Meg Cabot - Princess Mia

What could I say? I mean…she’s not wrong.

She’s instructed all of my teachers to take away any paper they catch me writing on, unless it’s class-related. I am only getting away with writing this because Ms. Martinez thinks it’s the creative writing assignment she just gave us, to describe a moment that touched us deeply.

You know what moment touched me deeply?

When Principal Gupta locked my journal in the school safe. It was like being gutted with a Bic disposable pen.

Tuesday, September 21, English

Mia—Where’s your journal????

I don’t want to talk about it.

Oh. Okay. I’m sorry!

No,I’m sorry. That was rude. It’s just—Principal Gupta took it away. Because my grades are slipping.

Oh, Mia! That’s terrible!

No, it’s not. It’s my own fault. I’m not supposed to be passing notes, either. All of the teachers are supposed to take away anything they see me writing on that’s not class-related. So look out.

We’ll be careful,, then. Anyway, I wanted to say—that was kind of weird yesterday at lunch, huh? I didn’t know you and Lana had become such good friends! When did that happen? I mean, if you don’t mind me asking?

No, it’s okay. I should have told you. I just felt weird about it. I know she’s been really mean to you in the past, and I didn’t—well, I just didn’t want you to hate me.

Mia! I could never hate you! You know that!

Thanks, Tina. But you’re the only one.

What are you talking about? No one could ever hate you!

Uh…A lot of people hate me, actually. And Lilly REALLY hates me.

Oh. Well. LILLY. You know why she hates you.

Right. Your J.P. theory. Which is wrong. Anyway, I’m supposed to give this speech at the end of the week for this charity function Lana’s mother’s in charge of, and one thing led to another, and…she really isn’t that bad, you know. I mean, she’s BAD. But not AS BAD as we previously thought. I think. Do you know what I mean?

I think so. At least, when she says snarky things, it seems like she just doesn’t know better rather than, like, that she means to be hurtful.

I know. Kind of like Lindsay Lohan.

Exactly! Still. I don’t think Lilly’s too happy about it.

What do you mean? Did she say something about me?

Well, she doesn’t speak to ME anymore, either, since I’m friends with you, so no, she didn’t say anything to me. But I saw her giving you dirty looks across the caf.

Oh, yeah. I saw those, too. I—

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

I will not pass notes in class.

Tuesday, September 21, Lunch

I apologized NONSTOP to Tina for getting her in trouble in English. Thank GOD our note didn’t get read out loud. That is the only good thing.

Tina says not to worry about it, that it’s nothing.

But it’s NOT nothing. I can’t believe I am dragging my friends down with me. It’s just WRONG, and I’ve got to STOP.

Anyway, they can’t stop me from writing at LUNCH. Even if I have to do it in my Chemistry notebook.

Though it’s very hard to write with Lana jostling me every minute and going, “Wait, so Gupta says you need to work harder if you want to get into college? Oh my God, that is so easily rectified. Just join the Spirit Squad. Seriously, we don’t even DO anything, except have bake sales, like, every five weeks. Oooh, or I know! You could join Hola—the Spanish Club? We just sit around and watch movies in Spanish. Like that one where the hot guys fight to the death with the hams. Well, we didn’t really watch that one in class because it was too sexy, Trisha and I watched that one at home for extra credit. Oh, or the dance committee! We’re working on the Cultural Diversity Dance right now! It’s going to be so rockin’ this year, we’re trying to get an actual band instead of a DJ for a change. Or there’s peer tutoring. Oh my God, I’m tutoring the cutest little second grader right now. I totally taught her to stay within the lines with her eyeshadow.”

I was just like, “Um. You know, I already have a lot going on, with the princess stuff. And the school paper.”

“Right,” Lana said. “Hey, what do you think of glitter gel? You know, for my nails? Too much?”

When did this become my life?

Oh, right, I remember. The day my ex-boyfriend dumped me and I lost all will to live.

Tuesday, September 21, G & T

Okay, they can’t keep me from writing in here, because

A) No one knows what I’m supposed to be doing in this stupid class anyway, given the fact that I am neither gifted nor talented, and

B) Mrs. Hill isn’t even here. There must be an auction on eBay she’s trying to win, or something, because she’s in the teacher’s lounge.

Anyway, the strangest thing just happened. After lunch I went to the girls’ room and while I was washing my hands Lilly came out of one of the stalls and started washing HER hands.

She was totally ignoring me, like I didn’t even exist. Just gazing at herself in the mirror.

I don’t know what came over me. Suddenly, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I turned off the water in my sink and grabbed some paper towels and ALMOST went, while I was drying my hands, “You know what, Lilly? You can ignore me all you want, but it doesn’t change the fact that you’re wrong. I DID NOT cause your breakup with J.P., and I am NOT going out with him. We’re JUST friends. I can’t believe that after all these years of friendship, you’d even THINK that of me. And besides, you know I love your brother. I mean, despite the fact that we’re just friends now, too.”

But I didn’t.

I didn’t say a word.

Because why should I? Why shouldI make the first move, whenI didn’t do anything wrong? She’s the one givingme the cold shoulder, whenI’m the one in great personal pain. I mean, has it ever occurred to her that I could really use a friend right now? Has it ever occurred to her that now isn’t the best time to be giving me the silent treatment?

But it seems like whenever I’m going through a time of personal crisis—when I found out I was a princess; when her brother dumped me—Lilly turns her back on me.

Lilly must have known I was thinking about saying something to her, though, because she gave me the dirtiest look. Then she rinsed off her hands, turned off the taps, got some paper towels of her own, tossed them into the trash—the same way she seems to have tossed our friendship into the trash—and walked out without a word.

I almost ran after her. I really did. I almost ran after her and told her that whatever it was I did, I’m sorry, and that I know I’m a freak, but that I’m trying to get help. I almost went, “Look, I’m in therapy. Are you happy, now? You’ve driven me into therapy!”

But, number one, I know that’s not true. I’m not in therapy because of Lilly or Michael or anyone, really, except the Giant Hole.

And number two—well, I still havesome pride left. I mean, I wasn’t about to give her the satisfaction.

Besides, what if she told Michael, or something? Then he’d think I was so torn up about our breaking up that I’m suicidal.