Tara Kelly - Harmonic Feedback

She sounded like she meant it. But it would be like me saying “no more music.” It didn’t make sense.

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

“I know I really screwed up this weekend, because I’m stupid.” She rested her chin in her hand, covering a yellowing bruise. Her face looked pale and worn. “But he crossed the line. I’m done.”

“I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“You’re the only person who gives a shit. The only one I trust.” Her eyes were large and red rimmed. “Please tell me it’s not too late. Tell me there is something I can do.”

I stared back at her for a long time, my lips glued together. She had offered her friendship to me. No questions asked. And I’d lied to her. I wanted to tell her the truth. To start over—reintroduce myself. Hi, I’m Drea. World-class dork. I’m not cool. I’m not even normal. Do you still want to hang out with me? And she could’ve done the same, told me she didn’t have anyone either. If we’d both admitted how alone we were, maybe everything would’ve been different.

But I couldn’t form the words. She trusted me. Nobody had ever said that to me before. Not even my mom. “No more stealing?” I asked finally.

She let out a shaky breath. “No more. I want to focus on music. We rock together, Drea. I don’t want to lose that.”

“Me neither.” I tried to smile, but I didn’t know if it translated to my lips. “Do you know if Scott got arrested?”

“Roger told me it was the old bag upstairs who called the cops, and she calls them, like, nine times a month for stupid shit. Like, one time she thought a stray-cat fight was a kid screaming for help. Anyway, Scott told them he tripped and smacked his nose on the coffee table playing Wii. And they apparently bought it. But who knows.”

“Promise me you won’t see him again?”

Naomi smiled and looped my pinkie with hers. “I won’t even mention his name.”

I wanted to believe her, but an ache in my stomach warned me against it. Still, I didn’t want to lose the first friend I’d made in years or our music. “We decided on M3 for the band. I think I forgot to tell you.”

“I like it—a lot, actually. Where’s Justin?”’

I dug my pen into my notebook, scratching a tiny star in the corner. “He didn’t show up today. I think he hates me.”

“I don’t think that’s it, babe. People don’t run from the cops unless they have something to hide. I told you he seemed a little too nice.”

“He told us why.” My chest felt tight again. I didn’t want Justin to be one of the bad guys, but I couldn’t get his contorted features out of my head.

“Do you know where he lives? Maybe we can drop by after school,” she said.

I shook my head. “I need to find him, Naomi. I need to know.…”

She put her hand over mine. “It’ll be okay. He can’t skip school forever. You’ll get another chance.”

That wasn’t good enough for me. I went to the bathroom before class and left my mom a voice mail, telling her I was going out with Naomi and I’d be home late.

I had an appointment with Jackie during PE. I wished I had the ability to hide my emotions.

“You look troubled today, Drea. Rough weekend?”

I shrugged, trying to stop my knee from jiggling.

“SweeTart?”

I nodded, and she tossed a couple of packs to me.

“How do you know if someone is telling the truth?” I asked, letting the candy sizzle on my tongue.

Jackie’s dark eyes drifted to the ceiling. “That’s a tough question.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’d say the best proof is when their actions back up their words.”

“What if they tell you they aren’t going to do something, and it seems like they really mean it, but your stomach tells you they don’t?”

“I think you’re talking about instinct. Has this person lied before or gone back on a promise?”

“Not exactly. You know how people smile even when they aren’t happy? Like salesclerks?”

Jackie chuckled. “Yes, it’s kind of a silly idea, isn’t it? Smile wide and maybe people will buy more.”

“It annoys me. They don’t even know me, so how could they possibly care how my day was?”

“I’m with you there. We’ll ask if we want something, right?”

I nodded.

“Problem is, people don’t always say what they want,” she said. “Maybe they’re too afraid to ask. Or sometimes they simply don’t know. If you had to guess, what would you say your friend wants?”

“Love. She wants someone to care about her.” I sucked in my breath. Stupid me. She’d be able to figure out who I was talking about.

“Don’t worry, Drea. Everything you tell me is confidential unless you tell me this person poses a danger to herself or others.”

Well, she had an ex who’d harmed her, but I’d learned early on that being a tattletale wasn’t cool. Dustin Jenkins threw rocks at me for a week after I’d told the teacher he’d peed his pants. Not to mention numerous other incidents that resulted when I opened my mouth. “Okay,” I said.

“I think the best thing you can do is watch out for her. If you get that ache in your stomach, ask her how she’s feeling. Tell her that you’re there for her. And really, that’s all you can do. It’s up to her to ask you if she needs help.” She went on to tell me that I could always talk to her or a trusted adult if the situation got out of hand. But I’d already tuned her out because “out of hand” was subjective, and I had no idea where to draw the line.

We piled into Roger’s car after school. Naomi immediately ejected his CD and put in the mixed one I’d made her. Snow Patrol’s “Somewhere a Clock Is Ticking” filled the stuffy car with a soft guitar melody.

“Aw, come on. Do we have to listen to this foofee stuff?” Roger asked, glancing longingly at the death metal CD Naomi had stuck in his binder.

“Deal with it.” Naomi plopped her feet on the dash.

“Do you know where Lake Padden is?” I asked them.

“No, I’ve only lived here my entire life.” Roger rolled his eyes.

“Can you take me there?”

Naomi turned around, frowning. “Why?”

“Justin told me he likes to go there a lot.”

Roger merged onto I-5 south. “Scott is looking to pound that guy.”

“You better keep your mouth shut, then,” Naomi said.

“Hey, he hit you. I’d kick his ass myself if I wasn’t sure I’d lose. That guy benches at least three fifty.”

“Uh, yeah. Slight exaggeration there, Roger.” Naomi chuckled. “Besides, little Miss Kung Fu back there kicked him in the balls. Twice.”

I stared out the window. That was a moment I wanted to forget.

“Whatever. I told you he was an ass,” he said.

“Yeah, but I’m still not going out with you.”

“I never asked.”

“Uh-huh.” She glanced at me and wrinkled her nose.

My stomach tensed when I saw the sign for Lake Padden. The odds of Justin being here were slim, but I had to know he wasn’t some dream in my head. That the nice guy I knew actually existed.

“What do ya know, Drea’s a psychic,” Naomi said. “Isn’t that his car?” She pointed out her window.

I followed the scattered cars until I spotted a black one in the far corner. Roger drove past it, and my heart sped up when I saw the silver M3 on the back.

“Doesn’t look like he’s in there. Maybe he went for a jog,” Naomi said.

“You guys can drop me off. I can have my mom pick me up.”

“Uh, you sure?” Roger asked. “What if the guy is a psycho killer?”

“You sound like my grandma,” I said.