Foster, Dean - Spellsinger 03 - The Day of the Dissonance

for that little bottle bein' tight-sealed the way it is."

"Any container of medicine would be sealed," Jon-Tom

responded. "If there was any danger, Clothahump would

have warned me not to open it." Another twist and the cap

was off, rendering further argument futile.

He stared at the contents, then held the bottle under his

nose and sniffed.

"Well," asked Drom curiously, "do you have any idea

what it is?"

Jon-Tom ignored the unicorn. Frowning, he turned the

bottle upside down and dumped one of several tablets into

his palm. He eyed it uncertainly, and before anyone could

stop him, licked it. He sat and smacked his lips thoughtfully.

Abruptly his face contorted and his expression under-

went a horrible, dramatic change. His eyes bugged and a

hateful grimace twisted his mouth. As he rose his hands

were trembling visibly and he clutched the bottle so hard

his fingers whitened.

"It's got him!" Folly stumbled back toward the bushes.

"Something's got him!"

"Roseroar!" Mudge shouted. "Get 'im down! I'll find

some vines to tie 'im with!" He rushed toward the trees.

"No," Jon-Tom growled tightly. "No." His face fell as

he stared at the bottle. Then he drew back his hand and

made as if to fling the plastic container and its priceless

contents into the deep woods. At the last instant he

stopped himself. Now he was smiling malevolently at the

tablet in his hand.

"No. We're going to take it back. Take it back so that

Clothahump can see it. Can see what we crossed half a

world and nearly died a dozen times to bring him." He

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Alan Dean Foster

THE DAY OF THE DISSONANCE

291

stared at his uneasy companions. "This is the medicine.

This will cure him. I'm sure it will. Then, when the pain

has left his body and he is whole and healthy again, I'll

strangle him with my bare hands!"

"Ah don't understand yo, Jon-Tom. What's wrong if

that's the right medicine?"

"What's wrong? I'll tell you what's wrong." He shook

the bottle at her. "It's acetylsalicylic acid, that's what's

wrong!" Suddenly the anger went out of him, and he sat

back down heavily on a fallen tree. "Why didn't I think

that might be it? Why?"

Mudge fought to pronounce the peculiar, otherworldly

word, failed miserably. "You mean you know wot the

bloody stuff is?"

"Know it?" Jon-Tom lifted tired eyes to the otter. "You

remember when I arrived in this world, Mudge?"

"Now, that would be a 'ard day to forget, mate. I nearly

spilled your guts all over a field o' flowers."

"Do you remember what I was wearing?"

Mudge's face screwed up in remembrance. "That funny

tight shirt and them odd pants."

"Jeans, Mudge, jeans. I had a few things with me when

Clothahump accidently brought me over. My watch, which

doesn't work anymore because the batteries are dead."

"Spell's worn out, you mean."

"Let's don't get into that now, okay? My watch, a

lighter, a few keys in a small metal box, and another small

box about this big." He traced an outline in the air in front

of him.

"The second box held a few little items I always carried

with me for unexpected emergencies. Some Pepto-Bismol

tablets for an upset stomach, a couple of Band-Aids, a few

blue tablets whose purpose we won't discuss in mixed

company, and some white tablets. Do you remember the

white tablets, Mudge?"

The otter shook his head. "I wouldn't 'ave a looksee

through your personal things, mate." Besides, he'd been

interrupted before he could get the two boxes opened.

"Those tablets were just like these, Mudge. Just like

these." He stared dumbly at the bottle he held. "Acetylsali-

cylic acid. Aspirin, plain old ordinary everyday aspirin."

"Ah guess it ain't so ordinary hereabouts," said Roseroar.

"Now, mate," said Mudge soothingly, " 'is wizardship

couldn't 'ave known you 'ad some in your back pocket all

along, now could 'e? It were a sad mistake, but an 'onest

one."

"You think so? Clothahump knows everything.'1

"Then why send us across 'alf the world to find somethin'

'e already 'ad in 'is 'ouse?"

"To test me. To test my loyalty. He's grooming me to

take his place someday if he can't send me home, and he

has to make sure I'm up to the reputation he's going to

leave behind. So he keeps testing me."

"Are you tellin' me, mate," muttered Mudge carefully,

"that this 'ole damn dangerous trip was unnecessary from

the beginnin'? That this 'ere glorious quest could've been

left undone and we could've stayed comfy an' warm back

in the Bellwoods, doin' civilized work like gettin' laid an'

drunk?"

Jon-Tom nodded sadly. "I'm afraid so."

Mudge's reaction was not what Jon-Tom expected. He

anticipated a replay of his own sudden fury, at least.

Instead, the otter clasped his hands to his belly, bent over,

and fell to the ground, where he commenced to roll wildly

about while laughing uncontrollably. A moment later Drom's

own amused, high-pitched whinny filled the woods, while

Roseroar was unable to restrain her own more dignified but

just as heartfelt hysteria.

"What are you laughing about? You idiots, we nearly

got killed half a dozen times on this journey! So what are

you laughing about?" For some reason this only made his

companions laugh all the harder.

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Alan Dean Poster

Except for one. Soft hands were around his neck and

still softer flesh in his lap as Folly sat down on his thighs.

"I understand, Jon-Tom. I feel sorry for you. I'll always

understand and I'll never laugh at you."

He struggled to squirm free of her grasp. This was

difficult since she was seated squarely in his lap and had

locked her hands tightly behind his neck.

"Folly," he said as he wrestled with her, "I've told you

before that there can't be anything between us! For one

thing, I already have a lady, and for another, you're too

young."

She grinned winsomely. "But she's half a world away

from here, and I'm getting older every day. If you'll give

me half a chance, I'll catch up to you." By now the

unicom was lying on his back kicking weakly at the air,

and Mudge was laughing hard enough to cry. Jon-Tom

fought to free himself and failed each time he tried,

because his hands kept contacting disconcerting objects.

Mudge looked up at his friend. Tears ran down his face

and formed droplets on the ends of his whiskers. " 'Ow

are you going to magic your way out o' this one, spell-

slinger?" Something nudged him from behind, and he saw

that the unicorn had crawled over close to him.

"Small you may be, otter, but you are most admirable

in so many ways. I look forward to joining you on your

homeward journey. It will give us the chance to get to

know each other better. And it is said that where there is a

will, there is a way." He nuzzled the wide-eyed otter's

haunches.

Then it was Jon-Tom's turn to laugh....