Jill Smolinski - The Next Thing on My List

‘ Anyway,’ I proceeded, all business, ‘ you mentioned before that you’ d be willing to take me along on a traffic report.’

‘ Any time. You name it.’

‘ Well, yes, thanks. But I’ m wondering if I can ask a huge favor. You know how the gas giveaway kind of got out of hand-’

‘ There’ s an understatement,’ he interjected. ‘ They’ re still talking about it at work. A buddy of mine, Ryan, drove down& brought his daughter with him so he’ d be a carpool. He said it took him three hours to get out of the traffic mess, and nobody was getting any gas. I heard there were fistfights.’

‘ Only the one!’ I protested. ‘ The gas station manager broke it up. And speaking of the manager, he’ s suing.’

‘ You’ re kidding, for what?’

‘ Loss of income, pain and suffering. The usual. Since I was more or less in charge, I might get fired. So if you could take my boss up on the ride-along as well, she might cut me slack. Especially if she’ d have a chance to give a pitch for ridesharing on air. I don’ t know if you can do that, or-’

‘ You might get fired over this?’

‘ Quite possibly.’

‘ I had no idea.’ He groaned, ‘ I left you a message laughing.’

‘ Don’ t worry about it.’

‘ You must think I’ m such an ass.’

For a minute there, yes. ‘ Nah.’

‘ Well, the ride-along’ s no problem. There’ s plenty of room for two. I can’ t guarantee you’ ll get on air, though. I’ ll have to run it by the producer. Depends on how bad traffic is, whether or not there’ ll be time. I’ m usually more open on Fridays, so if that works for you& ‘

‘ Sure, Friday’ s perfect.’

We set up a ride-along for the following week. The helicopter he piloted was based at the Van Nuys Airport, a few miles from my parents’ house. ‘ I go up at five,’ he said, ‘ so if the two of you can be there at four-thirty, we’ ll have time to get you situated.’

‘ Four-thirty? As in the morning?’ I gulped. ‘ Hoo boy. Mind if I wear my jammies?’

‘ Wear whatever you want. It’ s radio.’ He paused and then said, ‘ What kind of pajamas?’

My mind flashed to my favorite pajamas. Flannel shorts and a T-shirt with little Snoopys on it. Sexy lady! ‘ I’ ll surprise you,’ I said.

‘ Sounds promising.’

He gave me directions to his hangar in the airport, and when I thanked him again, he said, ‘ Looking forward to it. By the way, you have any problem with heights?’

‘ Nope.’

‘ Speed?’

‘ Fine with it.’

‘ Flips, turns, nosedives, midair stunts?’

‘ How ‘ bout you drop me off before you get to that part? But don’ t rule it out entirely. I’ m sure my boss would love it.’

THE NEXT MORNING, I marched boldly into the office-head held high for the first time since the fiasco. As soon as I could tell Lizbeth about how Troy Jones would be working with us, she’ d sing a different tune about me. She’ d throw her body in front of Dr. Death to preserve my job. Granted, it was only the one ride-along, but there was no need to get into picky details.

Lizbeth was in a closed-door meeting all morning. I was editing my newsletter when I noticed Dr. Death hovering near my cubicle. My heart froze. No& not before I had a chance to spring my surprise on Lizbeth& he couldn’ t. That was the problem with these cubicles. No place to hide. If only I could& Oh, wait& he passed me by. I exhaled a breath. Close call.

When I felt the chill from the air recede, I peeked around the corner. I saw him stop to talk to Brie and then go into Lizbeth’ s office.

I escaped to the deli downstairs to get doughnuts and Diet Coke. There was no way I was going to risk an encounter with Dr. Death before I had a chance to talk to Lizbeth. By the time I checked back to see if he’ d left and if she was available, it was almost noon. Brie sat at her station, thumbing through an Ebony magazine.

‘ Can I see Lizbeth now?’

‘ She’ s gone.’

‘ Damn! I was hoping to catch her so I could-’

She lifted her head. ‘ You didn’ t hear? She’ s gone. Dr. Death fired her an hour ago. Escorted her out the door. He gave her enough time to pack up a couple boxes, and that was it.’

‘ Lizbeth was fired? Lizbeth was fired?’

‘ Tossed out on her skinny behind.’

‘ Why?’

‘ Beats me. Nobody knows. She didn’ t see it coming, I’ ll tell you that. I know she’ s white, but I never seen anybody that white. She looked like a ghost seeing a ghost.’

‘ That’ s unbelievable.’

Lizbeth fired! I couldn’ t get my mind around it. Ding-dong, the witch is dead. I should have been elated, should have been dancing with the Munchkins in the streets. But I stood there, numb with confusion. How could Lizbeth possibly have gotten fired? ‘ It’ s so strange,’ I muttered.

‘ Yeah, and you want to know the saddest part? She took her TV. Now how am I going to watch The Guiding Light? Shoot-and Buzz was about to find out whether Olivia’ s been cheating on him with his evil twin.’

Rumors flew the rest of the day. They ranged from Lizbeth getting fired for sabotaging my gas giveaway (my personal favorite and one I did nothing to squelch) to a lovers’ quarrel between her and Bigwood.

Finally, I couldn’ t stand it any longer and went to find Phyllis. She was close to Bigwood. Maybe she’ d know. Mostly likely she knew. The question was: Would she tell?

‘ Hey, Phyllis,’ I said, peering into her space. It was a windowless room that sat off of Bigwood’ s office. Papers were stacked against every wall and littered her desk. She had a door, though-the only secretary to have one, underscoring her clout. ‘ Got a minute?’

‘ Sure. What’ s up?’

I pointed toward where her office led into Bigwood’ s and mouthed, ‘ Is he in there?’

She shook her head. I shut the door behind me and helped myself to a mini Snickers from a dish on her desk, then took a seat.

‘ First off, I’ m not in here to gossip,’ I said. ‘ I am hoping to get information.’

‘ About& ?’

‘ Why Lizbeth was fired.’

‘ Last I heard, she was embezzling. Or was it that she was discovered trying to use one of those blowup dolls to ride in the carpool lane?’

‘ I’ m serious,’ although I’ d heard that last one myself from Brie minutes earlier. ‘ You may think that this is none of my business, but I am involved. I was in charge of a gas giveaway that went badly. The next thing I know, my boss is being escorted out.’

Phyllis tipped back in her chair, her hands forming a steeple in front of her face. ‘ So are you here to take the blame or the credit?’

‘ It’ s not like that. I’ m not going to fake any love for Lizbeth. She was the worst boss I’ ve ever had. I’ m thrilled that she’ s gone. But Dr. Death& um, I mean Ivan& did a lot of poking into what happened. If Lizbeth messed up my project, I deserve to be told.’

‘ What makes you think I’ d know?’

‘ You know everything.’

‘ Point taken.’ After regarding me a moment longer, she said, ‘ You’ re not hearing this from me. I’ m telling you because I owe you one. Lizbeth was squeaky clean, and so, for the record, were you. As best we can determine, a guy at Fox News took it upon himself to stir things up. The other TV stations followed suit.’

‘ If that’ s the case, why don’ t we say something? We look like fools, and it wasn’ t even our fault!’

‘ Lou’ s chummy with people high up at Fox. They all belong to the same country club. Anyway, the gas station owner wanted blood. We gave him blood. Lizbeth’ s. It was the easiest way to stay out of court.’

‘ That’ s so awful. It wasn’ t even her fault.’