Nora Roberts - Times Change

“Of course.”

“If I could stay . . . There’s nothing there that means as much to me as what I’ve found with you. You have to believe that.”

She struggled to remain calm while her world silently fell apart. “I believe that you love me.”

“I do. But if I don’t go back, if I don’t give them that much, I could never live with myself.”

She turned away, because she understood too well. “Once, when I was nine or ten, I wandered off. We were at the cabin for the summer and I wanted to explore. I thought I knew the forest so well. But I got lost. I spent a night under a tree. When Mom and Dad found me the next afternoon they were frantic. I’ve never seen my father cry, not like that.”

“Then you know why I can’t just turn my back on them.”

“Yes, of course.” She managed to smile as she faced him. “I’m sorry I caused such a scene before.”

“Don’t.”

“No, really, I am. I didn’t have any right to say the things I said.” But, try as she might, she couldn’t apologize for decking him. “I can’t begin to understand what it must have been like for you all these weeks. Trying to fit in and bide your time until Cal came back.”

“It wasn’t so hard. I had you.”

“Yes.” She lifted a hand to his cheek, let it fall away. “I’m glad you did. I want you to know that.”

“Sunny—”

“So when do you go?” Deliberately she moved out of reach. If he touched her, however gently, she might shatter.

“Tomorrow.”

She had to lock her knees to keep them from buckling. “So soon?”

“I thought it best, for everyone.”

She wondered that her smile didn’t crack her face. “I’m sure you’re right. But you’ll want to spend a little more time with Cal. You’ve come a long way.”

“I’ll talk to him in the morning. And to Libby,” he added. “I want to set things right with her.”

Now the smile came more easily. “They’re good for each other. You see that, don’t you?”

“I’d have to be blind not to.”

“Science and logic aside, sometimes emotions are the most accurate equations.” Feeling stronger, she held out her hand. “I’d like to stay the night, here with you.”

He brought her close, struggling not to crush her against him. “I’ll come back.” When she shook her head, he pulled her away. The passion was in his eyes again, and the anger. “I will. I swear it. I need a little more time, to test. I managed to work it out this far in only two years. With another two, I can make it smoother, until it’s as basic as a shuttle to Mars.”

“A shuttle to Mars,” she repeated.

“Just trust me,” he told her, drawing her back. “When I work it all out we’ll have more time together.”

“More time,” she murmured, and shut her eyes.

Chapter 12

She left before he awakened. It seemed the best way. She hadn’t slept at all. She had lain awake during the night trying to find the best way.

He had put music on, something dreamy and beautiful by a composer she hadn’t heard of. Because he had yet to be born. He had adjusted the lights so that the cabin had been washed with simulated moonbeams.

To add romance. She understood that now, loved him for it. He had wanted to give her everything it was possible for him to give her on that last night. And he had given her everything but what she wanted most. A future.

It occurred to her as she thought over the twist her life had taken that up until this point all her decisions had been black-and-white. A choice was either right or wrong. But this time, this most important time, there were dozens of shades in between.

She drove back to the cabin slowly. How could she have said goodbye again? Some pains could not be endured a second time. Sunny could only hope he would understand what she was doing. She hoped she understood it.

She parked in back of the cabin and sat for a little while, studying the way the glaze of ice on the tree limbs glittered in the morning sun. Listening to the sound, the sound of almost perfect silence. Tasting the hint of coming snow in the air.

Slowly, fighting back the grief, she walked to the cabin and entered the kitchen quietly.

Libby had left a light in the window. The sight of the old kerosene lamp burning dully in the morning light brought the hateful tears to her eyes again. She swallowed them, then sat at the table to run her fingers over the wood as Jacob had only weeks before.

“You’re up early.”

Sunny lifted her eyes and met her sister’s. “Hi.” Her lips curved. “Mom.”

Instinctively Libby laid a hand on her stomach. “Jacob told you. I wanted to.”

“Great news is great news whatever the source.” She rose to gather her sister close. There was joy here, and she clung to it. “No morning sickness?”

“No. I’ve never felt better.”

“Cal better be spoiling you.”

“Rotten.” Libby drew back to brush at Sunny’s fringe of bangs. Her sister’s eyes were shadowed and sad. “How are you?”

“I’m okay.” Because her legs felt unsteady again, she turned back to sit at the table. “I’m sorry I ran out the way I did.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Libby was dressed in a baggy sweater and cords, her favored outfit for the mountains. Studying her, Sunny thought her sister had never been, more beautiful. She wondered if she would ever carry a child, feel that love growing inside her.

“I flattened him.”

“Good,” Libby said, with a nod of approval. Movements automatic, she filled the teakettle with water, then set it on the burner. “Want some breakfast?”

“Later, maybe.”

“Sunny, I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Sunny reached behind her to close a hand over the one Libby had laid on her shoulder. “Really, it’s all right.”

“You really love him.”

“Yes, I love him.”

Wishing she could find a way to grant her sister the happiness she felt herself, Libby rested a cheek on Sunny’s hair. “Cal says J.T.’s planning to do some more work on the equations for the time travel. To hone it down, to make it safer, and more practical, if that word can apply.”

“Yes, he told me.”

“He’s brilliant, Sunny. Really brilliant. It’s not just Cal’s bragging. I read the rest of his file. And the fact that he was able to make this trip after only two years of work is proof of it. Once he finishes his testing, he’ll come back.”

“I hope he can.” She closed her eyes. “I really hope he can.” Then, with a laugh, she buried her face in her hands. “Listen to us. We’re here talking about all of this as if it were the most natural thing in the world. I must still be in shock.”

“After more than a year, I still wake up some mornings wondering if I imagined it all.”

“But you have Cal,” Sunny murmured, letting her hands fall into her lap. “He’s right there to prove it’s real.”

“Sunny, if I—” She broke off when Cal walked into the room. She lifted her shoulders, let them fall. “Is there anything I can do?”

“No. I’m handling it, I promise you that.”

“I’m going to get some fresh air,” Libby announced. “Cal, take care of the tea, will you?”

A look passed between them. “Sure.”

Sunny knew them both well enough to understand that they’d planned this little bit of business so that Cal could speak to her alone.

“What do you want?” he asked when Libby had shut the door behind her. “Froot Loops or burnt toast?”

“J.T. fixed the toaster.”

“Oh yeah?” He gave it a casual glance. “He’s always liked to fiddle with things.” The kettle began to boil, giving him another moment to think through what he wanted to say. “Sunny . . . I think we’ll get snow before nightfall.”