John Locke - Lethal Experiment

“Not to mention Sensory Resources,” I said.

“That too,” Lou said.

I rolled it around in my head a few minutes, trying to find a way to make it work for me. Of course they had to kill me off . In their shoes, I’d have done the same. Okay, so I’d lost three years. No problem, I’d just have to come back from the dead. I could kill Tara’s friends before they knew I was alive, then break the good news to my loved ones. Nadine could be helpful with that part. I’d tell Kathleen and Kimberly everything, make a full confession. Then I’d retire. It could work, I reasoned. I could still salvage my relationship with Kathleen.

“How did I die?” I said.

“Excuse me?” Nadine said.

“Harry’s body wouldn’t have fooled the people that knew me well. They couldn’t say I had a heart attack.”

Lou sighed. “This sounds so much worse when I say it out loud,” he said.

I waited.

“Aw Christ, Donovan,” Lou said. “Harry got thrown off a highrise.”

No one spoke for a long time. We didn’t need to; Nadine’s expression said it all.

“On the bright side,” I said, “I look like a movie star.”

Nadine said, “You’re taking this awfully well. Are you sure you understand the complexity of the situation?”

“Pardon the pun, but I’m trying to put my best face forward.”

“He’s facing his fears,” Lou said, “putting on a brave face.”

“Well,” said Nadine, flashing a smile, “I think it’s time to face the facts.”

I returned the smile. “Good one,” I said. “For a shrink.”

“We can start with your new name,” she said.

That wiped the smile off my face. “My what?”

Chapter 44

“ Conner Payne,” Lou said.

“A sissy name.”

“Blame Darwin,” he said. “Still, it’s better than the last one he gave you.”

“Cosmo Burlap?”

Lou chuckled.

Nadine said, “This just occurred to me, but what about all your bank accounts, investments, legal papers, and so forth?”

“Everything is in my legal name.”

“Your legal name. So Donovan Creed—”

“Was my third name.”

“You people are insane,” Nadine said.

“That your professional opinion?”

“Don’t start with me,” she said.

Dr. Howard entered the room and injected something into my IV.

“Did you just give me a sedative?”

“You’ve been through a lot today,” he said.

“You’re at least going to let me try to walk…”

He sighed. “The natural tendency with these things is to try to make up the time you’ve lost right away. But it’s much more complicated than that. Your brain shut down for a reason, and we need to find out what it was, so we can prevent a recurrence. In the meantime, relax, take it easy, and understand you’ve got all the time in the world.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“Look, we’re trying to avoid a blood clot here,” he said, “or worse. Don’t worry, I’ve been ordered to get you moving as fast as possible, so your rehab is going to be supervised by the best in the business. You’ve waited this long, what’s another day?”

“You contact them yet?”

“They’re on their way.”

“Okay.” I gave him a mock salute.

Nadine said, “How is it you’re completely lucid after being knocked out with a sedative?”

“I test weapons for the military.”

“So?”

“Sedatives are like candy to me.”

“Wait. You test weapons ?”

“Uh huh.”

“What sort of weapons?”

“Death rays, psychotic drugs, torture devices, live viruses, that sort of thing.”

She gave Lou an exasperated look. “I can’t believe I wasn’t told this before. How do you expect me to do my job if you won’t tell me what I need to know?”

“You’re the psychiatrist,” Lou said. “How would we know what you need to know?”

“To think that fourteen years ago I had a legitimate practice,” she mumbled.

“Why’d you give it up?” I said.

She shook her head. “When your government calls you into service, you tend to believe they can’t save the world without your help.”

“I’ve heard that lecture myself. Many times.”

Chapter 45

“ The difference between a good man and a bad one,” Nadine said, “has nothing to do with their jobs or the choices they make. What matters is the motivation—why they do what they do.”

“You are so in the tank for Sensory,” I said. “They must have paid you a queen’s ransom.”

“I won’t deny the paycheck, and I’ll leave it to you whether I sold out. But I’ve spent a lot of years learning about this agency, and I have to say, I believe in what you’re doing.”

“What I used to do.”

“What you were born to do.”

Dr. Nadine Crouch had been trying to reprogram me for days. Today she wore an ebony jacket and matching skirt over a white crepe blouse.

“You’re wearing long sleeves again,” I said. “Is it winter?”

She pursed her lips. “I must try to keep in mind how difficult this is for you. No, it’s Spring,” she said, “and I always wear long sleeves. When you’re my age, the arms have a tendency to sag.”

“You’ve got bingo arms?” I said.

“I beg your pardon?”

I laughed, thinking about it. “Like when the old ladies at the bingo parlor hold their cards over their heads and yell ‘Bingo!’”

“That’s a harsh observation.”

“Oh, please.”

“You’ll be old someday. See how funny it is then,” she snapped.

“Hey, I was just kidding around. There’s nothing wrong with your arms.” I grinned. “Or your legs, for that matter.”

“Let’s just get back to the topic at hand,” she said, trying not to smile.

She’d been showing me dozens of news articles depicting senseless, tragic deaths, in an attempt to convince me that innocent people die every day, and they’re going to die whether I kill them or not.

“I’m done with this,” I said.

“This is who you are,” she said. “You’re a tragic hero.”

“Me? A hero? You mean, like Superman?”

“Like Joan of Arc.”

“I remind you of a chick? Must be my sissy new name.”

“Fine, forget Joan. A tragic hero is an inherently noble, extraordinary person. He has a greatness about him that makes him seem almost super-human to others, and a purpose that serves mankind. He sacrifices his life for a great cause or principle.”

“I sense a however coming.”

“However, he has a fatal flaw that ultimately brings about his destruction.”

“And mine is?”

“Somewhere along the way, you’ve lost your ability to remain detached.”

“Have you met Callie?”

“I have, many times. She visits you regularly.”

“And Quinn?”

“Not so regularly.”

I nodded. “Quinn is very detached,” I said.

“I know you consider him a friend, so I’ll refrain from criticism.”

“I can’t believe Darwin hired you to reprogram me. Wait—yes I can. But how does that sit with you? I mean, you treated me as a patient. Do you really feel it’s ethical to brainwash me into killing people?”

“I’ll say it’s appropriate. As for your use of the word ‘brainwashing,’ I’m not going to split hairs over terminology.”

I’d used the term on purpose, trying to get a rise out of her. But she didn’t bite. I said, “Nadine, you’re the most honest professional person I’ve ever met.”

“It helps to believe in the cause.”

“You know about Monica Childers?”

“I do. She was the catalyst, the one that put the wedge of doubt in your mind.”