Diane Davidson - Killer Pancake

“I’ll finish you!” Krill yelled, but no one was listening.

Officer Boyd picked up the rabbit carcass with gloved hands and put it into a paper evidence bag, and then the three of them took off in a sheriff’s department vehicle. Who, I wondered, was Shaman Krill really working for?

Two levels down, Julian and I finally found the Rover. Julian drove me back to my van and we arrived home in tandem around six o’clock. When we came through the door, the melancholy rhythm of “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band” reverberated down the stairs from Arch’s room. When I called to him, he replied that he was testing a strobe light and would be there in a minute.

Trying to focus on things domestic in general and on dinner in particular, I opened the walk-in. Wrapped triangles of creamy Port Salut, tangy Brie, and crumbly Gorgonzola cheeses beckoned. Tom had made a sign that said Ours! with an arrow pointing to the shelf below, to distinguish the extravagant purchases of foodstuffs he made for our newly formed family. I could always count on that shelf to bulge with the choicest berries and other produce, the ripest cheeses, the most expensive seafoods. I was trying to decide from the Ours! shelf when Arch arrived in the kitchen, still wearing the Panthers shirt. He’d found a pair of round-framed sunglasses and strap-up-the-legs sandals to go with the shirt. He looked like a beachcomber.

“I’m hungry,” he announced unceremoniously. “In fact, I’m going to faint if I don’t have some food.” He lifted up the sunglasses and glanced at my outfit, then at my face and hair. “Gosh, Mom, you look weird. I know you like coffee, but don’t you want to advertise your business instead of Pete’s?”

“Arch, please …”

“All right, all right. Just … when are we going to eat? I mean, I don’t want to be rude, but it’s been a hundred hours since lunchtime.”

“Well, I was kind of thinking of taking a shower first,” I said hopefully.

Arch moved the sunglasses down his nose, clutched his stomach, and made his eyeballs bulge.

“Oh, stop,” I grumbled. So much for the shower. Marla was coming home the next day, in any event, and if I was going to follow through on my promise to do some lowfat cooking for her, now was the time. “Dinner in forty-five minutes?” I asked brightly.

Arch looked around the empty kitchen. No food was started. The table was covered with advertisements for the fair. “What are you fixing?” he asked dubiously.

“Why don’t you let me—” Julian began.

“Absolutely not,” I broke in, “you’re taking a break. I’m fixing pasta,” I said noncommittally to Arch. Pasta was always a safe bet. What did I have on hand? Hard to remember, since Tom had taken it upon himself to buy so many goodies for us.

“What kind?” my son wanted to know.

“Arch—”

“Maybe you’d just better let me order in from the Chinese place.”

“Hey, kiddo! What are you, the plumber’s son who can’t get his leaky sink fixed for a year? I’m going to cook dinner! I may be in professional food service, but I always fix the meals around here, don’t I?”

“Well, not always—” he began, but when he saw my glowering expression, he fell silent.

Julian came to my rescue. “Come on, Arch, let’s go listen to rock groups for a while.” Julian tousled Arch’s brown hair that stuck out at various angles. Since it was summertime, I never told him to comb it. Worrying about the prep school’s dress and appearance code didn’t start until fall.

Arch pulled away. “You don’t need to take care of me, Julian. I’m okay.”

“I’m not trying to take care of you. I really want to listen to some tunes.”

“But I can’t on an empty stomach!” He narrowed his eyes at me, not to be dissuaded. “What kind of pasta? Fettuccine?”

“Fettuccine Alfredo,” I pledged. It was his favorite. If I promised it, maybe he’d quit hassling me and allow me to cook. On the other hand, how I would make a lowfat Alfredo—a dish that ordinarily required a stick of melted butter, two cups of heavy whipping cream, and loads of Parmesan cheese—was beyond my reckoning.

“I don’t believe it,” Arch replied stubbornly.

“That’s what they said when Eugene McCarthy won the New Hampshire primary,” Julian interjected.

Arch gaped at Julian in awe. “How’d you know that?”

“You’d be surprised at what you can pick up,” Julian said mysteriously. “Take the Vietnam protest, which had as one of its favorite slogans Johnson Withdraw! Like Your Father Should Have!”

I yelled, “Julian!”

Arch shrieked with laughter and scampered up the stairs.

“Gosh, Goldy,” Julian said in his get-a-life tone of voice. “Don’t you think Arch knows about sex? Sometimes I wonder about you.”

Well, I thought as I desperately scanned my freezer for cholesterol-free fettuccine, sometimes I wondered about me too. Miraculously, I found a package of the right pasta. I started water to heat in the pasta pentola. The boys had turned off Sgt. Pepper, perhaps to discuss … well, I didn’t want to think about it.

I opened the kitchen window. A late afternoon breeze floated in along with trilling notes from the saxophone at the Routts’ place. I smiled. Here we were in rural Colorado, and yet it felt as if our house sat across the alley from a New York jazz club. I chopped some red onion, then washed and sliced slender, brilliant-green asparagus that I had found in a tight bundle on the Ours! shelf. When I’d drizzled a bit of olive oil over a head of garlic and set it to bake in the oven, I thought back on the events of the day. Applying logic, or trying to.

I’d gone into Prince & Grogan trying to find Claire’s murderer. Tom had said it was all right to do some digging, as long as I didn’t get into trouble. And I had gotten into trouble, or at least been busted by store security, doused with bleach water, and told to go home. But these weren’t my fault, I rationalized.

Besides, I thought as I got out Wondra flour, I was determined to help Julian recover from Claire’s death. If I just knew why this happened , he had cried so helplessly here in the kitchen. Claire’s life had revolved around Mignon. So it seemed logical to look at what she herself had called “that cutthroat cosmetics counter.”

And, I also rationalized as I measured, since I was a woman, like it or not I was more able to get gossipy-type information than Tom and his deputies at the sheriff’s department ever would. The Mignon counter at Prince & Grogan, Westside Mall, was a place of high energy, high profit, high emotional stakes. I mean, where else could you go and be promised beauty and endless youth with such enthusiasm, conviction, and pain to your wallet? Where else did you have to watch for shoplifters, pretend to be decades older than your actual age, worry about spies from rival firms, and fend off wealthy pick-up artists in the form of weird scientists?

I poked wildly through one of my drawers until I found a grater. I’d been able to help Tom before in his investigations. Of course, he’d never particularly welcomed my involvement until it was all over. And no matter how much I maintained Julian needed my help in figuring out what happened, my protestations would fall on deaf ears.

Still. I’d heard Dusty say to Reggie Hotchkiss, We saw you. You are going to get into so much trouble . I’d been in that garage. I hadn’t seen anybody except a crazy demonstrator. But I’d found a blue rose close to Claire’s body. And that rose had perhaps been developed by Charles Braithwaite—the same Charles Braithwaite who, according to Dusty, had been infatuated by, and later broken up with, Claire Satterfield. And then there had been Babs Braithwaite, who had run into me at the top of the escalator, claiming that somebody was hiding in the women’s dressing room. Only I hadn’t found anybody in the dressing room. Except I’d unexpectedly encountered her husband again. This time Dr. Charlie had magically turned up on the roof. On the roof, that is, after Frances Markasian and I had been hit with an unhealthy dose of bleach water. I wondered if Charles Braithwaite would have had the courage to do that. He didn’t strike me as the courageous type.