Meg Cabot - Boy Meets Girl

XXXOOO

Dolly

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: Tonight

Listen, DON’T GET UPSET, but Dolly Vargas has invited me to stay at her place for a few days, and I think I’m going to take her up on it. You and Craig deserve a break from houseguests. I mean, from what I saw in the kitchen the other day, you guys really need some privacy. . . .

I’ll come home with you to pick up my stuff, then be out of your hair by 9, I SWEAR.

Kate

To: Kate Mackenzie

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Tonight

Are you INSANE? You’re moving in with DOLLY VARGAS???? Jesus, Kate, I know our couch isn’t all that comfortable, but aren’t you going a bit overboard? I mean, the woman was wearing a MINK VEST the other day. INDOORS.

I can understand your being tired of all the Ramen and wanting some lobster bisque, but really, Kate. Do you honestly think she’s going to let you sit through an entire episode of Charmed without asking you a half million times if she looks fat in whatever new outfit she’s planning on wearing to whatever fabulous party she’s attending that night?

At least I let you get your daily dose of Alyssa Milano without interruption.

Come on. Stay. I know East End is tempting, but really, everybody here on West 83rd loves you, too.

J

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Kate Mackenzie

Re: Nice Try

Come on. You know having me constantly underfoot is putting this total crimp in your baby-making. And I am perfectly aware of the fact that it’s NCAA championship time, and that all Craig wants is his couch back.

Besides, maybe if I’m not there, Dale will stop, you know, terrorizing every delivery man who walks into your vestibule. And Dolly’s got a doorman, so even if Dale finds out where I’m staying, it’s not like he’s going to be able to get into the building.

Really, Jen, it’s just better for everybody, all around.

Well, except maybe for Dolly.

Is the T.O.D. still crying? Has anybody figured out what Mitch said to her?

Kate

To: Craig Sadler

Fr: Jen Sadler

Re: Tonight

Oh my God, you have got to do something!!!! Kate is threatening to move out! She’s throwing herself on the mercy of the paper’s Style Editor, Dolly Vargas. Dolly Vargas, who is sleeping with the founder and CEO of the paper I work for. While I’d like to think she’s moving in with Dolly in order to subtly hint to Hargrave that he should hire back Ida Lopez and can the T.O.D., I can’t help feeling she’s doing it because our couch sucks so much.

E-mail her and tell her she’s NOT getting in the way and that you want her to stay.

PLEASE?

J

To: Jen Sadler

Fr: Craig Sadler

Re: Kate

Um, why would I want to do that? Convince Kate to stay, I mean? Don’t get me wrong, I like Kate—of all your freaky friends, she is the ONLY one I could stand sleeping on my couch for the past four weeks.

But, Jen. It’s been a month. I know Kate doesn’t have much money and the NYC real estate scene is crazy. I am not blaming Kate AT ALL for not having been able to find a decent place to live. But I would really, really, really, really like to have my couch back.

And our privacy.

Come on, Jen. We’re trying to make a baby here.

And frankly, this stuff with Dale? Getting REAL old, Jen. I mean, I had limited patience with him back in school, when he was always leaving those pizza boxes lying around and scratching his balls in front of everyone—like because the guy’s a musician, he has some right not to act like a civilized human being.

The constant phone calls, notes slid under our door, harassment of our neighbors until they buzz him in, and, though you and Kate were at the movies at the time, his singing “Ice Weasels Gnaw My Brain” from the street at the top of his lungs? Not cute, gifted musician or no.

Let her go. Maybe she’ll be able to convince this Hargrave guy to give YOU the T.O.D.’s job. Kate can be very persuasive, when she pulls that corn-fed Kentucky farmgirl thing.

Kate moving out is a GOOD thing, Jenny. Remember that. It’s a GOOD thing.

Craig

From the Desk of

Kate Mackenzie

Hi, Amy. Your phone seems to be on send all calls. Tried knocking, but you didn’t answer. Just wanted to let you know that I met with Dolly Vargas re: the Hector Montaya thing, and she’s agreed to go through the sexual harassment workshop one more time. Hopefully third time will be the charm, and it will stick!

Hope you have a good weekend, and see you on Monday. And I’m so sorry, again, for what happened in the lobby this afternoon. I promise it won’t happen again. At least, I don’t think it will. Well, I hope it won’t.

Kate

Kathleen A. Mackenzie

Personnel Representative, LZ

Human Resources

The New York Journal

216 W. 57th Street

New York, NY 10019

212-555-6891

kathleen.mackenzie@thenyjournal.com

To: Mitch Hertzog

Fr: Dolly Vargas

Re: Kate

Well, darling, it’s all settled. She’s coming over tonight. I feel positively giddy with self-congratulation at how easily I managed it. The girl is simply desperate for 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep.

I guess a month in someone’s living room can do that to a person.

So tell me the truth—you owe me that much, because you know it isn’t every day I open my doors to a human resources representative, even if she is a perfect treasure, with her “you all’s” and “fixin’ some suppers”—are you in love with her? Because I understand you only just met her, so maybe things are moving a little fast, even for me.

On the other hand, I perfectly understand the attraction. There’s nothing a big hulking man like you finds harder to resist than little damsels in distress like our own Mayberry miss. Speaking of hulking . . . You’ve been working out, haven’t you, sweetie? Don’t try denying it. Are you still on that paraplegic basketball team, or whatever it is? The one where you pretend like you’re in a wheelchair and play ball with all of those boys who really are in wheelchairs? Well, let me just say, it’s working, you’ve got some real upper-body definition going on under that Tweety Bird tie or whatever it was you had on. I wish you’d ask Peter to join your little team, or whatever it is. He needs a hobby, poor thing.

And God knows, he could use the workout.

God! This is so FUN! Promise you won’t break her heart, though. Because that would be a real buzz kill. Kind of like when Peter brings his kiddies over.

Oh, God, I’ve got the Prada show. Ciao for now.

XXXOOO

Dolly

To: Dolly Vargas

Fr: Mitch Hertzog

Re: Kate

There is no licentious motive behind my request that you offer Ms. Mackenzie a place to stay. She merely seems like a person who needs a helping hand . . . and whose hands are more competent than yours, Dolly?

Thanks again.

Mitch

To: Mitchell Hertzog

Fr: Stuart Hertzog

Re: Amy

Just what are you trying to do, anyway? You had no right to go to Amy’s office today and attempt to intimidate her like that. She is a sweet young woman, not one of those hardened criminals you’re used to dealing with. She will schedule an appointment with you for pretrial discovery when I say she can . . . and that will be when she is good and ready to, and not before.

And what is this letter you keep going on about? Amy keeps impeccable records, so whatever this letter is you keep nagging her about, I’m certain it’s in that pie lady’s file.

God, you are SUCH an asshole. I really thought Stacy might have been able to get through to you, but I see now that you’re too far gone.

Which is a pity. You had real potential.