Val McDermid - The Vanishing Point

‘But shouldn’t the victims have some say in outcomes? I wanted to draw a line under what he did to me. I didn’t want to think about him for one second more than I had to. Any connection to him would have been a bad deal for me. That was my thinking at the time. As it turned out, I probably made the wrong decision. But it was the choice I needed to make then and there for the sake of my own well-being.’

‘I take it that wasn’t the last you heard from Pete?’ Now Vivian could explore what interested her – whether Pete Matthews was the kind of man who would cling to his sense of being wronged down the years.

Stephanie shook her head ruefully. ‘Far from it. I thought he’d vented his feelings and I’d never hear from him again. But he apparently thought we still had unfinished business. After I’d been at Scarlett’s for a couple of days, he started texting me. It was as if nothing had happened. He was talking about work, when he’d be finished for the day, and where should we meet for dinner?’

‘That’s very weird.’

‘You think so?’

Vivian wondered if Stephanie was quite as balanced as she appeared. Not to think Pete Matthews’ follow-up was weird seemed perverse to her. ‘You don’t?’

‘Stop and think for a moment. He didn’t know I’d seen him leave the house with the door standing open. For all he knew, I hadn’t been back there. I assumed he was fishing to see whether I was aware my house had been wrecked and, if so, whether I held him responsible. I mean, he had to be at least a little bit worried that I was going to report him to the police.’

Again, Stephanie had caught her on the back foot. This was one seriously smart woman, Vivian thought. Her stories might be long-winded, but along the way, a lot of useful points got made. ‘That makes sense,’ she acknowledged. ‘What did you do about these texts?’

‘I ignored them. I didn’t read most of them. At first I deleted them, but Scarlett pointed out that if I did have to go to the police, they would be evidence of him hassling me. So I kept them on my phone but I didn’t pay attention to them. Then he started emailing me as well. These hurt, bewildered emails, acting like he didn’t know why I was ignoring him when his only crime was to love me.’ She rolled her eyes and groaned. ‘I’m sure you’ve seen the kind of thing.’

Vivian nodded. She didn’t think it would be helpful to remark that generally she’d viewed them in the aftermath of violent death. ‘I get the picture. And did you call the cops?’

‘I didn’t think there would be any point. On the face of it, there was nothing threatening about his texts and emails. Apart from the sheer volume of them, I suppose. Scarlett said I should talk to the police, but I thought they wouldn’t take me seriously. Because there was no apparent threat.’

‘Did that change?’

‘After he vandalised my home, I stayed at Scarlett’s for four or five days. To be honest, I was dreading going back home. My recollection of what he’d done was too vivid. I couldn’t see a cleaning company doing much to erase that image. But I was wrong. Scarlett hadn’t only got them to clean the place up. One day when I thought she was at the TV studios she’d done a commando raid on John Lewis and Waitrose. Obviously, she hadn’t been able to replicate what I’d lost, but she’d done a bloody good job of finding acceptable replacements. You know that theory the quantum physicists have about multiple universes? Well, when I finally walked back through my front door, it was as if I’d walked into a parallel version of my house. It felt the same, but there were lots of subtle differences. It was very weird. It was only when I went upstairs that I really noticed big differences, because of course Scarlett had never been up there. Her guesswork wasn’t bad, though. Even when she’d gone for something very different from what had been there, she’d chosen things I liked. I was so touched.’

There was no arguing with what Scarlett had done. And Vivian imagined that if Pete had found out, it would have driven him crazy. ‘Did Pete know what she’d done?’

‘I don’t know if he realised it was down to Scarlett, but he was obviously keeping tabs on the place. His emails said things like, “You can try to erase the traces of me from the house, but you can’t erase me from your heart. You know you love me, there’s no escape from that. You can put different paintings on the wall, but I’ll still be the face you see when you close your eyes at night.”’ She closed her eyes momentarily and Vivian could see the strain in her face.

‘You read that one way and it’s incredibly romantic,’ Vivian said. ‘Read it another way and it’s oppressive and threatening. I understand why you felt it might be hard to have people take you seriously. Did you pluck up the courage to move back into your house?’

Stephanie picked at the lip of her cardboard cup. ‘I did. And for a couple of weeks, it was OK. I wasn’t going out much because I was transcribing interviews. When I’m in that phase, I’m very focused on what I’m doing. I sit with my headphones on, oblivious to the outside world. I have my groceries delivered so I don’t have to leave the cocoon of the client’s voice. It’s total immersion.’ Her face relaxed into a smile and Vivian caught a glimpse of how Stephanie must seem when her life was not infested with fear and anxiety. ‘It makes it easier to catch the flavour of their voices when I come to write the book itself. During that period, Pete could have been sitting on my garden wall for hours at a time and I would have been blissfully unaware, sitting up in my little office under the eaves.’

‘Do you think he was?’

The stressed and worried woman was back. ‘Probably,’ she sighed. ‘Well, maybe not sitting on the wall, but certainly driving past several times a day, parking where he could see my house, walking up and down the street. Because those were the things he was doing when I became more aware of my surroundings after I’d finished doing the transcripts. It seemed as though every time I looked out of the window, he was there. Or his car was parked outside the house. I tried hard not to let him stop me going about my normal business. But it was almost impossible. When I left the house, he would fall into step beside me and speak to me. I ignored him but he wouldn’t give up. If I caught the bus or the tube, he was there across the aisle or strap-hanging further down the carriage. One time he even tried to get into a cab with me. I practically had to slam the door shut on his fingers to get him to back off. But that wasn’t the worst. There was one other occasion that really freaked me out.’

‘What happened?’

Stephanie shuddered. ‘You’re going to read more into it than there was. It was me he was trying to get to, not Jimmy.’

‘What happened, Stephanie?’ Now Vivian was warm, slipping effortlessly into woman-to-woman mode to extract more from Stephanie.

‘Scarlett had brought Jimmy into town with her. They’d been to the Natural History Museum to see the dinosaurs, then I met up with them in Regent’s Park. Jimmy was letting off steam in the kids’ playground while we sat on a bench chatting. We had half an eye on Jimmy, the way you do. And we both realised at the same moment that there was a man over by the slide who was having much too much to do with Jimmy. I’d kind of registered the guy and thought he was with a couple of other boys, so I hadn’t really paid attention. But then he turned round and I recognised Pete. With his hair cut short. Looking really different. But clearly Pete.’

‘That must have been horrible. What did you do?’

‘We took off like raging banshees, me and Scarlett. But he only smiled and walked away. Briskly, but nothing that would look suspicious to anyone else. It was as if he’d flicked us the bird. Saying, “I can find you wherever and whenever I want.” It really unnerved me.’