Edward Marston - The Trip to Jerusalem

Reason would be useless with the gypsies and the parish constable would stand no chance against a band of muscular men who could fight like fury. Nicholas had to take the lad by force while surprise was still on his side. Waiting until the dance came to an end, he let the apprentice take his applause then leapt at him from behind and threw an arm around him. In his other hand was his sword, brandished with enough purpose to keep them all at bay as he backed away towards his horse.

'Come, Dick, we'll be gone from here!'

But the boy did not seem too eager to leave. Sinking his teeth into Nicholas's arm, he prised himself free then turned on his captor to abuse him in a torrent of Romany.

The book holder was totally nonplussed.

It was not Richard Honeydew at all.

Westfield's Men were in despondent mood as they set out for Nottingham. Having been battered by Fate enough times already on tour, they were now knocked flat by one vicious punch. The disappearance of Richard Honeydew was a real disaster. He was a crucial figure in every performance. Though there was still some vestigial resentment on their part, the other apprentices had come to accept that the youngest of their number was also the cleverest. He took all the juvenile female leads and relegated them to the less attractive roles of ageing Countesses and comic serving wenches, of daunting Amazons and vapid lovers. Honeydew had another string to his bow. He was the most melodious boy soprano and songs were now written for him in almost every play. Without him, discord followed.

'Rest on my shoulder, Mistress.'

'It is my dearest wish, sir.'

'We'll travel side by side.'

'Like two oxen yoked together.'

'We'll pull in the same direction, I warrant.'

Mistress Susan Becket laughed at his sexual quibble then swung herself up into the saddle of her horse, using the solid shoulder of Lawrence Firethorn as a lever. He had been delighted when she offered to accompany them to Nottingham to watch their performance, not least because she brought a horse of her own and a second for his personal use from her stable. Leaving the tavern in the capable hands of her employees, Susan Becket rode off with the company and was an eye-catching figure on her white mare, a woman of substance in every sense, gracious yet sensual, lifting the morale of the players by her very presence and allowing Firethorn himself to indulge his fantasies at will.

She was nor, however, welcomed by all the company.

'You wonder that the horse can carry her, sir!'

'She is indeed plump, Master Gill, but well-favoured.'

'And she were courteous into the bargain, Mistress Becket would put on the saddle and carry the horse.'

'That is unkind, sir.'

'Only to the white mare.'

'Has Master Firethorn known her for long?'

'An hour at a time.'

'They are old bedfellows, then?'

'Bedfellowship was their invention.'

Barnaby Gill was riding beside the waggon which was now being driven by Christopher Millfield. The other sharers and the apprentices were seated among the baggage but the hired men were forced to trudge in the rear. It was a hot day with no wind to cool the fevered brow. Gill used the occasion to unleash some tart misogyny.

'She is the very epitome of her sex, is she not?'

'Mistress Becket?'

'She'll prove a shrewd archbishop to his majesty there beside her. Though we ride to York, she'll take him on a pilgrimage to Canterbury this night and show him all her sacred relics. When Master Firethorn plunges into her baptismal font, he'll sink to his armpits in the swill of her passion and will have to pray to the holy blissful martyr to haul him out again!'

'You do not like the lady,' said Millfield drily.

'Not this, nor any other of her kind.'

'Your reasoning, Master Gill?'

'Women have no place beside players.'

'Not even underneath them?'

'They are vile distractions, sir.'

'Would you not keep them for ornament?'

'Only in a privy for that's their natural region.'

'You are harsh, Master.'

'Can any sane man truly love women?'

Christopher Millfield laughed by way of reply. He liked Barnaby Gill and had learned much from watching the comedian in action on the stage, but he could not share his disgust with womanhood. Millfield aroused feminine interest wherever he went and he basked in it, viewing it as one of the few legitimate spoils of war for an actor.

Gill looked across at the handsome profile.

'May I put a question to you, sir?'

'Do not hesitate.'

'How came it that you knew Pomeroy V nor?'

'I knew but of it, Master Gill.'

'By what means?'

'The Admiral's Men.'

'Untalented rascals!'

'They had not your quality, 'tis true,' said the other tactfully, 'but they were able enough. And they knew where to earn the next meal when we were in the country. One of their number kept a list in his mind of every house in England where players were welcome.'

'That list was not too long to memorize,' said Gill ruefully. 'Far more doors are slammed in our faces than ever open to our entertainment.'

'Even so, sir. That is why I took some pains to con the list myself. Master Neville Pomeroy was on it along with others in the county of Hertfordshire.'

'And this friend of his in York?'

'Sir Clarence Marmion was also on that list. I think the Admiral's Men did play there during the last outbreak of the pestilence. But there are other houses where we may look for friendship, both here in this county and in Yorkshire itself.'

'We'll try your list some more.'

Gill's attention was diverted by a sight which made his nose wrinkle with distaste. Lawrence Firethorn burst into ribald laughter and leaned over to squeeze the shoulders of the mirthful Susan Becket. Their joviality set them apart from Westfield's Men who were still worrying about the kidnap of Richard Honeydew and the effect it would have on the standard of their work.

'Look at them!' snorted Gill.

'Like turtle doves,' said Millfield tolerantly.

'Pigs in a trough, sir! When they have finished gobbling their own discourse, they will roll together in the slime and he will tickle the teats of that old sow.'

'Mistress Becket is neither so low nor beastly.'

'She is a monster. Put her on the stage and you would need three boys to play her, stuffed together in the one dress like rabbits in a sack. While Martin Yeo would personate her, John Tallis would serve in the office of one buttock and Stephen Judd t'other. It is a pity that Dick Honeydew is not here or he could take on the role of her left breast and wear that gross beauty spot.'

'For shame, Master Gill!'

'I speak but as I feel.'

'Her tavern gave us good food and rest.'

'So would any other where we paid.'

'I like the lady.'

'I took you for a man of finer taste.'

Millfield looked at Firethorn and his companion.

'She keeps him much amused.'

'Any woman can do that.'

'Does his wife raise no objection?'

'A hundred by the minute, sir, but she is back in Shoreditch and he is here. Were Margery to view this scene before us, she would pluck off his stones and wear them as earrings to ward off any other women. Alas, she is not here. She defends his castle in London.'

'Stoutly?'

'As any army under siege. I pity the man who tries to take her fortress, Master Millfield. Though he bring the biggest battering ram in Christendom, it will not suffice. Margery will drown him in boiling oil.'

'Out, you rogue! Away, you rascal, you hedge-bird, you pannier-man's whelp! Do not wave your paltry reckoning at me, you pimp, you dog's-head, you trendle-tail! Marry, look off, sir! Go, snuff after some other prey! Poxed already you are, I can tell by that sheep-biting face, and I hope to see you plagued one day, you snotty nose!'