Meg Cabot - Princess in Training

And to my VERY great surprise, some of the people in the back of the room started to clap. Really. Like that slow clap they do in the movies, the kind where everybody eventually joins in, until it turns into fast clapping.

Only Mr. Harding nipped it in the bud before it ever turned to fast clapping by going, “All right, all right, that’s enough of that. Turn to page twenty-three and let’s get started.”

Oh, my God. This presidential thing has gotten WAY out of hand.

Syllogism = argument of the form a b (first premise) b c (second premise)

Therefore: a c (conclusion)

WHATEVER. Why did she have to use the one of me with my SCEPTER??? I look like a total freak in that one.

Note to self: Look up “decimate.” Thursday, September 10, English

LILLY!!! WHERE DID YOU GET THOSE POSTERS????

Where do you think I got them? And stop yelling at me!

I’m not yelling. I’m very calmly asking…Did you get those posters from my grandmother?

Yes, of course I did. What do you think, I paid for them myself? Do you have any idea how much full-color posters that size cost? I could have used up the entire annual budget for Lilly Tells It Like It Is on the copy setting alone!

But I thought you hated Grandmère! Why would you do something like that? Like let my grandmother be involved in this?

Because in case you haven’t noticed, this election is important to me, Mia. I REALLY want us to win. We HAVE to win. It’s the only way we’re going to save this school from becoming a completely fascist state under the tyrannical reign of Gutless Gupta.

But, Lilly. I DON’T WANT TO BE STUDENT COUNCIL PRESIDENT.

Don’t worry. You won’t be.

THAT MAKES NO SENSE! I mean, Lilly, I know everyone just assumed Lana is going to win because she wins everything, but things are getting really weird. In Geometry today, I said something about those cameras outside being a violation of our right to privacy, and someone started CLAPPING for me.

It’s happening. Just like I KNEW it would!

What’s happening?????

Never mind. Just keep doing what you’re doing. It’s great. It’s so NATURAL. I could never be that natural.

BUT I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING!

That’s what’s so great about it. Now come on, pay attention to this. You need to know this stuff, if you’re going to be a writer, and all.

Lilly. Is there going to be a debate? Because Grandmère said something about a debate.

Shhhh. Pay attention. Hey, what’s going on with my brother, anyway? Are you two really Doing It?

STOP TRYING TO CHANGE THE SUBJECT! IS THERE GOING TO BE A DEBATE?????

LILLY!!!!

LILLY!!!!!!!!!!!! ANSWER ME!!!!!!

I don’t think Lilly’s going to answer you. Is there anything I can do?

Oh. Hi, Tina. No. Just…well, you wouldn’t be willing to get your bodyguard to shoot me, would you? Because I’d really appreciate it.

Um, Wahim’s not allowed too shoot anyone unless they’re trying to kidnap me. You know that.

I know. But I still wish I were dead.

I’m so sorry. The election thing?

That, and Michael, and everything else.

Did you and Michael have that talk like I told you to?

No. When could we have had a talk? I never get to see him anymore because he’s always in class, learning new ways we’re all going to die. And you can’t talk about Doing It—or, in this case, NOT Doing It—over the phone, or IMing. It’s kind of a face-to-face topic.

That’s true. So when are you going to talk about it?

Saturday, I guess. I mean, that’s the earliest we’re going to see each other.

Good! Don’t you love Ms. M in those totally adorable culottes! Who knew culottes could even BE adorable?

You know, someone could be wearing culottes and still not be…um, right.

What do you mean? Ms. Martinez is ALWAYS right. She loves Jane Austen, doesn’t she?

Um, yes. But maybe not for the same reasons we do.

You mean not because Colin Firth looks so hot every time he dives into that pond on A & E? But what other reason IS there to love Jane Austen?

Never mind. Pretend I didn’t say anything.

Do you think Ms. M knows how in real life Emma Thompson had the guy who played Willoughby’s baby???? Because even though he played a bad guy in Sense and Sensibility, I’m sure he’s really nice in person. And besides, Emma needed to find love after that Kenneth Branagh left her for Helena Bonham-Carter.

Sometimes I wish I could live inside Tina’s head instead of mine. I swear. It must be very restful there. Thursday, September 10, ladies’ room, Albert Einstein High School

How do I always end up here? Writing in my journal in a stall of the ladies’ room, I mean? It is becoming like a ritual or something.

Anyway, it all started innocently enough. We were talking about last night’s episode of The OC when next thing I knew, Tina was going, “Hey, did you tell Lilly yet?”

And Lilly was all, “Tell me what?”

And I totally thought Tina meant the thing about Doing It with Michael and I mouthed, PINKY SWEAR at her until she went, “About your parents going away to Indiana this weekend, I mean,” which I must have mentioned to her in a moment of weakness, although I don’t remember doing so.

Lilly looked at me all excited. “They are? That’s great! We can have another party!”

Hello. You would think Lilly, of ALL people, wouldn’t want to come to another party at my place. Or at least be a little more sensitive about the fact that her ex, who she LOST FOREVER at my last party, was sitting right there.

But she totally didn’t seem to notice or care.

“So, what time can we come over?” she wanted to know.

“Just because my mom and Mr. G are going away does NOT mean I’ll be having a party,” I yelled, all panicky.

“Yeah,” Lilly said, looking thoughtful. “I forgot. You’re heir to the throne of Genovia. It’s not like they’re going to leave you there alone. But that’s okay. We can probably get Lars and Wahim to go off by themselves somewhere—”

“NO,” I said, “that’s not it. I’m not having a party because the last time I had one, it was a total disaster.”

“Yeah,” Lilly said. “But this time, Mr. Gianini won’t be there—”

“NO PARTIES,” I said, in my most princessy voice.

Lilly just sniffed and went, “Just because you got a B on an English paper, don’t take it out on me.”

Oh, okay, Lilly, I won’t. And just because YOUR parents don’t trust you enough to let you stay alone in the house on account of that one time you set off the sprinkler system in the building with your homemade lighter-and-Rave-hairspray flamethrower, don’t take it out on me.

Only, of course, I didn’t say that out loud.

“Wait,” Boris said. “YOU got a B on an English paper, Mia? How is that possible?”

So then I had no choice but to break the news to everyone at the lunch table. You know, about Ms. Martinez being a big huge uber-phony.

They were all shocked, of course.

“But she has such cute clogs!” Tina cried, her heart clearly breaking.

“It just goes to show,” Boris said, “that you can’t tell what’s in someone’s heart by the way he or she dresses.” He shot a very significant look at me while he said this.

But I don’t care. Tucking your sweater into your pants is not a good look for ANYONE.

“She probably means well,” Tina said, since she tries to find the good in everyone.

“There is never any justification for crushing the artistic spirit,” Ling Su said—and, since she can draw better than anyone in our whole school, she would know. “Lots of so-called critics and reviewers meant well when they ravaged the works of the Impressionists in the nineteenth century. But if artists like Renoir and Monet had followed their advice, some of the greatest works of art in the world would never have been created.”