Steel, Danielle - The House On Hope Street

“It seems like you want to forget him,” Megan said sadly.

“I can never forget him, Meg. No matter what I do, or where I go … I loved him for half my life, and we had all of you … things just happened. It wasn’t fair, for any of us. But now we have to make the best of it, and go on, the way he would want us to.”

“You’re just saying that to make yourself feel better.”

“No, I’m saying it because I believe it.”

Megan just shook her head then, and went back to her own room. Her mother had given her a lot to think about, and she didn’t even want to share it with her sisters. And after Megan left the room, Liz went quiedy to the jewel box she kept in her closet, and took off the wedding ring Jack had once placed on her finger, and she felt as though she were ripping her heart out as she did it. But she knew that the time had come. Peter noticed it the next morning, but said nothing to his mother or the others, although it even made him sad to see it.

But for the next two weeks, whenever Bill came to pick Liz up, Megan was a little more respectful. She didn’t say much to him, but she wasn’t rude to him either, and Liz was grateful. It was the best she could hope for, for the moment. Jamie and Peter were still his most ardent fans among the kids.

Liz was spending a lot of time with Bill, and they went to his apartment and made love whenever he had some time and was off duty. Sometimes they spent time together when he was on call, and he would have to leap out of bed and grab the phone, but Liz never objected. She had a strong respect for his work, more than for her own these days. She had told him more than once that her family law practice depressed her. She no longer seemed to enjoy what she was doing. It had been fun with Jack, but it wasn’t anymore. It seemed frivolous and argumentative and so pointless. The only thing she really liked these days was structuring good custody arrangements for people’s children.

“Maybe I’m losing it,” she said to him one day when they met in the hospital cafeteria for a sandwich. She had just been to court, and she was furious with one of her clients, who had behaved like a boor to his wife in court in front of the judge. She had been tempted to walk off the case, but she hadn’t. “I don’t even enjoy going to court anymore.”

“Maybe you just need a breather.” She’d only had two weeks off in the past year, she worked weekends and nights, and she was carrying a double workload.

“Maybe I should go to beauty school and get a job in a beauty parlor. It might be more useful.”

“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” he smiled at her, but she still looked unhappy.

“Jack loved family law work, it was really more his thing than mine. I just got good at it from working with him. But I don’t know now …” She was one of the best divorce lawyers in the area, and it was hard to believe she didn’t like it. Her clients would have been stunned by what she was saying. She was always so full of energy, bright ideas and creative suggestions. But lately, she felt like a windup doll whose batteries had run down. She didn’t enjoy it anymore, and she wasn’t happy. But she felt she owed it to Jack to keep going, for him.

She asked Bill what he was doing for Thanksgiving. They had talked about it once before, and he wasn’t sure if he’d be working. He had just found out that he had the day off, and he wouldn’t even be on call. He was free to do whatever he wanted, but he hadn’t made any plans since he had expected to be working over the holiday.

“Why don’t you spend it with us?” Liz said easily. The children were getting used to him, and it might be a nice way to break everyone in, she thought, over the holidays. They all loved Thanksgiving, or at least they had, when their father was alive. Liz knew it would be different this year, for all of them and her too. And trying to keep the tension level down, she had discouraged her mother from coming out.

But she wasn’t prepared for the children’s reaction when she told them that Bill would be joining them. Megan had a fit, predictably, Rachel and Annie said that he wasn’t part of the family and didn’t belong there, and even Jamie looked a little startled. She talked to Peter about asking Bill not to come, but he thought that would be mean, and he thought it might be nice to have him. And in the end, she didn’t say anything to Bill about their reaction. She just hoped they’d settle down, and be good sports when the day came, but she realized on Thanksgiving Day that her optimism had been unfounded. When the doorbell rang and he arrived, all three girls were still very angry with her.

Bill walked in wearing a tweed jacket, gray slacks, and a red tie, and Liz was wearing a brown velvet pantsuit. The children were all neatly dressed, and Peter was wearing the same suit he’d worn at his father’s funeral, Jamie his gray flannels and blazer. They were a handsome group, and as Liz poured Bill a glass of wine, she was suddenly glad that he had joined them. She realized suddenly how empty the table would seem to all of them without their father there. It would have turned into another mournful memory of him, and this way they had to keep up a good front, and talk to Bill, and each other.

They sat down to their Thanksgiving meal at five o’clock as they always did, and she said grace, as they bowed their heads. She thanked God for the many blessings they shared, the people at their table, and those who were absent, and specifically Jack. There was a long moment of silence after she said it, and Megan looked pointedly at Bill Webster. And then Liz said “Amen” and went out to the kitchen with Peter to get the turkey.

Peter was seated at the head of the table, which reminded everyone again that things were different, and the new face seated next to Liz emphasized it even further.

The bird itself was a splendid specimen, and Liz had cooked it to perfection. Carole was off for the weekend, and the girls had helped her make the stuffing. Rachel particularly liked to cook, and Jamie had helped them. But when Peter tried to carve, he proved to be hopelessly inept, and Liz had never been good at carving. Bill stepped to the head of the table with a smile.

“Let me give you a hand, son,” he said amiably. He was enjoying the family scene around the table. It had been years since he’d celebrated a real Thanksgiving. He was always working. But his choice of words had run through Megan’s heart like a sword, and she spoke barely audibly but loud enough for Bill to hear her.

“He’s not your son,” she said in a venomous tone. Bill looked surprised and glanced at Liz, and then turned to Megan.

“I’m sorry, Megan. I didn’t mean to offend anyone.” There was total silence then as he carved the bird, and he was good at it. And as Liz handed out their full plates she chatted a little too much and a little too hard to compensate for the awkward moment. But by the time Bill sat down again, everyone had calmed down.

The table was quieter than usual this year. It was their first Thanksgiving without their father, and everyone was aware that the agony of Christmas was coming.

Bill asked if they’d done their Christmas shopping yet, and everyone looked mournful at the question. They were not an easy group to entertain, but eventually Jamie made them laugh at something he said, and Annie chimed in, and reminded them of the year that Dad had dropped the turkey on the kitchen floor while he was carving it, and no one had told Mom. She never knew it had slid halfway across the floor before she served it.

Bill laughed along with them, and Liz poured him another glass of wine, and when they took the plates out to the kitchen and brought back the pies, Rachel said loudly that he drank too much, and Bill heard her.