Butler, Octavia - Kindred

I dug the washcloth out of my denim bag, wet it, and took it back to him. Kneeling beside him, I began wiping blood from his face.

“Why didn’t you tell me that’s where you were going?” he said petu- lantly. He was panting and holding his side.

I watched him, wondering how much he had really grown up. “Dana, say something!”

“I want you to say something.”

He squinted at me. “What?” I was leaning close to him, and I caught a whiff of his breath when he spoke. He had been drinking. He didn’t seem drunk, but he had definitely been drinking. That worried me, but there was nothing I could do about it. I didn’t dare wait until he was com- pletely sober.

“I want you to tell me about the men who attacked you,” I said. “What men? Isaac …”

“The men you were drinking with,” I improvised. “They were strangers—white men. They got you drinking, then tried to rob you.” Kevin’s old story was coming in handy.

“What in hell are you talking about? You know Isaac Jackson did this to me!” The words came out in a harsh whisper.

“All right, Isaac beat you up,” I agreed. “Why?” He glared at me without answering.

“You raped a woman—or tried to—and her husband beat you up,” I said. “You’re lucky he didn’t kill you. He would have if Alice and I hadn’t talked him out of it. Now what are you going to do to repay us for saving your life?”

The bewilderment and anger left his face, and he stared at me blankly. After a while, he closed his eyes and I went over to rinse my washcloth. When I got back to him, he was trying—and failing—to stand up. Finally, he collapsed back panting and holding his side. I wondered whether he was hurt more than he appeared to be—hurt inside. His ribs, perhaps.

I knelt beside him again and wiped the rest of the blood and dirt from his face. “Rufe, did you manage to rape that girl?”

He looked away guiltily.

THE FIGHT 123

“Why would you do such a thing? She used to be your friend.” “When we were little, we were friends,” he said softly. “We grew up.

She got so she’d rather have a buck nigger than me!”

“Do you mean her husband?” I asked. I managed to keep my voice even.

“Who in hell else would I mean!”

“Yes.” I gazed down at him bitterly. Kevin had been right. I’d been foolish to hope to influence him. “Yes,” I repeated. “How dare she choose her own husband. She must have thought she was a free woman or something.”

“What’s that got to do with it?” he demanded. Then his voice dropped to almost a whisper. “I would have taken better care of her than any field hand could. I wouldn’t have hurt her if she hadn’t just kept saying no.”

“She had the right to say no.” “We’ll see about her rights!”

“Oh? Are you planning to hurt her more? She just helped me save your life, remember?”

“She’ll get what’s coming to her. She’ll get it whether I give it to her or not.” He smiled. “If she ran off with Isaac, she’ll get plenty.”

“Why? What do you mean?”

“She did run off with Isaac, then?”

“I don’t know. Isaac figured I was on your side so he didn’t trust me enough to tell me what they were going to do.”

“He didn’t have to. Isaac just attacked a white man. He’s not going back to Judge Holman after doing that. Some other nigger might, but not Isaac. He’s run away, and Alice is with him, helping him to escape. Or at least, that’s the way the Judge will see it.”

“What will happen to her?”

“Jail. A good whipping. Then they’ll sell her.” “She’ll be a slave?”

“Her own fault.”

I stared at him. Heaven help Alice and Isaac. Heaven help me. If Rufus could turn so quickly on a life-long friend, how long would it take him to turn on me?

“I don’t want her being sold South, though,” he whispered. “Her fault or not, I don’t want her dying in some rice swamp.”

“Why not?” I asked bitterly. “Why should it matter to you?”

124

“I wish it didn’t.”

KINDRED

I frowned down at him. His tone had changed suddenly. Was he going to show a little humanity then? Did he have any left to show?

“I told her about you,” he said. “I know. She recognized me.”

“I told her everything. Even about you and Kevin being married. Espe- cially about that.”

“What will you do, Rufe, if they bring her back?” “Buy her. I’ve got some money.”

“What about Isaac?”

“To hell with Isaac!” He said it too vehemently and hurt his side. His face twisted in pain.

“So you’ll be rid of the man and have possession of the woman just as you wanted,” I said with disgust. “Rape rewarded.”

He turned his head toward me and peered at me through swollen eyes. “I begged her not to go with him,” he said quietly. “Do you hear me, I begged her! ”

I said nothing. I was beginning to realize that he loved the woman— to her misfortune. There was no shame in raping a black woman, but there could be shame in loving one.

“I didn’t want to just drag her off into the bushes,” said Rufus. “I never wanted it to be like that. But she kept saying no. I could have had her in the bushes years ago if that was all I wanted.”

“I know,” I said.

“If I lived in your time, I would have married her. Or tried to.” He began trying to get up again. He seemed stronger now, but in pain. I sat watching him, but not helping. I was not eager for him to recover and go home—not until I was sure what story he would tell when he got there.

Finally, the pain seemed to overwhelm him and he lay down again. “What did that bastard do to me?” he whispered.

“I could go and get help for you,” I said. “If you tell me which way to go.”

“Wait.” He caught his breath and coughed and the coughing hurt him badly. “Oh God,” he moaned.

“I think you’ve got broken ribs,” I said.

“I wouldn’t be surprised. I guess you’d better go.”

“All right. But, Rufe … white men attacked you. You hear?” He said nothing.

THE FIGHT 125

“You said people would be going after Isaac anyway. All right then, so be it. But let him—and Alice—have a chance. They’ve given you one.” “It won’t make any difference whether I tell or not. Isaac’s a runaway.

They’ll have to answer for that, no matter what.” “Then your silence won’t matter.”

“Except to give them the start you want them to have.” I nodded. “I do want them to have it.”

“You’ll trust me, then?” He was watching me very closely. “If I say I

won’t tell, you’ll believe me?”

“Yes.” I paused for a moment. “We should never lie to each other, you and I. It wouldn’t be worthwhile. We both have too much opportunity for retaliation.”

He turned his face away from me. “You talk like a damn book.” “Then I hope Kevin did a good job of teaching you to read.”

“You …!” He caught my arm in a grip I could have broken, but I let him hold on. “You threaten me, I’ll threaten you. Without me, you’ll never find Kevin.”

“I know that.”

“Then don’t threaten me!”

“I said we were dangerous to each other. That’s more a reminder than a threat.” Actually, it was more a bluff.

“I don’t need reminders or threats from you.” I said nothing.

“Well? Are you going to go get some help for me?” Still I said nothing. I didn’t move.

“You go through those trees,” he said pointing. “There’s a road out there, not too far away. Go left on the road and then just follow it until you come to our place.”

I listened to his directions knowing that I would use them sooner or later. But we had to have an understanding first, he and I. He didn’t have to admit that we had one. He could keep his pride if that was what he thought was at stake. But he did have to behave as though he understood me. If he refused, he was going to get a lot more pain now. And maybe later when Kevin was safe and Hagar had at least had a chance to be born—I might never find out about that—I would walk away from Rufus and leave him to get out of his own trouble.