Meg Cabot - Princess Mia

But he’s not Michael.

He’s not Michael.

He’s not Michael.

Oh, here comes the doctor…

Wednesday, September 22, the loft

I’m home….

I don’t even care that I don’t have a TV anymore. It’s just so nice to be in my own bed, where no nitrostarches can explode, and no boys can announce their love for me.

You know, you would think, after everything that happened today, they’d finally let me move to Genovia and be palace-schooled now. For my ownphysical and emotional safety.

But no. Mr. G just informed me Albert Einstein is going to be cleaned up and fully functional tomorrow—including the Chem lab, which has been thoroughly fumigated,and they’ve already replaced the glass that was blown out of the windows (stupid emergency glaziers), and that I’m going to be there, just like everybody else.

Well, except for Kenny, who’s suspended for knowingly creating a secondary explosive in the lab. When I protested that if they were suspending Kenny, they ought to suspend me and J.P. as well, since we’re his lab partners, Mr. G just looked at me and went, “Mia. I’ve been trying to get you caught up in all of your classes this week, remember? Believe me, I know you and J.P. have no clue what you’re doing in that class.”

Which, you know. Harsh. But true, I guess.

So it looks like Kenny’s going to get his fifteen minutes of fame now, as opposed to after he starts working for Michael’s robotic surgical arm company, as he once asked me if I thought he could. What happened today at school is ALL OVER the news and Internet. Reporters are calling Kenny “Beaker” after that mad scientist Muppet character (which is mean, since Kenny really does have quite a lot of upper arm definition these days, and his mouth isn’t a gaping flap—as much as it used to be, anyway), and keep showing a picture of him being led off the ambulance, with his hair in all these crazy puffs on the top of his head.

That, coupled with his singed lab coat and the whole no-eyebrow thing, lent him a not dissimilar appearance to a certain dowager princess—not Muppet—that I know.

The thing’s been aired so many times by now, I’m SURE Michael must have heard about it. Every single article describes J.P. as this huge hero for throwing his body over mine and protecting me from the flames.

And every single article calls him “Princess Mia’s new boyfriend.”

Yeah. Nice.

I was almost afraid to check my e-mail. But I needn’t have worried. Michael didn’t write.

Tina IMed the minute she saw I was online though.

ILUVROMANCE: Oh my God, Mia!!!! Have you seen the news????

FTLOUIE:Seen it? I thought IWAS the news.

ILUVROMANCE: I can’t believe this! Poor Kenny! They suspended him!

FTLOUIE: Well, he DID blow up the Chem lab.

ILUVROMANCE: I know! But he didn’t mean to. You know that. I really hope this won’t go down on his permanent record. It could totally affect his chances of getting into college!

FTLOUIE: I’m sure Kenny will be just fine, Tina. I mean, don’t forget, he DID manage to make a bomb from scratch. I wouldn’t be surprised if he gets hired straight out of high school by the NSA.

ILUVROMANCE: What’s the NSA?

FTLOUIE: It’s—never mind. Listen, did you hear what happened right BEFORE the nitrostarch deflagrated?

ILUVROMANCE: You mean the part where J.P. covered your body with his in order to protect you from the raging fire wall???? Yes!!! It’s so romantic!!!!

FTLOUIE: Uh, there was no raging fire wall. But I mean before THAT, even. Tina—HE TOLD ME HE LOVES ME.

ILUVROMANCE:EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

FTLOUIE: I know. I thought you’d say that.

ILUVROMANCE: I TOLD YOU!!!!!! I TOLD YOU HE LOVES YOU!!!! I KNEW IT!!!! OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS MAKE THE CUTEST COUPLE!!!!!! BECAUSE YOU’RE BOTH SO TALL AND BLOND AND BLUE-EYED!!!!

FTLOUIE: My eyes are gray.

ILUVROMANCE: WHATEVER!!!! Okay, tell me everything. How did he say it? What did you say? How did you feel? Have you kissed yet? Where are you going on your first date? Or—wait. Was going toBeauty and the Beast your first date? Did he tell you WHEN he knew he loved you? It was before he dumped Lilly, right? I KNEW that’s why he ditched her. And now it totally makes sense why she’s so mad at you.

Oh, God!

FTLOUIE: Of COURSE he didn’t know he liked me when he was with Lilly! Do you think I’d even entertain the idea of going out with him if I knew he always liked me and was just using Lilly for—whatever? I mean, what kind of friend would I be if I did that???

ILUVROMANCE: Oh. So you mean…he DIDN’T always love you from the moment you first spoke to him in the caf last year? And that whole thing with Lilly WASN’T just because you were taken, and dating her was a convenient way for J.P. to stay close to you?

FTLOUIE: NO! Oh my God, Tina, are you sure you didn’t inhale any of those fumes that got released this afternoon?

ILUVROMANCE: Pretty sure. Wahim did a good job of hustling me out of there. Well, that IS what Dad pays him for. So, if J.P. DIDN’T love you from the moment you first spoke to him in the caf last year, how long DID he say he’s loved you?

FTLOUIE: He said it’s been coming on fairly slowly recently, and that he kept trying to tell me, but we kept getting interrupted. But that, even though he knew it was going to freak me out, he wanted me to know. And then the Chem lab exploded.

ILUVROMANCE: OH MY GOD!!!!

FTLOUIE: I know. It was kind of scary, actually. At first I thought the boiler room had finally exploded. You know how they’re always saying it’s about to go….

ILUVROMANCE: I DON’T MEAN THAT!!! I MEAN—Mia, I ALWAYS said that all J.P. needed was the right woman to unlock his heart—which up until now he has kept in a cold, hard shell for his own emotional protection—and he will be like an unstoppable volcano of passion!!!

FTLOUIE: Yeah. So?

ILUVROMANCE: SO HE’S FOUND HER!!! AND THAT’S WHY THE CHEM LAB EXPLODED!!!!

Seriously. Sometimes I wonder how Tina got put in so many AP classes. Not to be mean, or anything.

But still.

FTLOUIE: Tina. The Chem lab exploded because Kenny was synthesizing nitrostarch and obviously did something wrong—

ILUVROMANCE: He did something wrong, all right. What he did wrong was mix such a volatile chemical compound within such close proximity of J.P. while he was admitting his true feelings for you, the woman who has unlocked his heart at last!!!!!!!

Oh, man. I wish I had my TV back. I really could use a nice quiet rerun ofJudging Amy orJoan of Arcadia right now to soothe my nerves.

FTLOUIE: Tina. Come on. J.P.’s passion for me did not cause the explosion in the Chem lab today.

ILUVROMANCE: Oh, all right, fine. Be that way—a total unromantic about it! But you have to admit, it IS awfully coincidental. So, anyway. What did you say?

FTLOUIE: When J.P. landed on me? I said, “Get off, you’re squishing me and I can’t breathe.”

ILUVROMANCE: No! I mean, when he told you about his true feelings for you!

FTLOUIE: Oh. I didn’t say anything, really. I didn’t have a chance. The Chem lab exploded.

ILUVROMANCE: Right. But then later?

FTLOUIE: Well, then we were in the ambulances. And then in the ER. And then J.P.’s parents came and got him. And that was it.

ILUVROMANCE: THAT WAS IT??? But what did you say about his loving you? Did you say you love him, too?

FTLOUIE: Of course not, Tina! I love Michael!

ILUVROMANCE: Well, of course you love Michael. But, Mia, no offense—you and Michael are broken up. You can’t just go on loving him forever. Well, I mean, you CAN, of course, like Ross went on loving Rachel forever onFriends , but…what about the senior prom?