Meg Cabot - Princess on the Brink

“Well, the very first time I told him that I loved him, and all he said was thank you? I mean, I should have taken that as a sign that he didn’t feel the same way about me as I did about him, right?”

“But we all just thought it was because he wasn’t used to having a girl like him,” I said. “Remember, Tina said—”

“Right, that he was like the Beast fromBeauty and the Beast , unused to human love, and uncertain how to react to it. Well, guess what? Tina was wrong. It wasn’t that he didn’t know how to react. He just didn’t love me back, and he didn’t want to hurt my feelings by telling me so. So he just led me on, all these months.”

I couldn’t help sucking in my breath. “Oh, Lilly,” I said. “No! I mean, he must have thought maybe—”

“That he’d grow to love me?” Lilly managed a bitter smile. “Yeah, well, apparently it didn’t work.”

“Oh, Lilly,” I said. I could have killed J.P. right then. I really could have. I couldn’t believe he was putting her through this.

And to do it at school! Of all places! I mean, why couldn’t he have waited until they were somewhere alone, like Ray’s Pizza, and broken the news to her then, so she could cry in private? What’swrong with boys?

I’ll kill him. Seriously. I’m going to kill him.

I didn’t even realize I’d said the words out loud until Lilly reached out and grabbed my wrist and said, “Mia. No. Don’t.”

I looked at her, startled. “Don’t what?”

“Don’t say anything to him about it. Really. It’s my fault. I…I sort of knew all along that he didn’t love me.”

“What?”I’ve heard about this before. When victims of rat fink boyfriends blame themselves for what the loser himself did.

But I never thought LILLY, of all people, would be one of them.

“What are youtalking about, you knew? Obviously you didn’t know, Lilly, or you wouldn’t have—”

“No, it’s true,” Lilly said, her voice hoarse with tears. “When he never said he loved me back, I suspected that there was something wrong. But I—well, like you said. I thought he might learn to love me. So I stayed with him, instead of breaking it off, like I should have. It’s not his fault. He tried, Mia. He really did. It was actually really nice of him not to let it go farther than it did. He could really have taken advantage. But he didn’t.”

I couldn’t help being all, “So, wait. Does that mean that you two never—”

Lilly’s eyes narrowed. “Nice try, POG,” she said. “I’m down, but I’m not out. We still have a presidential election to plan, you know.”

I dropped my head down to the top of the desk. “Lilly,” I said. “I can’t. I just can’t. Can’t you see I’m broken?”

“Well, I’m broken, too,” Lilly said defensively. “And I’m still able to FUNCTION. A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”

I really hate this expression. I bet fish would totally want bicycles, if they had legs.

Then, in a gentler voice, Lilly added, “Look, POG, about you and my brother. I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” I said. And all the tears I thought I had successfully fought down in the cafeteria came rushing back.

“But I don’t get it,” Lilly said.

“Of course you don’t get it,” I said miserably, to the top of the desk. “You’re his sister. You’re on his side.”

“I may be his sister,” Lilly said. “But I’m your best friend, too. And it just seems like such a stupid waste. I know you’re mad at him, but really…what did he do that was so wrong? So he slept with Judith Gershner. Big deal. It’s not like he did it WHILE you two were going out.”

“It IS a big deal,” I insisted. “I just…I never thought Michael, of all people, would do something like that. Sleep with someone he didn’t even love. And then LIE to me about it. And I KNOW you think that’s just me inflicting my beliefs onto him. But I always just assumed he and I shared the same beliefs. And now I find out he’s more…well, he’s more likeJosh Richter than he is like me!”

“Josh Richter?” Lilly rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. How is my brother REMOTELY like Josh Richter?

“Because sleeping with a girl you don’t even love…that’s something Josh Richter does.”

“It’s only a Josh Richter thing to do if the girl had a major crush on him and he used her and she got hurt.”

I lifted my head to stare at her. “You mean like you and J.P.?” I asked, trying to sound as concerned as possible.

Lilly just glared at me, though. “Nice try, Mia,” she said. “But I’m not falling for that one.”

Dang.

“Mia,” Lilly said. “You can’t get all bent out of shape over the fact that Michael has been with other girls before you. That’s just STUPID.”

NowI narrowed my eyes ather. “What do you mean, GIRLS?”

“Well, like that girl from Hebrew camp—”

“WHAT GIRL FROM HEBREW CAMP?” I screamed so loudly that Boris actually stuck his head out of the supply closet to see what was going on.

“Relax,” Lilly said disgustedly. “They just made out. And he was, like, in ninth grade, or something.”

“Was she pretty?” I wanted to know. “Who was she? What base did they get to?”

“You,” Lilly said, “need therapy. Now, can we talk about something other than our romantic travails for a moment? Because we need to work on your speech.”

I blinked at her. “My what?”

“Your speech. You think just because we’ve broken up with our boyfriends, we’re no longer capable of improving our academic environment, or leading our peers to a better tomorrow?”

“No,” I said. “But—”

“Good. Because you know you have to give your student council president speech at Assembly today, right?”

I swallowed. Hard. “Lilly,” I said. “That is not going to be possible.”

“You don’t have a choice, POG,” Lilly said. “I’ve let you off easy this week because of the whole Michael thing. But this part I can’t do for you. You’re going to have to get up there and speak. I figured you wouldn’t have prepared anything, so I took the liberty of doing so.” She slid a piece of paper—covered with Lilly’s tiniest handwriting—toward me. “It’s pretty much the answers to questions posed on the table-toppers in the caf. You know, what to do in the event of a Category Five hurricane or dirty bomb attack. Nothing new. At least, not to you. It should be a snap.”

“If I do this,” I asked, in a sort of daze—maybe I was crashing from all the bacon—“you’ll tell me, right? If you and J.P. Did It over the summer?”

“Is that your sole motivation for running?” Lilly wanted to know.

“Yes,” I said.

“God, that is so pathetic. But yes, I will. You loser.”

I didn’t take offense at this because she’s right. I AM a loser. She doesn’t even know how much.

Besides, I know that beneath Lilly’s bravado, she is clearly hurting inside. How could she not be? She adored J.P. in a way I’ve never seen her fall for any other guy.

Seriously, how could J.P. do this to her? I thought he was one of the good guys. I really did.

But now I honestly don’t know how I’m going to be able to be friends with him. Let alone lab partners.

Friday, September 10, Chemistry

J.P. is acting like nothing happened! Like he thinks I don’t know about him and Lilly! He asked, “How are you, Mia?” when he sat down next to me, looking all concerned about me. Me! Whenhe’s the one who just stomped on my best friend’s heart!

I was so shocked, I just went, “Fine,” completely forgetting what I decided in the hallway on the way to class—that I am never speaking to J.P. again.

And okay, it isn’t his fault, necessarily, that he doesn’t love Lilly. But he could have told her sooner—like way back in May when she first told him that she loved him—instead of stringing her along this whole time.