Conrad Williams - Decay Inevitable

Traffic weaved around him. Under the bridge, the Mersey was sacrament-black. He watched it coursing thickly away, wondering idly how many bodies had been cast into it over the years.

“Hi.”

Emma was still a little drunk. Her face was bleached by the flares of sodium and neon, her lips slashes of grey. She was wearing a V-neck sweater and a pair of cargo pants. The tip of her nose was moist.

“Let’s go and find us a coffee,” said Sean.

They walked up Bridge Street to the town centre. People were flooding through it in various stages of inebriation. One of the big chain pizza restaurants was still open and the waitress wasn’t bothered that they didn’t want to order any food. By the time their coffees arrived, the town centre was emptying and Emma’s eyes were having trouble focusing.

Sean said, “You been at anything other than the bottle tonight?”

Emma giggled. “A little draw, that’s all.”

“Sounds like you spoilt a perfect evening to be with me.”

“Icing on the cake, Sean.” She reached out a hand to pat one of his. “You remember Gill Chancellor?”

Sean nodded. He had had an awful feeling that this meeting might deteriorate into some maudlin retrospective, but now that it was happening, he didn’t mind all that much. “She used to be good at athletics, didn’t she? High jump.”

Emma started laughing uncontrollably. “Any kind of jump, more like. She turned into a right old bike.”

“Why do you mention her?”

“She used to fancy you. But you never noticed.”

Sean sipped his coffee. It was surprisingly good. “You should have told me.”

“I might have done, but you were traipsing after some other girl all the time. It was funny. You looked like you were being led around on an invisible leash. We’d see this girl, Naomi, and we’d look at each other and say something like, ‘Three seconds,’ and three seconds later, you’d walk by. You were like one of those Bisto kids.” Emma cracked up again, but the laughter was a little less shrill. The coffee was helping.

Sean finished his cup and sat back. He didn’t feel ready to talk to Emma about Naomi, but it felt as though the shape of the evening was being taken out of his hands. Emma was moulding the substance of their night together. She kept flashing him glimpses of it, and though he couldn’t recognise what she was aiming for, gradually form was emerging, to the extent that, by the time they had paid the bill and returned to the street, the reason for her need to see him had become clear.

“Naomi was killed, not that long ago,” she said. “I just wanted to tell you that. I know you were close to her once.”

Sean put his arms around her and started to laugh.

“Cry all you like, poor thing. You poor, poor thing.”

“I’m not crying,” Sean tried to say, but now he could see that she was right. He was crying. He was crying as though his life depended upon it.

They went back to Emma’s flat. She drew him a hot bath that smelled of vanilla. While he was soaking, she entered the bathroom and handed him a Bloody Mary. Then she sat on the toilet, unashamedly gazing at his body in the water while she rolled a joint on the back of a fashion magazine. It felt like the most natural thing in the world. After a short while, she unshowily began to undress, dropping her clothes in a pile. Then she lit the joint and got into the bath with him.

“You don’t mind, do you?” she asked, when the water had settled.

THEY LAY IN bed together, but they did not make love. Sean sensed a bruise in Emma’s life somewhat like his own. Fresh, painful and discolouring everything that made her who she was. Perhaps her impingement on him was a way in which she could begin to help the bruise heal. Her voice was too tiny, too innocent for the words it contained. “I think,” she said. “I think I’ll go back to work tomorrow.”

“What do you mean, work ?”

“You know.”

Moonlight made a slow swerve across the white walls of her bedroom. The deep, resonant tick of a grandmother clock climbed the stairs to him from the hallway. He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and in sleep she burrowed closer into the warmth of his body. He felt a breast spread languidly across his ribcage. Her heartbeat was rapid and fluttery. He wondered if she was feigning sleep; it didn’t matter.

Into the dark, he talked about what he had found that day in London. Whether Emma was asleep or not, by the time he had finished talking, his shoulder was wet where her face met it. She never asked him about Naomi again and he never offered any more information about her. But over the coming weeks, they would both learn more about Naomi than they could ever have hoped, or feared, to discover.

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN: DOOM LOOP

IT MUST HAVE been the dust from the explosions causing the riot of colours as the sun fell towards the Derbyshire hills. Mist layered the fields surrounding the shattered motorway, thickening by the minute. For miles, the ribbon of road sported knots of destruction where bombs had detonated. Carrying Elisabeth had protected him against the cold, but now he saw how Sadie was walking with her arms crossed, her jaw set rigidly. It would be night soon and the temperature would plummet.

They had travelled perhaps three or four miles, that was all. Will was exhausted. Twice he had had to stop to make repairs to the stretcher. It would not hold up to much more of a battering. But maybe it wouldn’t have to. Elisabeth was regaining some of her colour and had woken up a few times, the first in order to be violently sick. Hopefully, if she rallied quickly, they would be able to improve their progress.

“Can we stop?” Sadie asked.

“That’s just what I was thinking,” said Will.

A church spire was visible above a clutch of trees, about a third of a mile to the east of the motorway. Will set off for it. As they moved into the canopy’s shade, a thick burring noise reached to them from above. Three stubby aircraft with squared-off wings scooted low over the motorway, picking at its ruined length, and the areas around it, with powerful searchlights.

Sadie said, “Do you think they’re investigating the explosions?”

Will nodded. “I should think so.”

They watched the aircraft until their fuselages were no longer visible, just the fingers of light prodding at the remains of the road. He was sure that the aircraft were searching for him. If that was so, then the villages they came across might also be patrolled. He didn’t share this suspicion with Sadie, mainly because he didn’t want to alarm her, but also because he hoped his paranoia was misplaced. Sadie didn’t argue when he suggested they stay in the church for the evening; maybe she had reasons of her own to keep a low profile.

It was dark by the time they entered the churchyard. The building was not difficult to break into. The mustiness, and the creaking of the pews, as if they were in constant use, was a relaxing sound. A small electric fire in the apse helped them to stave off the cold as it built up around the stone walls. A little after midnight, a keen wind caroming around the stones outside, Will fell into a deep sleep.

SHE WAS JUST like Catriona, in a way, but the muscles in her buttocks and thighs were more defined, her breasts tighter, almost arrogantly proud. She came to him and slid her tongue between his lips before he had a chance to protest. But if he had, he didn’t really believe that it would be himself protesting. Rather a shade, a projection of himself. The man he ought to be. Christ, the way she moved against him. Her prodigious wetness. Her heat. His cock was embedded inside her before he was fully awake. But he couldn’t rise completely from sleep. It was as if the rhythms of her fucking him contained in them some kind of soporific power, an anaesthetic. He wasn’t even sure this was really happening. Some dream... She rode him for a few minutes, her hands in her hair, her breasts gleaming with sweat. She didn’t take her eyes from his once, even when she came, even when, a few seconds later, he came too, stuffing his knuckles into his mouth so that he wouldn’t wake Elisabeth, if she were yet capable of consciousness. Sadie slid from him, and crawled over to her corner to sleep. Or at least, he believed she did, for as soon as the rioting in his loins had ceased, he was out of it.