Lisa Gardner - Touch & Go

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out, so I closed it again. “He tried to kill me,” I heard myself say.

Radar rolled his eyes at me. “Pretty fucking stupid thing to do, Tase a guy twice your size. Take it from me, your survival skills could use some work.”

“Bigger they are, the harder they fall,” I murmured.

“Yep, and the faster they crush your skull.”

“Are you friends?”

The kid shrugged, shifted uncomfortably. “We know each other. That’s enough.”

“There’s something wrong with him.”

Radar shrugged again. “Tell me something I don’t know.”

“He would’ve killed me. Then my husband. Then my daughter.”

“Z stopped him.”

“Is he the boss?”

“In any grouping of more than one, there is a boss.”

“Can he control Mick?”

“Z?” Radar laughed. “Z can control the world. Question is, does he want to?”

“I think I’m going to vomit now.”

“Now, see, you tell that to a real doctor, they run away. I, on the other hand, already have a bag.”

The kid held up a plastic grocery bag. I rolled slightly to the side, and threw up a small stream of water. Then I dry heaved, then I fell back, holding my aching stomach. Radar wasn’t impressed. “You need to drink. Look at your skin.” He pinched the back of my hand, then shook his head. “Already dehydrated. What do you think, you’re on a pleasure cruise? First rule of thumb in an adverse situation: Tend to your own health. You need fluids. You need food.”

“I need my purse.” I whispered the words without thinking, already licking at my cracked lips.

“Can’t,” the kid said levelly. “No Vicodin as long as you have a head injury.”

“How did you…?”

“Some people limit themselves to going through life using all five senses. Then, there are guys like me. Prescription painkillers, right? Ritzy housewife from Back Bay, no way you’re hitting the hard drugs yet—that would imply a real problem. But popping Percocet, oxycodone, pills prescribed by your own doctor, that not’s so bad, right? Meaning you’re going on twenty-four hours without a hit… Bet you’re really tired right now. Just barely hanging on. Like the world is an ocean dragging you under. You know you need to pull it together, focus for the sake of your family, but of course you can’t. You’re suffering from depression, abdominal cramping, agitation, constipation and nausea. Oh yeah, and now a knock on the head. But other than that, sure, you got your shit together.”

I didn’t answer.

He spread his hands. “Might as well tell me everything. Just you and me here, and at the rate you’re going, we’re going to have a lot of quality time together. More you tell me, more I can maybe help. ’Cause you’re kind of useless right now. FYI.”

“Water,” I said.

He crossed to the sink and poured a little in a plastic cup. I used the first sip to rinse my mouth, then spit in the puke pouch.

I thought Radar looked like his TV namesake—too young to sound so old. Too fresh-faced to appear so cynical. But then I thought of Z and I thought of Mick and I wondered how innocent he could really be while hanging with the likes of them.

“Ten,” I said. “I try to limit myself to ten a day.” Or fifteen.

“Oxycodone or Percocet?”

“Hydrocodone. It’s for my neck.” I said the words straight-faced. He didn’t correct me.

“Dosage?”

“Ten milligrams.”

“That’s the opiate dosage. So you’re taking at least another five hundred milligrams of acetaminophen per pill. Times ten… How long?”

“Couple months.”

“Stomach bleeding?”

“It hurts.”

“When you drink alcohol?”

“Hurts more.”

Radar looked at me. “So you take another pill.”

“If I could just…my purse.”

Radar shook his head at me. “You live in that house. You got a husband, a pretty daughter. Seriously, what the hell are you escaping from? Maybe you need to spend more time in the slums. Or, hell, military barracks. That’ll teach you a thing or two.”

He got up. Left the room. Probably had to check the X-rays, or maybe I disgusted him that much. I didn’t bother to correct him, to tell him I had once lived on the other side of the tracks, and, yes, I understood the advantages of my new and improved station in life.

Maybe I was a romantic, however. I’d never wanted the big house, the Back Bay address. I’d just wanted my husband.

Except that wasn’t entirely the truth, either. From the moment I’d taken that first pill…

Once upon a time, I’d lost my father. And then, still too soon, I’d lost my mother. And I had borne it, I’d been strong. Until That Day, realizing I was going to lose my husband, hearing him whisper the truth about his affair with another woman, realizing that this family, too, was doomed to self-destruct…

It turned out, a giant well of emptiness had always existed inside me. A void so deep and black and ugly, I wasn’t just empty, I was hollowed out by the losses in my life. Until there were days I didn’t dare go outside because I worried the wind would blow me away.

The pills became my anchor. And sometimes, knowing something isn’t right still doesn’t change anything. You are who you are. You need what you need. You do what you do.

I wondered if Justin told himself the same when he was having sex with that girl. I wondered if afterward, he felt as guilty as I did, while still knowing he was going to do it again. And again. And again.

I had thought love would make us better people. I was mistaken.

Now I curled up in a ball, trying to ease the cramps in my stomach, while closing my eyes against the ache in my head.

Door opened. I didn’t open my eyes, just waited for Radar to make his pronouncement. Would the patient live or die?

Instead, a hoarse voice whispered in my ear, “I’m gonna kill you, pretty white bitch. But first, I’m totally gonna fuck your daughter. You can hide down here as long as you want. I got time. I got patience. I got a whole prison, with three hundred and forty-two places where I can jump out and yell boo!”

I didn’t move. Just lay there, as if I were sleeping. Mick departed. Radar reentered. Informed me I had a concussion. Told me I needed to rest, drink more fluids and bone up on omega-3s, building blocks of the brain. He handed me two fish oil capsules, then said he would return me to my family, who would monitor me overnight.

I said nothing, just accepted the gel capsules, then the support of his arm, as we made our way slowly down the corridor. I could tell from the smell when we neared the kitchen.

What had Radar said? The first rule of thumb…tend to your health.

“Could I eat a little dinner?”

Radar eyed me dubiously.

“Maybe plain pasta. Something simple.”

He shrugged, as if to say it would be my problem later.

I accepted that. A lot of things, it seemed, would be my problem later. But now I had to pull it together. Find some way to get myself to stop drowning and start swimming, to think of my husband and daughter and put their safety first.

Justin had sworn to protect Ashlyn and me. But I already doubted he could take on a professionally trained psycho like Mick all alone. We needed to come together, him, me and Ashlyn. Hate a little less. Love a little more.

Once upon a time, inside one of the most luxurious town houses in Boston, our family had fallen apart. Now, inside these harsh cinder-block prison walls, we needed to find ourselves again.

Because Mick didn’t strike me as the kind of killer who made idle threats. And trapped inside this prison, it’s not like we could get away. He was the predator. We were the prey. And there was no place left for any of us to run.