Butler, Octavia - Dawn

Now she was alarmed, pleased, and frightened. . . . She stood slowly, testing her legs, finding them unsteady, but functional. She tried to clear the fog from her mind so that she could examine herself and trust her findings.

"I'm glad the family decided to put the two of us together," Nikanj was saying. "I didn't want to work with you. I tried to get out of it. I was afraid. All I could think of was how easy it would be for me to fail and perhaps damage you."

"You mean . . . you mean you weren't sure of what you were doing just now?"

"That? Of course I was sure. And your 'just now' took a long time. Much longer than you usually sleep."

"But what did you mean about failing-"

"I was afraid I could never convince you to trust me enough to let me show you what I could do-show you that I wouldn't hurt you. I was afraid I would make you hate me. For an ooloi to do that . . . it would be very bad. Worse than I can tell you."

"But Kahguyaht doesn't think so."

"Ooan says humans-any new trade partner species- can't be treated the way we must treat each other. It's right up to a point. I just think it goes too far. We were bred to work with you. We're Dinso. We should be able to find ways through most of our differences."

"Coercion," she said bitterly. "That's the way you've found."

"No. Ooan would have done that. I couldn't have. I would have gone to Ahajas and Dichaan and refused to mate with them. I would have looked for mates among the Akjai since they'll have no direct contact with humans."

It smoothed its tentacles again. "But now when I go to Ahajas and Dichaan, it will be to mate-and you'll go with me. We'll send you to your work when you're ready. And you'll be able to help me through my final metamorphosis." It rubbed its armpit. "Will you help?"

She looked away from it. "What do you want me to do?"

"Just stay with me. There will be times when having Ahajas and Dichaan near me would be tormenting. I would be . . . sexually stimulated, and unable to do anything about it. Very stimulated. You can't do that to me. Your scent, your touch is different, neutral."

Thank god, she thought.

"It would be bad for me to be alone while I change. We need others close to us, more at that time than at any other."

She wondered what it would look like with its second pair of arms, what it would be like as a mature being. More like Kahguyaht? Or maybe more like Jdahya and Tediin. How much did sex determine personality among the Oankali? She shook her head. Stupid question. She did not know how much sex determined personality even among human beings.

"The arms," she said, "they're sexual organs, aren't they?"

"No," Nikanj told her. "They protect sexual organs: the sensory hands."

"But. . ." She frowned. "Kahguyaht doesn't have anything like a hand at the end of its sensory arms." In fact, it had nothing at all at the end of its sensory arms. There was only a blunt cap of hard, cool skin-like a large callus.

"The hand is inside. Ooan will show you if you ask."

"Never mind."

It smoothed. "I'll show you myself-when I have something to show. Will you stay with me while they grow?"

Where else was she going? "Yes. Just make sure I know anything I might need to know about you and them before they start."

"Yes. I'll sleep most of the time, but still, I'll need someone there. If you're there, I'll know and I'll be all right. You. . . you might have to feed me."

"That's all right." There was nothing unusual about the way Oankali ate. Not on the surface, anyway. Several of their front teeth were pointed, but their size was well within the human range. She had, twice, on her walks, seen Oankali females extend their tongues all the way down to their throat orifices, but normally, the long gray tongues were kept inside the mouths and used as humans used tongues.

Nikanj made a sound of relief-a rubbing together of body tentacles in a way that sounded like stiff paper being crumpled. "Good," it said. "Mates know what we feel when they stay near us, they know the frustration. Sometimes they think it's funny."

Lilith was surprised to find herself smiling. "It is, sort of."

"Only for the tormentors. With you there, they'll torment me less. But before all that. . ." It stopped, aimed a loose point at her. "Before that, I'll try to find an English speaking human for you. One as much like you as possible. Ooan will not stand in the way of your meeting one now."

8

A day, Lilith had decided long ago, was what her body said it was. Now it became what her newly improved memory said it was as well. A day was long activity, then long sleep. And now, she remembered every day that she had been awake. And she counted the days as Nikanj searched for an English-speaking human for her. It went alone to interview several. Nothing she said could induce it to take her along or at least tell her about the people it had talked to.

Finally Kahguyaht found someone. Nikanj had a look, then accepted its parent's judgment. "It will be one of the humans who has chosen to stay here," Nikanj told her.

She had expected that from what Kahguyaht had said earlier. It was still hard to believe, though. "Is it a man or a woman?" she asked.

"Male. A man."

"How. . . how could he not want to go home?"

"He's been here among us for a long time. He's only a little older than you are, but he was Awakened young and kept Awake. A Toaht family wanted him and he was willing to stay with them."

Willing? What kind of choice had they given him? Probably the same kind they had given her, and he had been years younger. Only a boy, perhaps. What was he now? What had they created from their human raw material? "Take me to him," she said.

For the second time, Lilith rode one of the flat transports through the crowded corridors. This transport moved no faster than the first one she had ridden. Nikanj did not steer it except occasionally to touch one side or the other with head tentacles to make it turn. They rode for perhaps a half hour before she and Nikanj dismounted. Nikanj touched the transport with several head tentacles to send it away.

"Won't we need it to go back?" she asked.

"We'll get another," Nikanj said. "Maybe you'll want to stay here for a while."

She looked at it sharply. What was this? Step two of the captive breeding program? She glanced around at the retreating transport. Maybe she had been too quick to agree to see this man. If he were thoroughly enough divorced from his humanity to want to stay here, who knew what else he might be willing to do.

"It's an animal," Nikanj said.

"What?"

"The thing we rode. It's an animal. A tilio. Did you know?"

"No, but I'm not surprised. How does it move?"

"On a thin film of a very slippery substance."

"Slime?"

Nikanj hesitated. "I know that word. It's. . . inadequate, but it will serve. I've seen Earth animals who use slime to move. They are inefficient compared to the tilio, but I can see similarities. We shaped the tilio from larger, more efficient creatures."

"It doesn't leave a slime trail."

"No. The tilio has an organ at its rear that collects most of what it spreads. The ship takes in the rest."

"Nikanj, do you ever build machinery? Tamper with metal and plastic instead of living things?"

"We do that when we have to. We. . . don't like it. There's no trade."

She sighed. "Where is the man? What's his name, by the way?"

"Paul Titus."

Well, that didn't tell her anything. Nikanj took her to a nearby wall and stroked it with three long head tentacles. The wall changed from off-white to dull red, but it did not open.

"What's wrong?" Lilith asked.

"Nothing. Someone will open it soon. It's better not to go in if you don't know the quarters well. Better to let the people who live there know you are waiting to go in."