Ramez Naam - Nexus

Mai shook her head slowly, wide-eyed. She looked at Robyn. "Will you come play with me?" Childlike curiosity and wonder swept out from her. It was infectious, contagious. Robyn couldn't imagine anything more delightful than playing with this child.

Robyn looked at Mother Chariya. The older woman nodded. "You may play for a little while, Mai. Then it will be time to sleep again."

Mai answered with a happy squeal and an outpouring of delight. Robyn felt her spirit soar with the little girl's. Mai seemed to read her heart, took her hand, led her skipping down the hall.

Her room was only a little bigger than a closet, but it was full of love. Drawings covered the walls. Bright geometric mandalas; Thai fairy princesses; elephants with cross-legged Buddhas atop them; Chariya and Niran, nearly lifelike, with a child between them. Bright lines connected the chakras of the three figures, a procession of layered triangles in a rainbow of colors.

Mai showed Robyn her toys. There was a stuffed elephant with an ornate box on his back to ride in. A monkey as large as the elephant. A beautiful Thai princess in a dress of red and gold. A Buddha who rode in the box. Mai put Monkey in Robyn's hands, made believe a story about a princess deep asleep in the forest and a monkey who had to lead the Buddha on the elephant to her to wake her up. The story came across in bits of English, in Thai, in images and emotions radiating from Mai's tiny mind.

Robyn could barely follow the game. Her heart was in her throat. Her chest was full of sensation. She could do little but marvel at the existence of this child. So young. So carefree. The child exuded happiness . Joyousness. Serenity almost. Mai felt safe here. She felt loved here. Here… in the midst of… in the midst of… in this terrible…

"I would like to have a sister," Mai said. It came across in emotions and desires as much as it did in words. Someone to hold her hand. Someone to braid her hair. Someone to sleep at night with. Someone to play games with. Someone to laugh with and share secrets with.

"Do you have a sister?" the little girl asked Robyn.

Robyn shook her head. Her heart was pounding in her chest, threatening to erupt. Her voice wouldn't function.

"Would you like to be my sister?" Mai asked.

There were tears on Robyn's face. She didn't know why. There was a face in her mind. A girl. A little girl. A fire. No. No. No.

Mai touched Robyn's face with her small hand. "Don't be sad."

A sob wrenched itself free of Robyn's throat. She pulled the girl close, held her.

Mai kissed the side of her face with those tiny lips. "My mommy's gone too," she said.

No. No. Her parents lived in San Antonio. They were teachers. Her parents weren't dead. They hadn't died in the fire. They hadn't been… They hadn't been…

Her sister! A moan escaped her. She was losing her mind. She'd never had a sister. Her sister had died in the fire. She'd killed for her sweet little Ana. She'd killed them all. No, she'd never had a sister at all!

"It's OK, Sam," Mai said. "You can be my sister."

Sam? No. Her name was Robyn. Robyn Rodriguez. She was a grad student at Stanford. She was here to attend… She was here to… She was…

Her sister. Ana. Oh my god. The tears flowed freely from her eyes. The grief was unbearable.

"Shhhhh… It's OK…" There was something happening. Something in her mind. A bright light, a pinprick, white, glorious, glowing. It was Mai. She was inside her, doing something, comforting her, pushing back the shadows.

Her name was Samantha Cataranes. She'd been someone else long ago. An awful thing had shaped her, made her who she was. She'd lost all that she loved. She'd buried it in a box inside her mind. The light of Mai's mind opened it, brought it out to her, cast it in warm bright light, buffered it not at all, but made Sam brave enough to see it again, all of it. This girl, or the Nexus, or the Empathek, or all of them, wrapped her in love, and she saw that she would not be trapped, that she would not be a prisoner of those years all her life, that she was bigger than anything that could happen to her, that she could not only overcome it, not only master it, but transcend it, leave it behind.

And this girl… this Mai… So like her sister. This place, these people. So like the place she'd grown up, the place where awful things had happened, the people who'd done them. But different. Totally and completely different. Ana had known pain, would have known more… This girl… Mai. She knew love. This was the dream her parents had tried to make real, but uncorrupted. Sam feared for it. So fragile, so precious.

Her heart was bursting. She felt the inexorable urge to communicate. She had to let this out in some way. She had to speak the things she'd learned. She looked at this sweet, beautiful girl. She wasn't sure how much Mai had already seen. A lot, quite possibly. But she couldn't burden this beautiful radiant innocent child with her own darkness.

"Mai… thank you. Thank you so much." She felt the tears drying on her face.

Mai smiled at her. The girl was radiant, inside and out. "Are you my sister now?"

Sam nodded fiercely, opened her heart and beamed the love she felt out of it and into this wondrous child. "Yes. I'm your sister, Mai. And you're mine."

Mai beamed.

"You have to go to sleep now, Mai. I'll play with you more soon, OK?"

Mai nodded. Satisfied. This had been good playtime. She had a sister now.

Sam tucked her in bed tenderly, kissed the girl's brow, turned off the light.

She cleaned up the mess of her face as well as she could in the bathroom. She had no patience for it. Her dilated pupils stared back at her. Something sang inside her, compelled her to set it free.

She wandered into the living room. Her breath came short. Her heart still pumped hard in her chest. Whether it was the drugs, whether it was Mai, whether it was what she was about to do, she didn't know. She had to share.

Her eyes met Narong's. He smiled at her. He would listen. No. He didn't know who she really was. Her eyes tracked right. Niran was looking at her curiously. She didn't care. She went past him. There, Kade. He was explaining something to Loesan, gesturing with his hands. Sam could feel a mild wash of it from his mind. Neuroscience. Something about improving on Nexus. He didn't see her. Didn't notice her.

She called to Kade with her mind, put all her longing into it, her need for him right now, her need to connect with him. Even from across the room he felt it, and it stopped him in midthought. He turned, met her eyes with his, nodded. He excused himself from his audience and wandered over to her. All eyes were on the two of them now.

There was a room. A small guest room. The knowledge was Niran's or Chariya's or maybe someone else's. It didn't matter. She took him by the hand, led him there. It was even smaller than Mai's room, nothing but a narrow mattress on the floor and a tiny wooden table.

She lay down, pulled him down next to her. His mind was full of curiosity, concern. What was going on?

"Kade, Kade, Kade…" she whispered, her face inches from his. "Oh, Kade. Oh my god, Kade."

"Hey, slow down there. You OK? What's going on?" Concern broke through. He was worried about her.

How could she explain? How could she start? He didn't even know who he was, let alone who she was.

"Robyn, talk to me…"

She shook her head. "My name's not Robyn, Kade. I have to show you…"

Sam wrapped her arms and legs around him, held him close. She wrapped her mind around his, sent comfort, peace.

"This is going to be a shock to your system, Kade."

Alarm. He started to squirm against her grip. She wouldn't let him.

"Robyn, what the hell?"

She whispered his counter-mantra, with her mouth, with her mind.