what she had heard. The man that she loved was dying. For an instant she felt sorry for herself, remembering that she was about to endure another loss in her life, but almost at the same moment she could hear Andreas's voice telling her that they had to grab the moment … and now Vanessa had Charlotte to think of. The loss of Andreas would be a tremendous blow to her. The two girls sat that way for a long time, and then Vanessa looked at her watch as she saw the chauffeur in the hallway.

“You'll be late for school.”

“Will you go in and see him? And don't believe a word he tells you. If he looks sick, call the doctor.”

“I promise.” She walked Charlotte to the door, waved at the retreating limousine, and hurried back to the door to Andreas's bedroom. She knocked softly and went inside when he answered her knock. She found him lying in bed, looking deathly pale, but trying to look cheerful as she entered. “Andreas …”She didn't know what to say. He wanted to play a game, and she didn't know how to play it with him.

“Sorry, I overslept.” He sat up with a wan smile, and overnight he seemed to have radically altered. Charlotte had warned her that that was how it was on his “bad days,” and then suddenly he would seem better again and look like himself for a while. But the doctor had told her the month before that the good days would be coming to an end soon. “You must have worn me out last night.”

“Darling …” Her voice trembled as she sat down, and he smiled at her. She had become a woman in one short month. There was nothing left of the frightened girl she had been when she arrived in Athens. “I …” She didn't know how to say it, but she knew that she had to. The pretense would be impossible to keep up. And as long as Charlie knew, there was no reason why she shouldn't too. With enormous gray eyes she looked at him and held his hand. “Why didn't you tell me?” There were tears in her eyes and he looked startled for a moment, as though she had caught him unprepared.

“Tell you what?”

“I spoke to Charlie this morning—” She faltered and he immediately understood and nodded.

“I see … so you know.” He looked sad for a moment. “I didn't want anyone to tell you.”

“Why?” The sorrow that she felt showed in her eyes and it tore at his heart to watch her.

“You have had enough loss in your life, my love. I was going to send you home while I was feeling well, with nothing but happy memories to take with you.”

“But that isn't real if the reality is this.”

“The reality is both. All that we have shared, all the love, the excitement, the happy moments. Vanessa.” He looked at her gently. “I have never loved any woman as I love you. And if I were younger, and”—he skipped over the words—”things were different for me now, I would ask you to marry me, but I can't do that.”

“I would, you know.”

“I'm happy to know that.” He looked pleased. “But what I want you to take away from here is better than marriage. I want you to take a better knowledge of yourself, an understanding of how much you have been loved. I want you to take not the past but the future with you.”

“But how can I leave you here? And if you're ill, I want to be with you.”

He shook his head with a gentle smile. “No, my darling, that I cannot allow. What we lived was that brief moment I talked to you about before. Perhaps it will come again, perhaps I will be better again tomorrow. But when I am, this time you must go. And when you go—” He hesitated for a moment, obviously in pain. “I want you to take Charlotte.”

Vanessa looked stunned. “Don't you want her here with you?”

“No.” He spoke very clearly. “I want the two people I love to go to their new lives. In your hearts you will take me with you. You have been dear to me, little one, for all of these years that I remembered you as a child. Now you will remember me for a lifetime.” She knew that it was true, but she didn't want to leave him. He shook his head though, vetoing her objections. “My children will be here with me, Vanessa. I will not be alone. And soon,” he said very softly, “it will be time to go.”

She bowed her head then and began to cry, and at last she raised her eyes to his face. “Andreas, I can't leave you. I can't give up what we had.”

“You won't. You will take it with you. Won't you?” He looked at her so gently that it made her cry more. “Won't you always remember?”

“You've changed my whole life.”

“As you've changed mine. Isn't that enough? Do you really want more? Are you so greedy?” His eyes were teasing and she smiled through her tears and blew her nose in the handkerchief he gave her.

“Yes, I am greedy.”

“Well, you can't be. And you must fulfill an important task for me. For two years I have agonized about what will happen to Charlotte. I had thought that she will be with my children. But she needs something more. She is a special child. She needs someone who will love her as I have.” Now his eyes were damp too. “I like watching the two of you together. You are so good to her.” And then, as a single tear slid down his face and tore at Vanessa's heart, “Will you keep her with you?” It was like receiving a sacred gift, the Holy Grail, and Vanessa was dumbfounded that he would ask her.

“Yes, but don't you want her here with you?”

“No, I want her away from all this. I know what it is. It will get very ugly. And”—his face grew stern—”she is not to come back afterward for my funeral. That's barbaric and unnecessary.” He glowered and Vanessa made a face.

“Stop running everyone's life.”

“No, my darling.” He smiled at her more gently again. “Only yours, and that's because I love you.”

“Are you serious? Do you really want me to take Charlie back to the States?” He smiled. Vanessa was the only one who called her Charlie, but Charlotte loved it. “Won't she be terribly lonely?”

“Not with you. Put her in a good school.” He cleared his throat slightly. “She will have an enormous income, run by her trustees. With her father's death she inherited a considerable fortune.” Vanessa nodded.

“I lead a very simple life. Do you think that would be enough? She is used to such grandeur.”

“I think that she would like it. I will see to it that you both have all the necessary comforts.” But Vanessa shook her head.