Vladimir Sorokin - The Blizzard

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The doctor opened his eyes. He was writhing in the arms of two servant women. His body was convulsing like an epileptic’s. Nearby, the bodies of the three Vitaminders were writhing convulsively, too. The servants held them back carefully. The convulsions began to subside. All four of them gradually began to return to their senses.

The Kazakh girls wiped their faces, stroked them, and muttered soothing words in their own language.

“A superproduct,” said Bedight, who had calmed down and taken a sip of water.

“Nine points…,” Slumber muttered, wiping his wet face and blowing his nose. “Maybe even nine and a half.”

Lull Abai said nothing: he just shook his melon-shaped head and wiped the narrow slits of his eyes.

For several long minutes the doctor sat still, dumbfounded. His pince-nez hung around his neck; his nose seemed to have grown even bigger and hung imposingly over his lips. All of a sudden he stood up, crossed himself vigorously, and spoke in a loud voice: “Thank the Lord!”

And then he began to sob like a child. He fell to his knees, his face buried in his palms. Two girls approached and embraced him. But Bedight gave them a warning sign and they stepped back.

After sobbing awhile, the doctor took out his handkerchief, blew his nose noisily, wiped his eyes, put on his pince-nez, and stood up.

“How marvelous, we’re alive!” he said.

He suddenly started laughing, waving his arms about, and shaking his head. His laughter turned into a giggle. He giggled and giggled, to the point of hysterics.

The Vitaminders smiled. And they, too, began to giggle; they fell off their chairs onto the floor, into the arms of the servants. Laughter tormented them for some time. Eventually they stopped laughing, calmed down, shook their heads, began to chuckle, and once again dissolved into laughter. The doctor suffered from the giggles more than the others; it was the first time he had tried the pyramid product. He writhed on the felt floor; he squealed and sobbed; saliva sprayed from his mouth; his hands flapped; he whined; he turned his head back and forth, shook his finger at someone, exclaimed, lamented, and giggled, giggled, giggled. His nose turned red, like a drunk’s, and blood flowed into his trembling cheeks.

Bedight made a sign to one of the girls, and she sprayed water on the doctor’s crimson face.

He gradually grew calmer and lay on his back, hiccupping. After he caught his breath, he sat up. The girl gave him some water. He drank and sighed deeply. He took out his handkerchief again, and again blew his nose and wiped his face. He put on his pince-nez. Looking seriously at the Vitaminders sitting at the table, he spoke:

“Brilliant!”

They nodded understandingly.

“How much?” the doctor asked, rising from the floor and straightening his clothes.

“Ten.”

“I’ll take two.” He fished in his pocket for his wallet and took out all there was—two tens, a three, and the five promised to Crouper.

“Of course, doctor,” Bedight smiled. “Zamira!”

The girl opened the chest and took out two pyramids. The doctor tossed the two tens on the black table. Bedight picked them up with slender, sensitive fingers. The girl put the pyramids into a sack and handed it to the doctor. He took it and shook his head energetically:

“Time for me to go, gentlemen.”

“You’re going to leave?” Slumber asked.

“Absolutely!”

“Perhaps you’d stay the night with us?” Bedight touched his left shoulder, and the girl rushed over and began to massage it.

“No! I must be off, off!” said the doctor with a vigorous turn of the head. “Time to hit the road!”

“As you see fit. But it’s warm and comfy here.” Bedight winked at the girls. “Especially at night.”

The servant girls laughed and suddenly sang in chorus:

“Lull Abai, we’ll say goodnight. With roses, Bedight. Lay thee down and sleep, Slumber!”

The Vitaminders smiled.

“Lay thee down and rest, Lull Abai!” the slenderest of the girls cried out in a delicate voice.

Lull Abai’s round face grew even puffier. The Vitaminders’ smiles seemed to urge the doctor on: he desperately wanted to get outside and leave this felt comfort.

“I thank you, gentlemen!” he said in a loud voice, nodding as he headed toward the felt door, which one of the young women opened in advance.

“Drop by on the way back,” said Slumber.

“You may be assured!” the doctor muttered decisively, as he disappeared through the door.

The girl grabbed the doctor’s travel bags and followed him.

In the entryway the servants helped the doctor put on his coat. Bakhtiyar appeared.

“Now, where’s my driver?” said the doctor, turning his head and pulling his hat on.

“In the hut.” Bakhtiyar gestured toward the opening cut into the felt.

The doctor looked in.

Crouper was dozing, sitting on the sled with his felt boots resting on the open hood. The little horses stood between his legs, chewing.

“Kozma! My dear friend!” the doctor exclaimed joyfully.

He was happy to see Crouper, the sled, and the horses.

Crouper woke right away, turned, and lifted his boots out of the hood. The doctor set down the package with the pyramids, embraced Crouper, and pressed him to his breast.

“Well, I…,” Crouper began to speak, but the doctor hugged him tighter.

Crouper froze, bewildered. The doctor stepped back and looked him straight in the eye.

“All people are brothers, Kozma,” the doctor said seriously, and with some solemnity. He laughed joyfully. “I missed you, friend!”

“Well, I just caught a few winks here.” Crouper looked away, smiling in embarrassment.

Bakhtiyar watched them with a smile.

“Did you think of me?” asked the doctor, giving the driver’s emaciated body a shake.

“Uh, I thought ye was asleep.”

“No, my man! No time to sleep now. We have to live, Kozma! Live!” He shook Crouper: “Are we off?”

“Now?” Crouper asked timidly.

“Now! Let’s go! Let’s go!” said the doctor, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Well, I guess we could go…”

“Let’s go, friend!”

The horses, still chewing the oat flour Crouper had given them, lifted their heads and snorted, watching alertly.

“If ye say so, I reckon we’ll be off…”

“I say so, friend! Let’s go! We have to hurry to do some good for people! You understand me?” asked the doctor, clapping him again.

“’Course I understand.”

“Then let’s be off!”

He let go of Crouper, who immediately busied himself with the sled and set to strapping down the travel bags.

“Hide this one way back!” said the doctor, nodding at the package with the pyramids.

Crouper stuck the package under his seat.

Bakhtiyar unbuckled the laser cutter from his belt and aimed it at the felt wall. A blue needle of cold flame sparkled, an unpleasant crack was heard, and foul-smelling smoke appeared. Bakhtiyar deftly cut an exit in the wall and kicked it. The piece of felt toppled over. The blizzard rushed into the shelter. The doctor ran outside. The blizzard whirled and whistled about him.

The doctor took off his fur hat, crossed himself, and bowed to this familiar, cold, white, whistling space.

“Heigh-yup!” Crouper’s voice sounded muffled from within the shelter.

The sled slid through the opening, leaving the warmth of the felt shelter.

The doctor put his hat back on and shouted, spreading his arms wide as though to embrace the blizzard, like he had Crouper, and press it to his breast:

“Woo-hooo!”

The blizzard wailed in reply.

“Ain’t settled down at all, yur ’onor.” Crouper grinned. “Look how she’s hootin’ and howlin’.”