Bret Ellis - Less than zero

"Stop it."

"Your expensive shrink?"

"Stop it, Finn."

"Who? Do you have any friends left? What the fuck are you gonna do? Just leave?"

"Stop it," Julian screams.

"You come to me a year ago with a huge debt to some dealers and I give you a job and show you off and take you around and I give you all these clothes and all the fuckin' coke you could snort, and what do you do in return?"

"I know. Shut up," Julian screams, choking, covering his head with his hands.

"You act like an arrogant, selfish, ungrateful—"

"Fuck off, you—"

"—little prick."

"—asshole pimp."

"Don't you appreciate what I've done for you?" Finn pushes Julian harder against the door. "Huh? Don't you?"

"Stop it, you asshole pimp."

"Don't you? Answer me. Don't you?"

"Done for me? You've turned me into a whore." Julian's face is all red and his eyes are wet and I'm freaking out, just trying to stare at the floor whenever Julian or Finn looks over at me.

"No. I haven't done that, man," Finn says quietly.

"What?"

"I didn't turn you into a whore. You did it yourself."

The music's pumping through the walls and I can actually feel it vibrate against my back, almost through me, and Julian's still looking down and he tries to move or turn away but Finn holds his shoulders back and Julian starts to laugh-cry softly and he tells Finn that he's sorry.

"I can't do it anymore.... Please, Finn ..."

"Sorry, babe, I just can't let you go that easily."

Julian slowly falls to the floor in a sitting position.

Finn has taken out a syringe and a spoon and a book of matches from Le Dome.

"What are you doing?" Julian sniffs.

"My best boy has got to cool down tonight."

"Finn... But I'm leaving." Julian starts to laugh. "I really am. I've paid my fucking debt. No more. This is it."

But Finn isn't listening and he squats down and grabs Julian's arm and pushes back the jacket sleeve and the shirt and he takes off his own belt and ties it around the arm and slaps at his arm to find a vein and gets one after a while and while he's heating up something in the deep, silver spoon all Julian keeps saying is "Finn. Don't." Finn jabs the needle into Julian's arm and jiggles it.

"What are you gonna do? You have nowhere to go. You going to tell everyone? That you whored yourself to pay off a drug debt? Man, you are more naive than I thought. But come on, baby, you'll feel better."

Disappear Here.

The syringe fills with blood.

You're a beautiful boy and that's all that matters.

Wonder if he's for sale.

People are afraid to merge. To merge.

Finn finally leads Julian out of the bathroom and I follow them and Finn begins to lead Julian up the stairs and, as the two of them make their way up the long staircase, I can see that there's a door open just a crack at the top of the stairs and the music stops for a minute and I can hear low moans coming from the room, and as Finn leads Julian into the room, a scream suddenly bursts out, and Julian disappears with Finn and the door slams shut. I turn away and leave the house.

After I leave the party, I head for The Roxy, where X is playing. It's almost midnight and The Roxy is crowded and I find Trent standing near the entrance and he asks me where I've been and I don't say anything and then he hands me a drink. It's hot in the club and I hold the drink up to my forehead, my face. Trent mentions that Rip's here and I walk with Trent over to where Rip is, and Trent tells me that they're going to be singing "Sex and Dying in High Society" any minute now and I say "That's great." Rip's wearing black 501's and a white X T-shirt and Spin's wearing a T-shirt that reads: "Gumby. Pokey. The Blockheads" and black 501's also. Rip comes up to me and the first thing he says is, "There are too many fucking Mexicans here, dude."

Spin snorts and says, "Let's kill 'em all."

Trent must think that this is a pretty good idea because he laughs and nods.

Rip glances at me and says, "Jesus, dude. You look real bad. What's wrong? Want some coke?"

I manage to actually shake my head and finish Trent's drink.

A dark boy with a thin mustache and an "Under The Big Black Sun" T-shirt bumps into me and Rip grabs his shoulders and pushes him back into the dancing crowd and shouts "Fuckin' Spic!"

Spin's talking to somebody named Ross, and Spin turns to Rip after Rip's turned away from the stage.

"Listen, Ross has found something in the alley behind Flip."

"What?" Rip shouts, interested.

"A body."

"You kidding me?"

Ross shakes his head nervously, smiling.

"This, I've got to see." Rip grins. "Come on, Clay."

"No," I say. "I don't think so I want to see the show."

"Come on. I want to show you something at my place anyway."

Trent and I follow Rip and Spin to Rip's car and Rip tells us to meet them in back of Flip. Trent and I drive down Melrose and Flip is all lit up and closed and we all make a left and then park behind the building in the deserted lot in back. Ross gets out of his VW Rabbit and motions for Rip and Spin and me and Trent to follow him to the alley behind the empty store.

"I hope nobody told the police," Ross mutters.

"Who else knows about this?" Rip asks.

"Some friends of mine. They found him this afternoon."

Two girls come out of the darkness of the alleys giggling and holding onto each other. One says, "Jesus, Ross, who is that guy?"

"I don't know, Alicia."

"What happened to him?"

"O.D.'d, I guess."

"Have you called the police?"

"What for?"

One of the girls says, "We gotta bring Marcia. She'll freak out."

"Have you girls seen Mimi?" Ross asks.

"She was over here with Derf and they left. We're gonna see X over at The Roxy."

"We were just there."

"Oh, how are they?"

"Okay. They didn't sing 'Adult Books' though."

"They didn't?"

"Nope."

"Oh, they never do."

"I know."

"Bummer."

The girls leave, talking about Billy Zoom, and Rip and Spin and Trent and I follow Ross deeper into the alley.

He's lying against the back wall, propped up. The face is bloated and pale and the eyes are shut, mouth open and the face belongs to some young, eighteen-, nineteen-year-old boy, dried blood, crusted, above the upper lip.

"Jesus," Rip says.

Spin's eyes are wide.

Trent just stands there and says something like "Wild."

Rip jabs the boy in the stomach with his foot.

"Sure he's dead?"

"See him moving?" Ross giggles.

"Christ, man. Where did you find this?" Spin asks.

"Word gets around."

I cannot take my eyes off the dead boy. There are moths flying above his head, twirling around the light bulb that hangs over him, illuminating the scene. Spin kneels down and looks into the boy's face and studies it earnestly. Trent starts to laugh and lights up a joint. Ross is leaning against a wall, smoking, and he offers me a cigarette. I shake my head and light my own, but my hand's shaking badly and I drop it.

"Look at that, no socks," Trent mutters.

We stand there for a while longer. A wind comes through the alley. Sounds of traffic can be heard coming from Melrose.

"Wait a minute," Spin says. "I think I know this guy."

"Bullshit," Rip laughs.

"Man, you are so sick," Trent says, handing me the joint.

I take a drag and hand it back to Trent and wonder about what would happen if the boy's eyes were to open.

"Let's get out of here," Ross says.

"Wait." Rip motions for him to stay and then sticks a cigarette in the boy's mouth. We stand there for five more minutes. Then Spin stands up and shakes his head, scratches at Gumby, and says, "Man, I need a cigarette."

Rip gets up and holds onto my arm and says to me and Trent, "Listen, you two, you've gotta come over to my place."