Michelle Styles - The Gladiator's Honor

In unison with the others, Valens brought his hand to his chest. He looked towards the patron's box, resplendent in bright rich purple. The cost of the cloth alone would feed an army for six weeks. Standing behind Caesar was Julius Antonius. And next to him stood his own father. Valens tightened his jaw and stood up straighter as their eyes met. Then Valens concentrated his entire being on the tall slim man with greying hair who had brought about this entire spectacle.

'Hail, Caesar! We who are about to die salute you!'

The crowd erupted.

Caesar raised his right hand, acknowledging the salute and the cheers. 'I, Julius Caesar, Aedile of Rome, acknowledge you. Let the games in honour of my father's death begin!'

Then Valens walked back towards the gladiators' holding pen. Just before he left the arena, he bent down and let the sand dribble through his fingers. 'Fortunata, be with me now in the hour of my greatest need,' he prayed.

Valens took a deep breath and once again tried to make out Julia, but without success. As he stepped into the pen, he undid his sandals and left them placed neatly against the wooden wall. His time as man was over. His time as a god was over. His time as fighter was about to begin.

Julia watched the mock fights with growing apprehension. The weapons were only made of wood, but already she had seen one fighter dragged off by the guards after he had fallen. She heard the crowds, growing ever louder, baying for blood.

'What comes next?' she asked Claudia as the parts of the crowd started to stand up and move around.

'The beast fights come next. It is after that the real action begins.'

Julia's stomach churned. She found it impossible to imagine anything less appetising—watching condemned murderers and other enemies of the state being torn apart by lions and tigers.

'I think I will have a wander about and see what the latest betting is.' Without waiting for a reply, she stood up and made her way to the exit. Once there she took great gulps of fresh air before climbing down the steps.

On the concourse, people milled around, chatting about the fights and the likely pairings, placing bets and happily munching food. One man belched and rubbed his fat stomach as he proclaimed to his companion about the chances of Aquilia beating Valens. Julia clenched her fists and hurried her footsteps past.

On her right two security guards, their tunics emblazoned with Strabo's lion badge, stood guard. Julia hesitated, torn about what she should do, then common sense reasserted itself. She knew if she went in there, she'd be proclaiming to Rome, to all the world, where her allegiance lay. Valens had refused to allow her to make her decision, a decision she had no desire to make.

Everywhere she heard conversations about gladiators, comparing them as if they were things, not people with feelings.

'Julia Antonia, you are the last person I expected to see here.'

Julia spun around and met the warm gaze of Senator Gracchus.

'You as well, senator. I thought you had little love for the games.'

'I wanted to see what young Caesar was up to.'

The brooch cut into the side of Julia's neck and she thought of Valens's words, how she was supposed to take it to Gracchus should Valens die. She swallowed hard. Her hand closed around it. Then she stopped and forced her fingers to release it. Until the time came, she had to be brave. She had to respect Valens's wishes. 'Is that the only reason you are here?'

The senator's face turned grave. He laid a hand on her shoulder. 'Child, we both know why I am here. There are many sins I have committed in my life, but none so grievous as that one. He is my son, my own flesh and blood.'

Julia looked at the cobblestones. 'He insisted that he fight.'

Gracchus did not bother to pretend. 'He would. He is stubborn like his father.'

Julia tried for a smile, but her lips refused to curve upwards. 'He's a survivor,' she said with greater conviction in her voice than she felt in her heart.

'I hope with all my heart, child. I greatly wronged him the other day. I was angry that he had not contacted me. He had chosen to fight. In five years, he must have had opportunity after opportunity to come to see me.'

'He is proud. He did not want to face you as an infamis .'

'He gets that from his father, too.'

A blare of trumpets sounded and the crowd started to head back into the arena. Julia's heart leapt to her mouth.

'They are about to draw the pairings for this afternoon's fights. Would you like to join me in Caesar's box? Your father and stepmother are there already.'

Julia hesitated. She couldn't sit there in that box with all eyes on her, pretending she had no interest in the outcome.

She shook her head.

'I have another seat,' she said.

'You've missed the pair draw,' Claudia remarked as Julia reached them. 'The first bout is about to begin.'

'Who is it between?' Julia forced the words from her mouth.

'Tigris and Hylas,' Poppea answered without looking at her.

Julia sank down on the bench. Her legs refusing to hold her upright.

'Do you know who Valens is paired with?' she whispered.

Claudia leant over and patted her hand. 'Aquilia,' she said simply. 'They are the last bout of the afternoon. If I didn't know better, I would say the ballot was rigged.'

Nausea rose in Julia's stomach. She had no idea how she would last. She glanced over to the area where Maia and her children and knew what they must be going through.

The trumpets sounded again. This time solemn and mournful. Then the match began. Julia could barely keep up with the flashes of swords and clanging of shields. Despite her nerves, she found herself yelling with the rest of them.

Suddenly the crowd gave a collective sigh as Tigris's sword fell again, striking the other gladiator fully in the chest. The gladiator raised his finger and the crowd started to chant, ' Habet, hoc habet . He's had it.'

At a sign from Caesar, the crowd rose as one and started cheering.

Julia gripped Claudia's arm. 'What happening?'

'Tigris has won!' Claudia turned to her, her face glowing with admiration and pride. 'I can't believe it. That was an absolutely brilliant performance. Caesar has awarded him the rudius .' She clapped her hands and cheered. 'Oh, bravo. Well done! Marvellous fighting!'

'Tigris has done what?' Julia asked, straining to hear Claudia above the cheers.

'He's won his freedom! It was an absolutely stunning performance and to happen on the first match as well. He will never have to fight again!'

'You are lucky, Julia,' Poppea said. 'I had to wait for seven whole games before I ever saw a rudius being awarded.'

Julia's heart pounded in her ears.

'Do you think this will be the only rudius to be awarded this afternoon?'

Poppea gave a short laugh. 'I know Crassus is bankrolling Caesar, but even he does not have that type of money to release two gladiators in one games. Very doubtful, if not to say impossible.'

The others around them murmured their agreement.

Julia sat down and put her head in her hands. Her world had crumbled before Valens had even stepped into the ring. She hadn't realised until that instant how much she had been counting on him winning the rudius and becoming free. It was her secret fantasy and had sustained her throughout the night. Nothing had mattered much because Valens was bound to win the rudius and be covered in honour. Now, that dream lay in the dust.

She looked across to the box where her father sat cheering with the rest of them as Caesar presented the wooden sword to Tigris and crowned his head with palm leaves.

She had to make a choice. Sitting there, patiently waiting for the outcome, was no longer a choice. She drew out the ticket Maia had given her then stood up and started to walk away.