Danielle Steel - The Ranch

“I'm not, just smart and careful.”

“Fine, I'll put the word out, we're only looking for guys or ugly women to relieve us… Zoe, I love you.” There was something so tender in his voice that it brought tears to her eyes as she listened to him.

“I love you too, Sam,” she said, and he promised to call her later that afternoon, when he was finished working.

“Your patients are stacking up outside, I'd better get back to work before I close your clinic. Get some rest, and I'll call you later.”

“I think I might go to dinner tonight,” she said, looking up at the ceiling as they chatted. She really was feeling a lot better.

“Don't push too hard. Just take it easy, remember. I want to take you out when you get back, so rest up. There's a new restaurant on Clement I want to try.” It all sounded so alive and so real, and so hopeful.

And she said as much to Dr. Kroner that afternoon when he came by. But she didn't have to, he could see it. She was still a little dehydrated, and he wanted her to push fluids more, but she looked like a new woman. He knew that she was aware that she would have times like that, terrible moments, and episodes of illness or despair, and then she would rally. Eventually the bad times would outnumber the good ones, but not necessarily for a long time. She could go on like this for a long time before it got worse, or it could get worse very quickly. No one could predict it, and she knew that better than he did.

“Can your locum tenens guy stay on for a while?” he asked after he had checked her, and sat down to chat in her cabin.

“Actually, yes, he can,” she laughed, thinking of all the things Sam had said since the day before. “He can stay for quite a while. He's agreed to come in full-time.” She was smiling as she said it.

“That's terrific,” he said, looking pleased for her, and a little surprised that she looked so happy. The episode of the day before seemed to have left her almost ecstatic. It was an unusual reaction for someone who was potentially as sick as she was. “But how much of the work do you think you'll be willing to let him take on? You have to agree to give some of it up, Dr. Phillips,” he said, and she nodded, but she couldn't stop smiling.

“Actually, I think he'll be taking on quite a lot.” She paused as she looked at him. “He wants to get married,” she said, feeling like a kid again, and not even a sick one. She wasn't even sure if they would, but the fact that he wanted to touched her deeply. Knowing that he wanted to be there for her meant everything, with or without a wedding. The wedding was only frosting on the cake, the important thing was that he'd be there for her, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. That was all that mattered.

Dr. Kroner congratulated her, and he looked pleased for her. Things certainly seemed to be working out well for her, and that was important. She said that she had told her friends about her illness too, and it had been very emotional for all of them, but she felt great support from all the people who really mattered to her.

“You know how much that means,” he reminded her. It was important not to make oneself vulnerable by telling the wrong people about the disease, those who couldn't handle it, and would shrink from patients in horror. But most people had a small core group who could make a difference, and now she had one.

They talked about her plans for a while, and her work, and her clinic, and Sam, and Jade, and the things she wanted to do when she got home. He reminded her not to overdo it, and she promised she wouldn't, but he said he didn't believe her.

“You're probably right,” she laughed. She couldn't wait to get back and see her patients, but she was having fun in Wyoming too, and she thought it was doing her good. Like the others, she had felt the same pull here. There was something almost mystical about the mountains.

And then he asked her something that surprised her. He said he wanted a favor from her, and she couldn't imagine what it was. But she was deeply touched when he asked if she would visit some of his patients. She was so knowledgeable and she had so much experience, it would be invaluable to him if she would see them. He only had about half a dozen, but he read everything he could, and had a huge library on AIDS-related research. He had copies of all her articles, he said. But having her actually consult with him would be the greatest help he could think of.

“Not until you're feeling stronger of course… maybe in a few days…” He looked up at her with hopeful eyes, and she told him she'd be happy to do it. In fact, she was honored,

“What kind of visiting services do you have?” she asked with interest.

“Not bad,” he said modestly, grateful for her interest. “We have a wonderful hospice group, and some terrific nurses. I see everyone I can. I go out to them, I try to rally their friends and families to help them. We're trying to organize some kind of a small central kitchen run by some friends, a little bit like Project Open Hand in San Francisco, on a smaller scale. I hope we never need to service that many people. For the moment, fortunately, we don't have that many cases. But with the influx of people from urban areas, people in the entertainment business, writers, people who just want to escape, I think that, conceivably, we could wind up with a lot more people coming here who have AIDS, possibly even in late stages, and in need of treatment. I'd appreciate all the input from you I can get,” he said, and she nodded soberly. She promised to send him some additional books too, volumes that had been useful to her, and even some of the articles Sam had recommended to her. They started discussing alternative medications then, and by the end of the afternoon they discovered they'd been talking shop for nearly two hours. She was tired by then, and he suggested she take a nap before she tackled dinner. She wanted to go to the dining room, to watch the two-step lesson they were having afterward. It sounded like fun and she knew the others were going. And she wanted to go with them.

“I'll come and see you at the hospital in a few days, or maybe you want me to do house calls with you. See what works best for you,” Zoe said helpfully, “I'm open to anything, just leave me a message.” They were doctor and student now, more than doctor and patient, but he knew that she was well aware, better even than he, of what she needed. She thanked him again for his help the day before, and when he left, she lay down again and fell asleep. She was sleeping soundly when the others came back from riding. It had been a pleasant afternoon for them. They had paired off as they often did now, Hartley rode with Mary Stuart, and Tanya rode on ahead with Gordon. And she was happy to hear he was coming to the dancing lesson in the main living room that night. It was one of the rare occasions when the wranglers were not only allowed to mingle, but asked to. And Gordon was particularly popular because everyone said he was such a good dancer.

Zoe woke up in time to get dressed, and chatted with her friends. With Zoe feeling so much better again, in spite of what they now knew of her disease, they were all in surprisingly high spirits. But their romances had them all laughing and talking and giggling. And once again it reminded all of them of the old days in Berkeley.

“God, it's like being kids again, isn't it?” Tanya said, still amazed at what was happening to each of them. “Do you suppose it's the water here?” She hadn't had as much to say to anyone in years as she seemed to with Gordon, and Mary Stuart and Hartley looked as though they had always been together. They were amazingly comfortable and completely at ease, and they seemed to have identical, or at least compatible, views on almost every subject.