Mike Mullane - Riding Rockets

Gradually the celebration dissolved and Donna and I drove home with the kids to get on with the rest of our lives. That night, as we lay in bed, I joked with Donna about the flight surgeon’s warning to purge my sperm.

She laughed. “That’s so romantic, Mike.”

“But the doc says it’s mutant, radioactive!” The doctors were serious about such purges for men still in the procreating mode, the fear being that some of our swimmers could have been damaged by space radiation. In one of the Monday meetings, after hearing the warning repeated, one TFNG had shouted, “Give me a break. I’m purging as fast as I can!” Our baby-making days were over, so Donna knew the flight surgeon’s comment didn’t apply to me. Nevertheless, we followed the doctor’s orders, celebrating as lovers do.

Afterward, we held each other and I was finally calm enough to describe some of the things I had seen. I told her of sunrises and sunsets that would make every future Earth rainbow I ever witnessed a disappointment. I told her of oceans that seemed infinite, of lightning and shooting stars, of a blue-and-white planet set in abysmal black. And I told her I wanted to do it all over again. There were other TFNGs already in line for a second flight. Some were doing spacewalks. Some were operating the robot arm. Some were flying high-inclination orbits where they would get to see all of the United States and most of the inhabited earth. Vandenberg AFB in California was being modified to launch shuttles into polar orbits. Some lucky TFNGs would be on those flights. My just completed mission of whirring around the Earth in a near equatorial orbit and throwing a few toggle switches to release a couple communication satellites seemed ho-hum compared with what was on the horizon. I was discovering what every other TFNG was learning: There were gradations in the title “astronaut” and we all wanted to be on top of the scale. As neophytes we had seen a flight into space, any flight into space, as total fulfillment of our life quests. But as we moved into the ranks of veterans, our hypercompetitive personalities created a TFNG hierarchy. For pilots, the command of a rendezvous mission was the most desired prize. For MSes, the A-list astronauts were those who flew the Manned Maneuvering Unit (MMU) on tetherless spacewalks. Very close behind were MSes who did traditional tethered spacewalks. The next tier down were MSes who used the robot arm to grab free-flying satellites. At the bottom of the pile were those sorry souls doing actual science in the bowels of a Spacelab. While many of the scientist MSes really enjoyed Spacelab, most of the military MSes wanted nothing to do with it. Piloting an MMU or operating a robot arm had a lot more sex appeal and generated a lot more personal fulfillment than watching a volt meter on some university professor’s experiment. The Untouchables of our strange caste system were those MSes engaged in the Spacelab missions dedicated to life sciences. They collected blood and urine and butchered mice and changed shit filters for primates (and I don’t mean the marines). I lit candles at Donna’s home shrine to carry my prayer to heaven that I would never be assigned to a Spacelab mission.

As I recounted for Donna the incredible experience of spaceflight and expressed my intention to do it all over again, I was sure she was disappointed. I was sure she would have much preferred a “rest of our lives” scenario that had me returning to the air force for a staff position somewhere in space command that might lead to a star on my shoulders. I was sure her preferred scenario did not include the selection of another potential escort into widowhood, another good-bye walk on the beach house sands, and another T-9 minute vigil on the roof of the LCC. But she would have died before she would have ever put her feelings first—it was the Catholic in her. In her high school marriage course lesson plan is this statement: “The happiness of the woman is found in dependence on her husband. She’s happiest when she is making others happy. Selfishness is the greatest curse to a woman’s nature.” Through her childhood the nuns had browbeaten her to believe that her feelings didn’t count, that her lot was to mourn and weep in the “vale of tears” called life. Personal happiness? Fuhgeddaboutit. Her existence was to be one of sacrifice; sacrifice for her husband and sacrifice for her children. Her reward would come in the next life. No, Donna would never ask me to leave NASA. Her Catholicism had given me a free pass to pursue my own fulfillment.

Before we had even gotten our Earth legs back the Zoo Crew was in the JSC photo lab editing our mission videos and compiling a movie to take on the road to show the world. No longer would I have to interpret what others had done before me. I had loathed that ritual—going to the luncheons of America and prefacing my comments with, “I haven’t flown in space yet, but those who have say…” It was like a minor league baseball player getting onstage and saying, “I’ve never played in the Show, but those who have say….” Now I had my own space story and movie to support it.

In the rented ballroom of a local country club, a few weeks after our landing, Mike, Judy, Steve, and I climbed onstage to accept the coin of the realm from Hank—a gold astronaut pin. None of us cared that we had previously handed over a check for $400 to pay for the pins.

We began our postflight appearances. One of my first was to Albuquerque, where I was given the keys to the city. My flight had not conferred any celebrity. There were no cheering throngs at city hall, just the mayor’s staff, my mom and dad, and a handful of other family and friends. But at least I was introduced by my own name. I had attended an earlier event where Steve Hawley had been introduced by the NASA administrator as “Sally Ride’s husband.” Talk about living in a cold shadow. Hawley’s marriage to Sally had put him on the far side of the moon. When officials in his hometown of Salina, Kansas, told Steve they were putting a sign on a nearby highway proclaiming his astronaut status, Steve had joked with us, “It’ll probably say, ‘Hometown-in-law of Sally Ride.’” Judy, too, had to walk in Sally’s shadow. At several appearances she was referred to as Sally Ride. So I was happy to be “Mike Mullane” at my Albuquerque homecoming instead of “an astronaut who flew in space with the husband of Sally Ride.”

It was a few hours after the Albuquerque ceremony that my grandmother, who had flown from her Texas home to participate in the festivities, died quietly while napping at my parents’ house. Margaret Pettigrew had been born on a Minnesota farm in 1897, six years before the Wright brothers had flown an airplane. In her early childhood, the horse had been the primary mode of transportation. At age eighty-seven she had stood on a Florida beach and watched her grandson ride a rocket into space. Incredible.

Accompanied by our wives, NASA flew us to Washington, D.C., for a glad-handing event with members of Congress. Our crew assembled in a reception line while congressmen and senators passed by, shaking our hands and offering their congratulations. I wondered if Ted Kennedy would appear. If he did, I was certain Hank would blow a brain vein, but the senator from Massachusetts was a no-show.

The reception provided another opportunity for me to observe the pull of Judy’s flight-suited beauty. It was Jovian. During a break in the greetings Steve whispered in my ear, “Watch their eyes as they shake my hand.” I was confused by his comment, but only until the next senator passed. As the politician pumped Steve’s hand, his head was turned and he was smiling directly at Judy. Steve was invisible. I watched several times and every man did the same thing; focused on Judy while handshaking with Steve. Steve could have greeted each of them with “Kiss my ass, Senator,” and they would not have heard. They had come into the gravitational pull of Judy’s beauty and were deaf and blind to the males next to her. Judy handled it with her usual aplomb, being equally gracious to the old lechers as well as the young ones. Of course, every politician wanted a photo next to her. I watched as one deftly folded his cigarette and highball behind his palms and out of view while the photographer snapped a shot. As quick as the flash faded, the cigarette and drink reappeared. He could have gotten a job as a Vegas illusionist.