Danielle Steel - The Kiss

“I'll work on it. We'll go on a fattening regime together.” She smiled, pensive about what he had just told her. It had been a hard summer for Teddy, for both of them, but now that she was home, she was determined to turn things around again, she felt sure she could.

“I'll come back to see him in a day or two, and if you have any problems, call me.”

But the problems she had were not related to Teddy. They were with Gordon. He came home looking sullen that night, and offered no explanation for it. He had dinner on a tray in his room, and did not come downstairs to dine with her. He never spoke to her, and never came into her room. And later that night, as she lay in her bed thinking about it, she heard him go out. She had no idea where he went when he went out at night, and she didn't see him again until the next morning. She ran into him when she went downstairs for breakfast. He was sitting in the dining room, reading the paper and drinking a cup of coffee. And for a long time, he didn't acknowledge her, until he put down the paper and finished his coffee. She had the impression he was angry at her, and she had no idea what she'd done to annoy him.

“Have you heard from your friend in London?” he asked her bluntly, and she was startled by the question. She didn't want to lie to him, but she didn't want to tell him Bill had called her twice the day before either.

“Yes, I spoke to him” was all she said. She was surprised to hear him mention Bill. He hadn't said a word about him on the day she came home, but now Gordon looked furious about him.

“Don't you think it's inappropriate for him to call you here, Isabelle? I would think he'd be embarrassed to. He damn near killed you.”

“The bus nearly killed both of us. It wasn't his fault.”

“If you hadn't been out with him, it wouldn't have happened. I don't imagine you'd like your children to know that you were out with another man when the accident occurred.” There was an implied threat that he would tell them, and she understood him. It was a warning.

“No, I wouldn't. But it wasn't the way you make it sound. We were friends,” she said calmly, although her heart was pounding.

“Are you telling me the friendship is over?”

“I didn't say that. We went through a lot together.” She looked at her husband carefully. She knew how vindictive he could be, and she didn't want to start a war with him. She knew that if she did, he would win it. He always did. Gordon was all about power and control, and she knew he wasn't going to tolerate her crossing him. She didn't want to have a showdown with him, if she could possibly avoid it. “You have nothing to fear from him, Gordon. I'm home now.”

“That's not the issue. I'm telling you to leave that alone, Isabelle. You're taking a great risk if you make me angry. I wouldn't suggest it.”

“I have no desire to make you angry. I'm sorry that it created a very awkward situation.” She lowered her eyes as she said it.

“That's an interesting choice of words.” His eyes bored into her, and they were giving her a warning. “I'd say having you in a near-fatal accident while you were cheating on me is definitely ‘awkward.’”

“I wasn't cheating on you. I was having dinner,” she said softly.

“And dancing. You were out at two o'clock in the morning.” She didn't ask him where he'd been the night before, or where he went when he left the house late at night. She had never asked him. She wouldn't have dared. He had established early on in their marriage that he made the rules, and he was free to do what he wanted. He expected her to toe the line, and it was silently agreed between them that she was not to ask questions, or challenge his authority or his independence. The punishment for it would have been extreme if she'd dared. That much had always been understood between them. There had never been any pretense of equality in their marriage. He had never offered it or promised it, and he didn't intend to start now. She understood that too. The only thing that surprised her now was that she had always been willing to accept his authoritarian rule. She saw now that it was a dictatorship, not a marriage. “You're a married woman,” he reminded her, “and I expect you to behave that way. I hope you learned a lesson.” And what was that, she wondered. That she'd be hit by a bus if she dined with another man? She wondered what he'd do to her if he knew she was sharing a room with Bill in the hospital in London, or if someone had told him. He was making himself very clear to her. He was not going to tolerate anything other than exemplary behavior from her. Anything less than that would be punished, by silence, by threats, by rejection, by insults if necessary, or perhaps by banishment, maybe even without her children. And if he divorced her, she had no way of taking care of Teddy, which was the only thing that mattered to her.

“You're lucky I'm willing to forgive you. But if I discover that you're misbehaving, or that he's visiting you here, things are going to go very badly between us. And I suggest you tell him to stop calling.” But she knew she would never do that. Their calls were all she had now. There was certainly going to be no warmth or support from Gordon. He got up from the table then, picked up his briefcase, and walked out of the room. He had delivered his message, and she heard him leave for the office a moment later.

She sat in the dining room for a while, collecting her thoughts, and feeling shaken. She had wondered if he was going to punish her, and now she knew. She was a prisoner, a convict on parole, and if she broke the rules again, and he found out, God only knew what he would do to her. He might even divorce her and keep custody of Teddy. That would be her worst nightmare.

And she knew he was capable of making it happen. She wanted to call Bill, but she didn't dare. She waited for him to call her. He did, at noon, after his morning of physical therapy. He sounded tired, but in decent spirits, and he was happy to talk to her.

“Hi, baby, what are you up to?” he asked cheerfully, and as soon as she spoke to him, he could tell that something had happened. “What's wrong? You sound worried.”

“No, I'm fine,” she lied, and then broke down and told him when he pressed her. She told him about the exchange with Gordon that morning.

“He's just trying to scare you. Reign by terror.” Bill hated everything about him, and he realized now that Gordon had never come back to see her at the hospital to punish her and frighten her, and make her feel insecure and uncertain. What Gordon didn't know was that it had been a gift to her, and to them, and had turned out to be a blessing. “He can't do anything. He can't take Teddy.” He tried in vain to reassure her, but as they talked, he realized that Isabelle was genuinely afraid.

“The courts here favor the father. Maybe he could convince them I'm an unsuitable mother.” It broke Bill's heart to hear her sounding so worried. She had been upset about it all morning.

“How can he convince anyone you're ‘unsuitable’? By telling them you've spent fourteen years taking care of him night and day? Sweetheart, don't be silly. He's just trying to terrorize you, and he's succeeding.” It was an unfounded fear, but Gordon always frightened her. He seemed so all-powerful and all-knowing.

“He's very impressive.” And in her eyes, always had been.

“He doesn't impress me,” Bill said, sounding angry. He would have loved to confront him about how badly he treated his wife. Gordon Forrester was a bully. “Just try to ignore him, and go about your business.”

“That's what I'm doing.”

“Are you having dinner with him tonight?”

“I don't know. He never tells me.”

It drove Bill crazy to hear what she was going through, but he was helpless to do anything about it. He wished she would divorce him, but he knew she never would. She had too much at stake there, and she was too afraid of what he would do to her, and that was exactly what Gordon wanted. Bill tried to explain it to her, but she pointed out to him that she was entirely at his mercy. She had no money of her own, and she had a child who was an invalid, and needed extremely costly medical attention. Hearing her say it upset Bill terribly. He would have liked to marry her, and take care of the boy. But it was too late now, for the moment at least: He couldn't ask her to marry him if he was going to be an invalid. His hands were tied. And men like Gordon always found the right weapon to wield at their victims. In this case, it was fear. He wondered how long it had been like that, and how much abuse she had taken over the years. It seemed to be unlimited, the man had been allowed to run roughshod over her for years, and with her meeting Bill in London and getting exposed by the accident, she had loaded the gun for him. It was unfortunate that he had found out about it.