Molly Fitz: Raccoon Racketeer

“Huh? What?” He popped his head over the cardboard flap with a sheepish grin. One of Nan’s silk patterned scarves had been tied over his ears, and several pieces of costume jewelry lay against his furry chest. “Oh, nothing about the case. Just a small part of my P.I. fee.”

Octo-Cat sighed heavily but remained blessedly quiet.

“No, no more stealing,” I hissed, feeling a bit like an animal myself. The more human they became, the less like a person I felt myself. “Put it all back.”

“You’re no fun. You know that?” The dejected raccoon at least followed orders without arguing my instructions any further. He made sad, disparaging noises as he removed each piece of glittering finery.

“Okay, well. That didn’t exactly help anything,” I said once I was sure every last item had been returned to the boxes from which they came.

We each exited through the floor hatch and stood together in the guest room discussing next steps.

“What about Nan’s room?” Octo-Cat suggested. “Should we search there?”

Pringle clapped and did a happy little jump. “Oh, yes, yes, yes. Let’s do that!”

Normally, I’d hate to invade my nan’s privacy, but desperate times and all that… and I was very, very desperate to finally learn the truth that had eluded me since long before I’d even been born. “Let’s give it a try,” I acquiesced.

We marched in a single-file line down the hall toward Nan’s bedroom, but when I reached the door, it was still locked up tight.

“Want me to break in?” Pringle offered, making grippy-grabby gestures with his hands. I wondered, not for the first time, whether I’d be able to find a vet to prescribe my raccoon neighbor a daily dose of Ritalin for his obvious ADHD. Mmm, probably not.

“I shouldn’t have any problem jimmying the lock on the window,” he continued, bouncing on all four legs now.

“No,” I said, feeling both guilty and disappointed in equal measures. “Nan will be back eventually. Let me try to talk to her first. Maybe she’s had enough time to cool down. Maybe tonight she’ll be ready to talk.”

“Hey, now wait just a minute here!” Pringle cried in distress. “Even if that happens, you still owe me my payment. Remember, I’m a legitimate business animal now, and we made an unbreakable deal when you hired me earlier today.”

“That’s it. I’ve had enough,” Octo-Cat said, heading upstairs toward our tower bedroom, and I had to agree with him there. So much time in the raccoon’s company had me feeling like I’d just run three marathons back-to-back… but with my patience instead of my muscles.

“I’ll come get you when we’re ready for the next steps,” I told him as I guided him back outside. As soon as he exited the house, I shut the door tight and took a deep breath.

Oh, Nan. Please put me out of my misery. All you need to do is talk to me, and we can put an end to all of this.

Chapter Thirteen

Despite many fervent prayers sent Heavenward, Nan didn’t talk to me that night. In fact, she didn’t even come back home. How do I know? Because I set up camp in the living room and waited all night, that’s how.

Of course, now I only had more questions than before.

Was she out doing damage control or simply hiding from me to avoid a confrontation? And where had she even gone?

Desperate for answers, I called my mom the next morning.

“Angie, good morning! It’s so good to hear from you!” my mom chirped in such a delighted tone that I instantly knew Nan hadn’t turned up at her place.

I had a choice to make then. I could tell her everything and invite her to help, or I could stay silent.

Even though our relationship had become closer ever since I let her in on my secret ability to communicate with animals, I worried about what this new revelation would do to our relationship. Either she’d known all this time and had also chosen to keep the truth of our lineage hidden from me, or she had no idea and would be shattered by the news.

Frankly, I didn’t like either option.

“Hi, Mom,” I said, my mind made up. “Just calling to say hi on my way to the electronics store. Need anything while I’m out?”

“Oh, that’s so nice of you to offer, but your father and I are fine.” She sounded so happy. I really need to call her more, to invite her over here or swing by her place.

I smiled, hoping she’d be able to hear it in my voice. “Okay, just wanted to be sure. Love you, Mom.”

“I love you, too, baby.”

We hung up and I squeezed the phone in my hand, drawing strength from its warmth. I needed to learn whatever truth Nan was hiding. I owed it to not just myself, but my mom, too.

“What happens next?” Octo-Cat wanted to know then.

“Stay here and keep an eye out for Nan,” I told him, even more determined than before to get to the bottom of this—and fast. “I need to pick up some equipment.”

“Does this mean…?” His eyes grew large as his words trailed away.

“We’re breaking into that room,” I confirmed. “At least you and Pringle are.”

“Well, you know what they say. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” He crossed his paws daintily, then nodded toward the remote. “Turn the tube on for me, will you?”

I grabbed the remote as requested, but didn’t turn on the TV just yet.

“Let’s get on with it, please, Angela,” my cat groaned.

“One thing first.” I took a deep breath to steady myself, knowing he wouldn’t like what I said next. “I need you to understand that I will not be buying Apple products for our mission today.”

He jumped up onto all four feet, his fur puffed in distress. “What? Why?”

Yes, my cat was a major brand loyalist—Apple, Evian, Fancy Feast, Lenox—the guy had standards and stuck to them.

“Sometimes they don’t have what we need,” I explained gently. “But don’t worry. Pringle’s the one who will be using the new stuff. You don’t have to.”

He sighed and settled back into a comfortable position. “Then it’s all for the best. That raccoon doesn’t deserve i-Anything.”

This made me laugh. Crisis averted. “Right!”

“Now would you, please, turn on the television?” he asked with an irritated flick of his tail.

“Sure, yeah.” I clicked the TV on to the movie channel and their current broadcast of When Harry Met Sally, then blew him a quick kiss before heading toward the door. “I’ll be back.”

“Hasta la vista, baby.” He dropped his voice so it became deep, but nowhere deep enough to deliver that famous quote properly. Luckily, I was able to keep my giggles inside until I’d slammed the car door behind me and began the trek to the big box electronics store.

Last time I’d stopped by had been to buy a GPS pet tracker for our squirrel friend Maple. I’d come one time before as well; it had been to buy an Apple Watch for Octo-Cat, although for the life of me I couldn’t remember why I needed one or what ever happened to it. I knew Maple’s GPS had ended up buried somewhere in the forest, like one of the manic squirrel’s nuts or half-eaten jars of peanut butter. And, yes, I was her supplier against my better judgement.

“Hey, I know you!” A pimply faced employee with curly hair and a brightly colored polo shirt approached while laughing. He was the same one who’d helped me the first time I came in looking to equip the animals with their own spy tech.

“How did your cat like his Apple Watch?” He made air quotes around Apple since I’d actually bought an off-brand product and stuck the preferred logo over top. Shoot. Sometimes I was way too free with information about my crazy life.

“It was great. Thanks.” I’d been lucky enough not to run into him on my second visit, which meant I’d gotten in and out of there in mere minutes. It seemed today I wouldn’t be quite so lucky.