Val McDermid - The Vanishing Point

I was eager to get back to Scarlett. I had no idea what I might tease out of her but I had a feeling that what lay beneath might animate the superficial story itself, making it a better read.

This time, when I pulled into the hacienda there was no room in the garage. The convertible had been joined by a jacked-up black Golf with a full body kit, gold trim and tinted windows. It had to be Joshu’s wheels. Anybody else would have been too embarrassed to be seen behind that bling on wheels. Next to it was a discreet silver BMW 5-series.

I didn’t have to wonder about the Beemer’s owner for long. When I walked into the kitchen, Scarlett, Joshu and George were standing at three points of a triangle, every one of them posturing like an illustration for a kinesics seminar. Scarlett had her arms folded tight across her chest in a defiant statement I was growing all too familiar with; Joshu, charmless in bed hair, boxers and an Arsenal T-shirt, had his head thrust forward and his hands on his hips; while George leaned languid against the range, right hand cupping his left elbow, left hand tickling the air.

They barely glanced at me as I entered. ‘It makes sense whichever way you look at it,’ George said. ‘Surely you must see that?’

‘Not the way I look at it,’ Joshu muttered mutinously. ‘What about my image, man?’

‘You’re already spoken for, in the eyes of your public, Joshu,’ George said. ‘It’s not as if your relationship with Scarlett is a state secret.’ He dipped his head towards me and, without breaking stride, added, ‘Good morning, Stephanie. How lovely to see you.’

‘Just because everybody knows she is my woman doesn’t mean I is not my own man, like. And what you is proposin’ is like a shackle to me.’

In spite of Joshu’s mangling of the English language, a little sense was starting to emerge. I gave George my best Lady Bracknell. ‘You’re suggesting they get married?’

‘Call me old-fashioned, but she is having his baby.’ George unfolded his arms and made for the coffee machine. Scarlett opened the cupboard and threw the bag of capsules down in front of him. Dangerously close to ‘at’ him.

‘We’re having a baby together,’ Scarlett corrected him. ‘And I don’t see any need to be married for that to happen.’

‘Yeah. We don’t need a piece of paper from the man.’ Joshu scratched his balls. I think he was going for nonchalant.

‘I appreciate that.’ George turned to me. ‘Coffee, Stephanie?’

‘Please. I think I had the purple one yesterday.’

‘Good choice. Joshu, I’m not suggesting for a moment that you need a marriage licence to legitimise your relationship with Scarlett. The paparazzi seem to have obviated that necessity, frankly. What I am suggesting is that a wedding would be a marvellously profitable enterprise in the not too distant future.’

‘Say again?’ Joshu cleaned his ear with his fingernail then chewed off the residue.

‘What he’s saying is we can turn it into a nice little earner,’ Scarlett said. ‘Am I right, Georgie?’

He smiled. ‘In a nutshell, my dear. Think of it as a business proposition. We’ll make a TV documentary, get some designer to do the clothes and some hotel to do the catering. We’ll flog the exclusive to Yes! and we’ll bring out a new fragrance for the ceremony. Stephanie, remind me, when’s the book due to be published?’

‘A month before the baby’s due.’

‘Perfect. Then that’s when we’ll do it.’ George beamed around the room as he handed me my coffee. ‘It’ll put thousands on the book sale.’

‘What? So I can look like a bloody beached whale in my wedding photos?’ Indignation had brought a flush to Scarlett’s cheeks.

‘Darling, we’ll get the best designer to do the frock,’ George said. ‘You’ll look bloody gorgeous – nobody will notice your bump.’

Joshu sniggered. ‘It’s not a designer you’re gonna need, it’s a brick wall for her to stand behind.’

‘Shut it, you,’ Scarlett snarled. ‘If it wasn’t for me, nobody would be interested in buying up your wedding.’

‘If it wasn’t for you, nobody would be talking about me having a fucking wedding except my aunties.’

The conversation was depressing the hell out of me. It’s not that I’m a great believer in the institution of marriage. But one thing I do believe is that love should have something to do with it. For as long as I’d been in the room, nobody had mentioned love or affection. They’d only talked about the baby as a cog in the business wheel. You didn’t have to be clairvoyant to know that, if this marriage happened, they’d be lucky to make their paper anniversary.

‘Think of it as the final public rehabilitation,’ George said.

‘Nobody can accuse you of being racist if you’re marrying Joshu.’

‘Oh, so I is the token black man in my own marriage, is that it?’

For once, I was with Joshu.

‘Shut up,’ Scarlett said again. ‘I got nothing to prove on that score, Georgie. If I do marry this twat, it won’t be to save my skin from the bleating lefties. What you said about making a big deal out of it – you think that’ll work? You think we’ll get it all paid for, and an earner too?’

‘I’m absolutely certain,’ George said. ‘I’ve sounded out a couple of people already and believe me, the market is definitely there. Stephanie, tell her how getting the headlines can impact on a book’s sales.’

I gave George a quick glance that should have told him how little I appreciated being dragged into this sordid arrangement. ‘He’s right,’ I admitted. ‘Being in the news will take the sales to a different level. It reminds people of who you are and why they should be interested in you. It’s like doubling or trebling your advertising budget.’

‘See, Joshu?’ Scarlett crossed the room and put her arms round him. ‘We should do it. We’re not going to be headlines forever, babe—’

‘You speak for yourself,’ he grumbled.

She pulled away. ‘OK, then. I’m not going to be headlines forever, so I need to make my pile while I can. And don’t be kidding yourself, Joshu. This isn’t the wedding I was dreaming of. A little bit of romance would have been nice. But I gotta take my chances when they come up. If we can really make ourselves some serious cash here, we should do it. It’s not going to change anything between us.’

‘And you can have a pre-nup drawn up, if you’re worried about losing out should things not go the way you hope,’ George chimed in. ‘Really, Joshu, there’s no downside to this.’

‘Not for you, maybe. But my family’s never going to speak to me again.’

‘You hate your family,’ Scarlett said. She leaned into him and rubbed the tip of her nose against his. ‘And who else would have you, anyway?’

‘I could have my pick,’ he said. But his heart wasn’t in it. He grabbed her buttocks and hauled her close. ‘Aw, fuck it, why not? OK, George, we’ll do it. Sort out all the arrangements, but you better make sure we got an A-list guest list and all the expenses covered. I don’t want to be shelling out for no wedding.’

George beamed. ‘I knew you’d see sense.’

I tried not to gag. ‘There’s just one thing,’ I said. They all looked at me expectantly. ‘You need to come up with a romantic proposal story for the media. Because it’s supposed to be the groom who makes the proposal, not your agent.’

For the first time, they were all lost for words.

Trust is the keystone of being an effective ghost. You’ve got a very small window of opportunity to build a bridge. I’ve heard some ghosts say it doesn’t matter whether the clients like you, it’s whether they think you can deliver. But I don’t agree. I think you need to make them think you’re friends.