Gerald Durrell - The Talking Parcel

“Are you all right, Penny?” shouted Simon.

“Quite all right,” she shouted back.

“It was these stupid Unicorns,” shouted Peter. “They said they could smell Cockatrice ...” His voice died away as he saw all the smoldering bushes and charred trees. “So the Uni­corns were right,” he said. “There were Cockatrices about.”

“And if it hadn’t been for Ethelred’s bravery, I don’t know what would have happened,” said Penelope, climbing onto her Unicorn.

“ ’Ere, steady on, miss,” said Ethelred, as he took his place behind her. “You’re making me all embarrassed.”

“Ethelred’s made a most important discovery,” said Penel­ope. “But with all these Cockatrices about, it’s not safe here. Let’s get back to the Crystal Caves and I’ll tell you about it there.”

“Come on, then,” said Parrot, “full steam ahead.”

And at a smart canter they headed for the Crystal Caves.

The Singing Sea

H.H. was terribly excited at the news that the Weasels might join, that the Griffons would join, and that Ethelred had found something that threw Cockatrices into convulsions.

“Lavender water?” he said. “How interesting. It gives them a form of hay fever, I expect, like a very nasty cold. I wonder if I can make up a substitute?”

“Don’t you grow lavender here?” asked Penelope.

“It grows on one of the islands,” said H.H., “but without Hepsibar’s Herbal I’m afraid I can’t remember which one.”

“I got terrible hay fever once from a plant when I went on holiday,” said Tabitha. “Let me just smell it and see if it’s the same.”

So they gave her the lavender water to smell, and it had the same effect that it had on the Cockatrices. Tabitha set fire to two sofas, fourteen cushions, and a table with her sneezes be­fore she was brought back to normal by having a bucket of water poured over her head.

“That’s it, that was the plant,” she gasped. “Oh my goodness me, I haven’t sneezed like that since I used pepper by mistake for face powder.”

“How on earth did you do that?” asked Penelope in surprise.

"Well, I was making up in the dark, you see,” she explained, wiping her still streaming eyes.

“Making up in the dark?” said Penelope. “Whatever for?”

“Well, it was a midnight ball that I was going to. There was no moon, you see, so naturally I made up in the dark,” said Tabitha.

“Where did you say this plant grew?” asked H.H.

“Golden Goose Island,” said Tabitha. “We Dragons went on a camping holiday there. We all got it. You can imagine how it spoilt our holiday.”

Having seen the damage that one Dragon could do after smelling lavender, the children could imagine the turmoil of fifty camping Dragons all having lavender fever at the same time.

“Well, that is useful,” said H.H. in a pleased tone of voice. “Golden Goose Island lies on the direct route to Werewolf Island, so you can gather some lavender on your way back. I’ll make up an infusion of it and we’ll keep it handy.”

“Nowwe’d better plan the voyage,” said Simon. “Have you got a chart, H.H.?”

“Yes, I have an excellent one,” said H.H. He pulled out a great parchment map which showed the whole of Mythologia and the sea and all its islands. “Now, we are there,” he said, ad­justing his glasses, “and there is Cockatrice Castle over there. Now, you’ll have to get down here, to the beach, and head in the southwesterly direction, past Moonraker’s Marsh, past the Agate Archipelago, then you’ll see Golden Goose Island on your left, and north-northeast of that lies Werewolf Island.”

“How long do you think the voyage will take us?” asked Peter.

“Oh, several hours,” said H.H.

“I suppose you haven’t got such a thing as an outboard engine, have you?” asked Simon hopefully.

“I’m afraid not,” said H.H. “But we can make you a Moon­calf jelly sail and I’ll give you a spanking wind to help you along. Hows that?”

“Splendid,” said Peter. “You know, next to attacking Cocka­trice Castle, this seems to be an excellent adventure.”

“Don’t speak too soon,” warned Parrot. “Those Werewolves are nasty customers.”

“ You're not going,” screamed Dulcibelle suddenly. “You’re not going to Werewolf Island, I won’t have it. I shall sulk. I shall resign. I shall go into hibernation. I shall scream. I shall shout; I shall never ever never ever speak to you again, so there.”

So saying, she burst into tears and pulled down all the cur­tains on her cage.

Penelope went across to Parrot’s cage to talk to her.

“Dulcibelle dear,” she said, “we know you think the world of Parrot—and so do we—so we wouldn’t ask him to come unless it was absolutely necessary, you must realize that. But I prom­ise you that if you let him come, I will see that he takes no risks and leaves all the dangerous work to my cousins and me.”

“Well,” said Dulcibelle, raising one curtain and wiping her eyes with the corner of it. “If you promise to look after him.”

“I promise,” said Penelope.

“Now if you women have finished,” said Parrot in a loud and embarrassed voice, “perhaps we can get on with the planning of this mission.”

“I reckon,” said Simon, who had been doing a lot of mathe­matics on a piece of paper, “I reckon that if H.H. gives us a four-knot wind at dawn tomorrow, barring accidents we should reach Werewolf Island by three thirty in the afternoon. That means that we can collect the rue and sail all night and be back here the dawn the day after.”

“Do you think you can do it in that time?” asked H.H.

doubtfully. “On no account must you land at night. That’s when the werewolves are most dangerous.”

“If you can give us a steady wind,” said Simon, “we should do it.”

“That’s no trouble,” said H.H. “You just tell me the direc­tion and the force and I’ll turn it on—nothing simpler.”

“You must take your seasick pills,” shouted Dulcibelle sud­denly.

“Do be quiet, woman,” said Parrot crossly. “We’re discuss­ing important things.”

“Seasickness is important,” said Dulcibelle. “If you’re so sea­sick you can’t run away from a Werewolf-— that's important.”

“I promise I’ll see that he takes them,” said Penelope sooth­ingly.

“I’d love to come with you and help,” said Tabitha, “but I’m afraid I’m too big for the boat.”

“You’re too big and I’m too old,” said H.H. “Ah, well, but I feel guilty at letting you children do all the work and take all the risks.”

“Nonsense,” said Peter. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

“Nor would I,” said Simon.

“You’re not to worry,” said Penelope, throwing her arms around H.H. and kissing him on his rosy cheek. “We love help­ing you and we’ll get Mythologia back for you, you see if we don’t.”

“ ’Ere, ’ere, three cheers for Miss Penelope,” said Ethelred, clapping.

“You’re very kind, very kind,” said H.H., taking off his glasses, which had suddenly become misty, and blowing his nose violently.

“Miss,” Ethelred said eagerly. “Can I come too, miss? I’m not very big, like, and I wouldn’t take up much room, and I might be able to ’elp.”

“Of course, he can come,” said Simon, “brave Toad.”

“Yes, of course,” agreed Peter, “quick-witted Ethelred.” “You can come as my personal protector,” said Penelope, “and we’ll be proud to have you with us.”

Ethelred was so overcome that he went as red as fourteen pounds of overripe tomatoes, and he had to go into a corner and blow his nose very vigorously several times.