Danielle Steel - Wings

“I'm not sure.” She looked at Desmond honestly. “I don't want to short-change you. You've already had two marriages that cheated you out of what you should have had. I…” She looked into his eyes then, and saw all his desperate hope there. He was pleading with her, without saying a word, and all she wanted to do was please him. She wanted to help him, and be there for him… and maybe that meant she loved him.

“I know how much he must mean to you,” he said understandingly “I don't expect to replace him overnight, Cass… I understand… I just love you.”

“I love you too,” she said softly. And she did. She valued his friendship, and his loyalty. She respected and admired everything about him. He had done nothing but good things for her. Right from the moment they met he had been wonderful to her. And now he wanted to give her everything. He wanted her to become Mrs. Desmond Williams. She couldn't help smiling at the idea. It was more than a little overwhelming.

“If it doesn't work for you, we'll get divorced,” he said, as though to reassure her. But she looked horrified at the suggestion.

“I would never do that.” She had her parents’ marriage as an example. “I don't mean to seem… ungrateful… or hesitant.” She was groping for the right words, as he watched her. His eyes never left hers, and she felt the power of his wanting bore through her. She was surprised at the sheer force of him, as he held her hand and sat next to her. She could feel the strength of his need for her, and everything he wanted to give her.

“I'll never hurt you, Cass. And I'll always leave you free to be your own person. You're too important to me to try and clip your wings. You can do, and be, anything you want if we get married.”

“Would you ever want children?” She was almost embarrassed to ask him. The question was so intimate, and their relationship never had been.

‘They're not important to me,” he said honestly. “But maybe some day, if that's what you really want, and you're not too busy flying. But I think that's something you really have to think about. You have a lot of important things to do with your life. Having children might be more appropriate for women like your sisters. That's their job. You have yours, and it's a very important one. But I'm not telling you I wouldn't have one. I just wonder if that's really what you want.”

“I've never been sure. I used to think I didn't.” And then with Nick, she had begun to think she would love to have his babies. She didn't feel ready to give up the idea forever. It was too soon, and she was too young to decide that, and he knew it.

“You've got plenty of time to make those decisions later. At twenty-one, it's really not all that important. And you've got the tour to think of.” It was that that brought them together. And now she could imagine feeling even closer to him, if they were married.

“Desmond, I don't know what to say to you.” She was near tears as he pulled her closer.

“Say you'll marry me,” he said, putting an arm around her shoulder and bringing her closer. “Say you trust me… say that even if you're not sure now, you believe that one day you could really love me. I already do, Cass. I love you more than anyone or anything in my life until this moment.”

How could she deny that? How could she let him down, or run away from him? How could she spend a lifetime waiting for Nick when she knew he wouldn't marry her? Her father had told him as much the last time he'd been home. If Nick wouldn't many her, he had no right to interfere with her future, or her decisions.

“Yes…” The word was barely more than a whisper as he stared at her in amazement. “Yes,” she said it very softly, and without another sound, he kissed her. It seemed hours before he let her go again, and Cassie was trembling with emotion.

“My parents are going to be stunned,” she said, looking like a child suddenly, and then she had a thought. Everything was going to be so different.

“Why don't you come home with me for Christmas?” She wanted to take him home to her family. If they were going to be married, it was important to her that he meet them and spend time with them. Her parents didn't even remember meeting him when Chris died. And their announcement would certainly make for an unexpectedly happy Christmas for the O'Malleys.

But he looked uncomfortable at the invitation. He hadn't had a family Christmas in years. He no longer even missed them. “Cass, I don't want to intrude, sweetheart. Especially not this year. It may be a lot for your parents to absorb. And holidays aren't my strong suit.”

But she looked terribly disappointed. “Desmond, please. They'll think I made it up, and stole the ring.”

“No, they won't. I'll call you three times a day. Honestly, I have a ton of work to do. You know that better than anyone. And when you come back, we'll go skiing for a weekend.” The last thing he wanted to do was spend Christmas in Illinois with the O'Malleys. The thought of it made him desperately uncomfortable and nothing she said would persuade him.

“I don't want to go skiing. I want you to come home with me,” she insisted with tears in her eyes. She was suddenly overwhelmed by events and emotions. She was engaged to Desmond Williams. It was amazing. And through it all she tried to force herself not to think of Nick Calvin.

“I promise we'll go next year,” he said firmly.

“Well, I should hope so,” she said, shocked at the idea that they wouldn't. “You're not just getting me, you're getting my family. And there are lots of us.” She beamed, warming up to the idea of announcing her engagement.

“There's only one of you,” he said intensely and then he kissed her again. And for a flash of an instant, she thought of Nick, and knew she had betrayed him. And as she thought of him, she remembered his warnings about Desmond. But he'd been wrong about him. Desmond was a decent man. He loved her and she knew that in time she would love him, and they would have a great life together.

“When shall we set the date for?” Desmond broke into her thoughts again as he poured her another glass of champagne. “Let's not wait too long. I'm not sure I can stand it, now that you've said yes. You'll have to keep Nancy around to protect you.” He smiled knowingly at her and she blushed as she smiled up at him.

“I'll be sure to warn her,” Cassie said softly. She was happy with him, she always had been, even now they were more like friends than lovers, except for the sudden fervor of his kisses.

“What about Valentine's Day?” he suggested. “It's sort of corny, but I like it. What do you think?” He sounded as though he were planning the tour, but she didn't mind that. She was used to Desmond being in control of things, but she also knew that he respected her opinions.

It was all so romantic. She was marrying a man that any woman in the world would have given her right arm to be married to, and he wanted to marry her on Valentine's Day. How much more perfect could it get, she asked herself. Not much… except if Nick had felt any different… But she wouldn't let herself think that. She couldn't. She would hold onto the dream of him forever, but that's all it was now.

“Valentine's Day is less than two months away,” she said, looking startled. “Will we have a big wedding?” She was looking down at her ring, and flashing it. It looked like a headlamp. Everything seemed so unreal. It had been a remarkable evening.

“Do you like it?” he asked, as he pulled her closer again and kissed her.

“I love it.” She had never even seen a diamond that size, nor had anyone she knew. It was beyond amazing. And so was Desmond Williams.

“In answer to your question,” he said, with a smile, as she flashed her ring at him again and sipped champagne, with a giggle, “no, I don't think we should have a big wedding. I think we should have a very small one, with only special people in attendance.” He kissed her again, and explained, “This may be your first wedding, my love… but it's not mine. I think the third time one ought to be discreet, so as to generate a minimum of comment.”