Bret Ellis - Less than zero

I'm sitting in Du-par's in Studio City, waiting for Blair and Alana and Kim. They had called me and asked me to go to a movie with them, but I'd taken some Valium and had fallen asleep earlier that afternoon, and I couldn't get ready in time to meet them at the movie. So I told them I'd meet them at Du-par's. I'm sitting at a booth near a large window, and I ask the waitress for a cup of coffee, but she doesn't bring me anything, and she's already started to wipe the table next to mine and taken another table's order. But it's just as well that she doesn't bring me anything since my hands are shaking pretty badly. I light a cigarette and notice the big Christmas display above the main counter. A plastic, neon-lit Santa Claus is holding a three-foot-long Styrofoam candy cane and there are all these large green and red boxes leaning against it and I wonder if there's anything in the boxes. Eyes suddenly focus in on the eyes of a small, dark, intense-looking guy wearing a Universal Studios T-shirt sitting two booths across from me. He's staring at me and I look down and take a drag, a deep one, off the cigarette. The man keeps staring at me and all I can think is either he doesn't see me or I'm not here. I don't know why I think that. People are afraid to merge. Wonder if he's for sale.

Blair suddenly kisses me on the cheek and sits down along with Alana and Kim. Blair tells me that Muriel was hospitalized for anorexia today. "She passed out in film class. So they took her to Cedars-Sinai which is not exactly the closest hospital to U.S.C.," Blair says in a rush, lighting a cigarette. Kim is wearing pink sunglasses and she also lights one and then Alana asks for one.

"You are coming to Kim's party, Clay; Aren't you?" Alana asks.

"Oh yes, Clay. You've totally got to," Kim says.

"When is it?" I ask, knowing that Kim always throws these parties, once a week or something like that.

"Sometime near the end of next week," she tells me, though I realize that probably means tomorrow.

"I don't know who to go with," Alana says suddenly. "Oh, God, I don't know who the fuck to go with." She pauses. "I just realized that."

"What about Cliff? Weren't you going with Cliff?" asks Blair.

"I'm going with Cliff," Kim says, looking at Blair.

"Oh, that's right," Blair says.

"Well, if you're going with Cliff, I'll go with Warren," Alana says.

"But I thought you were going out with Warren," Kim says to Blair.

I glance over at Blair.

"I was, but I'm not 'going-out' with Warren," Blair says, missing a beat.

"You were not. You fucked. You didn't 'go-out,' " Alana says.

"Whatever, whatever," Blair says, flipping through her menu, glancing over at me, then away.

"Did you sleep with Warren?" Kim asks Alana.

Alana looks at Blair and then at Kim and then at me and says, "No. I didn't." She looks back at Blair and then at Kim again. "Did you?"

`'No, but I thought Cliff was sleeping with Warren," Kim says, confused for a moment.

"That might be true, but I thought Cliff was sleeping with that creepy Valley-turned-Punk, Didi Hellman," says Blair.

"Oh, that is not true. Who told you that?" Alana wants to know.

I realize for an instant that I might have slept with Didi Hellman. I also realize that I might have slept with Warren also. I don't say anything. They probably already know.

"Didi did," says Blair. "Didn't she tell you that?"

"No," Kim says. "She didn't."

"Me either," Alana says.

"Well, she told me," Blair says.

"Oh, what does she know? She lives in Calabasas for God's sakes," Alana moans.

Blair thinks about it for a moment and then says slowly, evenly, "If Cliff slept with Didi, then he must have slept with... Raoul."

"Who's Raoul?" Alana and Kim ask at the same time.

I open my menu and pretend to read it, wondering if I slept with Raoul. Name seems familiar.

"Didi's other boyfriend. She was always getting into these disgusting threesomes. They were ridiculous," Blair says, closing her menu.

"Didi is ridiculous," says Alana.

"Raoul is black, isn't he?" Kim asks after a while.

I haven't slept with Raoul.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because I think I met him at a backstage party at The Roxy once."

"I thought he O.D.'d."

"No, no. He's really cute. He's like the best-looking black-guy I think I've ever seen," Blair says.

Alana and Kim nod in agreement. I close my menu.

"But isn't he gay though?" Kim asks, looking concerned.

"Who? Cliff?" Blair asks.

"No. Raoul."

"He's bi. Bi," Blair says, and then, not too sure, "I think."

"I don't think he ever slept with Didi," says Alana.

"Well, I really don't either," Blair says.

"Then why did she go out with him?"

"She thought it was chic to have a black boyfriend," Blair says, by now bored with the subject

"What a sleaze," Alana says, shivering in mock disgust.

The three of them stop talking and then Kim says, "I had no idea Cliff slept with Raoul."

"Cliff has slept with everyone," Alana says, and rolls her eyes up, and Kim and Blair laugh. Blair looks at me and I try to smile and then the waitress comes and takes our order.

As I predicted, Kim's party is tonight. I follow Trent to the party. Trent's wearing a tie when he comes to my house and he tells me to wear one and so I put a red one on. When we stop at Santo Pietro's to get something to eat before the party, Trent catches his reflection in one of the windows and grimaces and takes his tie off and tells me to take mine off, which is just as well since no one at the party is wearing one.

At the house in Holmby Hills I talk to a lot of people who tell me about shopping for suits at Fred Segal and buying tickets for concerts and I hear Trent telling everyone about how much fun he's having at the fraternity he joined at U.C.L.A. I also talk to Pierce, some friend from high school, and apologize for not calling him when I got in and he tells me that it doesn't matter and that I look pale and that someone stole the new BMW his father bought him as a graduation present. Julian is at the party and he doesn't look as fucked up as Alana said: still tan, hair still blond and short, maybe a little too thin, but otherwise looks good. Julian tells Trent that he's sorry he missed him at Carney's the other night and that he's been really busy and I'm standing next to Trent, who has just finished his third gin and tonic, and hear him say, "That's just really fucking irresponsible of you," and I turn away, wondering if I should ask Julian what he wanted when he called and left the message, but when our eyes meet and we're about to say hello, he looks away and walks into the living room. Blair dances over to me, singing the words to "Do You Really Want to Hurt Me?" probably stoned out of her mind, and she says that I look happy and that I look good and she hands me a box from Jerry Magnin and whispers "Merry Christmas, you fox," in my ear, and kisses me.

1 open the box. It's a scarf. I thank her and tell her that it's really nice. She tells me to put it on and see if it fits and I tell her that scarves usually fit all people. But she insists and I put the scarf on and she smiles and murmurs "Perfect" and goes back to the bar to get a drink. I stand alone with the scarf wrapped around my neck in the corner of the living room and then spot Rip, my dealer, and am totally relieved.

Rip's wearing this thick, bulky white outfit he probably bought at Parachute, and an expensive black fedora, and Trent asks Rip, as he makes his way toward me, if he's been going parachuting. "Going Parachuting? Get it?" Trent says, giggling. Rip just stares at Trent until Trent stops giggling. Julian comes back into the room and I'm about to go over and say hello, but Rip grabs the scarf around my neck and pulls me into an empty room. I notice that there's no furniture in the room and begin to wonder why; then Rip hits me lightly on the shoulder and laughs.