Danielle Steel - Wings

“Don't go…” she whispered over the remains of their lunch. She didn't know what to say to stop him, but she wanted to more than anything. She didn't want to lose him.

“I have to.”

“No, you don't !” She raised her voice at him, and people turned around at other tables. “You don't have to do anything!”

“Neither did you,” he suddenly raged back, “but you've made choices with your life. I have a right to that too. I'm not going to sit here while they fight a war without me.” They took their battle outside and shouted at each other in the September sunshine.

“Are you so important then? You're the only flier who can do it right for them? For God's sake, Nick, grow up. Stay here… don't get yourself killed in a fight that's not yours, or even ours… Nick… please…” She was crying, and before he knew it, he was holding her and telling her how much he loved her. He had promised himself he never would, and now he couldn't stop himself any longer.

“Baby, don't… please… I love you so much… but I've got to do this… and when I come back, things'll be different. Maybe you'll be through playing Skygirl for Desmond Williams by then, and I'll have learned something I never figured out the first time. I want so much more than I have now… And, Cassie, I never figured out how to get it.”

“All you have to do is reach out and take it… that's all…” She was clinging to him, and he was holding her, and all she wanted suddenly was to go away somewhere with him and forget the war, but there was nowhere to run now.

“It's not as simple as all that,” he said slowly, looking down at her. There was so much he wanted to say to her, so much he didn't dare. And maybe he never would. He just didn't have the answers.

They walked back to his truck hand in hand, and when they got to the airport he drove to the hangar where they kept the Jenny. It was the plane he had taught her in, and she knew without a word where they were going. She got into the front seat, out of deference to him, since the instructor always sat in the rear seat, and a few minutes later they had done all their checks, and were taxiing down the runway. Her father saw them take off and he didn't say anything. He knew Nick must have told her he was going.

They reached the old airstrip, and Nick let her land, and they sat beneath their familiar tree. She laid her head against him, and they sat in the soft grass, looking up at the sky. It was hard to believe that there was a war somewhere, and Nick was really going.

“Why?” she said miserably after a while, the tears rolling slowly down her cheeks, and then her eyes met his and he thought his heart would break as he touched her face, and gently wiped her tears away with his fingers. “Why do you have to go?” After all this time, he had told her he loved her, and now he was leaving, maybe even forever.

“Because I believe in what I'm doing. I believe in free men, and honor, and a safe world, and all those things I'm going to defend in the skies over England.”

“You did that once. Let someone else do it this time, Nick. It's not your problem.”

“Yes, it is. And I've got nothing important to do here. Even though that's my own fault.”

“So you're going because you're bored.” There was always a little bit of that in all men, that and the spirit of the hunter. But there were good motives there too, and she knew that. She just thought it was foolish of him to go now, and she didn't want him to get hurt. But he swore he wouldn't.

“I'm too good to get hurt,” he said, teasing her.

“You fly like shit when you're tired,” she said, not entirely believing it, but he laughed.

“I'll be sure to get lots of sleep. What about you?” he said, frowning. “You're flying those damn heavy planes over the desert, don't think I don't know the chances you take testing them. Plenty of guys have gotten killed doing it, and they probably flew better than you do.” It reminded her of Nancy's husband when he said it and she nodded. She couldn't deny the dangers of her job, but she was good at what she did, and there were no Germans shooting at her over Las Vegas.

“I'm careful.”

“We all are. Sometimes that's not enough. Sometimes you just have to be lucky.”

“Be lucky… please…” she whispered to him, and he looked at her for a long time, and then without a word, he did what he had wanted to for so long, and never dared. What he had never let himself do, and thought he never would. But now he knew he had to. He couldn't leave without letting her know how much he loved her. He leaned down ever so gently, and kissed her. And she kissed him back as she had kissed no man before him. There had been no man… only a boy… and now, Nick, the man she had loved since she was old enough to remember.

“I love you,” he whispered into her hair, breathlessly, wishing there could be more, but he knew there couldn't. “I always have… I always will… I want to give you so much, Cass… but I have nothing to give you…”

“How can you say that?” He broke her heart with his words. “I've been in love with you since I was five… I've always loved you. That's all we need. I don't want anything else.”

“You should have lots more than that… you should have a house and kids… you should have a lot of things, like all the things they've given you in California. But they should come from your husband.”

“My parents never had fancy things, but they didn't care. They had each other, and they built my father's business from a pile of dirt. I don't care if we start with nothing.”

“I couldn't let you do that, Cass. And your father would kill me. I'm eighteen years older than you are.”

“So what?” She was unimpressed, all she could think of now was the fact that he loved her. And she didn't want to lose him. Not after all they'd been through.

“I'm an old man,” he tried to object unconvincingly, “compared to you at least. You should marry someone your age and have a mob of kids like your parents.”

“I'd probably go crazy if I did. And I don't want a mob of kids. I never did. Just one or two kids would be fine.” With Nick, even the prospect of children wasn't as daunting as she had once thought it.

He smiled down at her tenderly as he listened to her, trying to talk him into something impossible. He was going to war, and she had a contract to fly planes in California. But he had to admit, he liked the sound of what she was saying. Maybe someday though he doubted it. He'd never be that lucky or that foolish. She deserved so much more than he could ever give her. “I'd love to give you kids, Cassie… I'd love to give you everything I have to give. But I'm never going to have anything but a bunch of old planes, and a shack at the end of your father's airport.”

“He'd give you half of everything, and you know it. You've earned it. You built the business with him. You know he's always wanted you to be his partner.”

“It's funny, I was so young when I started out that I never wanted to be more than a hired hand, and now I'm sorry. Maybe you're doing the right thing with that crazy job of yours, Cass. Make a bunch of money, save it up, and come back where you belong with something to show for it. I don't have zip, and I never cared… until you grew up, and I realized everything I didn't have to give you. That and the fact that I'm almost twice your age, and your father would probably kill me for this.”

“I doubt it,” Cassie said wisely. She was smarter than he was about her father. “I've always thought he wouldn't be surprised. I think he'd rather I was happy than married to the wrong man and miserable.”

“You should be married to a man like Desmond Williams,” he said unhappily and she laughed at him. He hated the thought of it, but Williams had so much to give her.