Michelle Styles - The Gladiator's Honor

'Clodius, I want you to get me a runner.' Her father's brusque voice cut across Julia's thoughts, making her start. She had forgotten he was there.

Julia felt her cheeks begin to burn. She abruptly sat down and covered her face with her thin mantle, pretending to be overcome once more. She clenched her fist, hoping that her father had not noticed what had just passed between Valens and her.

She risked a glance upwards. Her father's impassive face gave no clues.

'I want that runner now, Clodius,' her father's voice commanded. Grumbling, Clodius left the room. He continued in the same tone of voice. 'And now I would like to know what I am supposed to do about all this?'

'What do you mean all this, Father?' Julia asked, holding her palms upwards. 'Surely it is obvious that you must file suit against Lucius and prevent him from attacking me again.'

Her father waved an impatient hand. 'That is immaterial to what I am talking about, Julia. I want to know what I am supposed to do about you two and your affair. There will be no hushing up the scandal this time. All Rome will know and they will realise that it has been going on for a while.'

Julia's heart stopped. He knew! She glanced up into her father's hard, grizzled face. There was no merriment or sentiment in his countenance.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Valens stand and move closer to her. She only had to reach out her hand to brush his. She tightened her grip until her knuckles shone white against each other.

'Father, you are jumping to conclusions.'

Her father's face contorted. 'I am no fool, Julia, please refrain from treating me like one. If I had not known before to-night, Lucius's actions make it abundantly clear what is going on.'

'Julius Antonius—' Valens started to say.

Her father's face grew beet-red before the words exploded from his mouth.

'You be quiet! Look at the trouble you have caused. Sabina was correct. We should never have had an infamis in the house.'

Julia buried her head in her hands. Her father was treating Valens as if he were some object, as if he were a slave. She felt Valens's reassuring touch on her shoulder.

'How long?' she whispered and raised her head to look at her father. "How long have you known?'

'Long enough.' Her father's face softened and he touched Julia's hand. 'I am neither blind nor an imbecile. You have blossomed ever since this gladiator arrived. When he abruptly left, you wilted like a flower starved of sunshine and water.'

Julia tilted her head and looked at her father. The explosive anger appeared to have vanished.

'Blossomed?' she questioned.

'Became more like the way you were as a child. Not jumping at every noise. Back to being my little Julia.'

'I hadn't realised you noticed.' Julia stared at her father in disbelief. She had thought her father never bothered, that she was an encumbrance, a pawn to be used by Sabina; now she discovered he did care.

'I am your father, Julia,' he said quietly and patted her hand. 'I notice you.'

'Then you approve?'

'Approve?' her father roared, his face growing red again. All tenderness vanished as if it had never been. 'No, I most certainly do not approve. How could I approve? He is a gladiator. I could never approve of such a relationship. While you were discreet, I had no reason to interfere.'

Julia stared at her father's forbidding face. He had to understand. She offered up prayers to Venus to intervene. 'But you like him. You said you liked him. You said you liked the way I have been blossoming.'

'If I did not like him, I would have stopped this much sooner, but, like a sentimental fool, I allowed you to keep seeing him. I thought it had all ended when he left the other day, but now I see it has not. And the incident tonight means I shall have to take action.'

Julia tried to ignore the growing pit in her stomach. 'Why has it changed?'

'Lucius obviously came upon you two and reacted with the appropriate rage. He was well within his rights, Julia. A Roman matron consorting in a public street with an infamis . No jury will convict on such evidence. The story will be all over Rome within hours. Our family and our standing in the community will be ruined!'

'What do you intend to do?' Julia stared her father directly in the eye.

Her father reached out a hand, but she brushed it away.

'You will have to make a choice, Julia—either your life with your family or exile.'

Julia's body trembled from rage. Her father had no wish for her future happiness. Her only use to him was a rung in Sabina's pathetic attempts to climb the social ladder.

'I choose—'

'I refuse to let you make that choice, Julia,' Valens said firmly and put Julia's hand in her father's. 'You stay with your family.'

All the feelings of anger, elation and rage disappeared from Julia's body. She drew her hand out of her father's and turned to stare at Valens. Had she mistaken everything? Her lips still ached from his kiss.

'I understand,' she said quietly, summoning her last reserves of dignity. 'I thought we had something, but obviously I was mistaken.'

'Julia, I do have feelings for you, but I know you love your family. And I also know what it is like to lose your family, to become one of the damned.'

'But I—'

'Hear me out, Julia, and you too, Julius Antonius. We could be happy, very happy at first, but there will come a time when regret like a snake grows and coils around your heart, poisoning it with its whispers. You would grow to resent me.'

'I could never resent you!' Julia cried wildly. She had to make him see. 'I care nothing for my life here.'

Valens shook his head. His eyes looked grave.

'You have no idea what your father is asking you, Julia. You will not leave your family, your home, your life because of me. I forbid it. I refuse to let what we have shared become mired in bitterness and resentment.'

'Most impressive, young man,' her father said. 'Spoken like a true Roman.'

Valens made an ironic bow and his eyes warned Julia to keep silent. Julia pressed her fists into her mouth. She wanted to hate Valens for taking away the decision from her, but a little part of her argued he was right. She was not ready for exile.

'Will you give me a little time alone with Julia to say my goodbyes?' Valens asked. 'The games begin in a few hours' time and I wish to bid her farewell.'

'Yes, of course.' Her father turned to go. 'I can give you that much, but no more.'

'Julius Antonius, one other thing before you go… Had I not been a gladiator, what would you have felt about my suit?'

Her father turned with his hand on the doorknob,

'You are an honourable man, Valens, despite your profession. I will answer the question when the time comes, should Julia Antonia still be free. I feel obliged to warn you though— I have had several other offers for her hand. Offers that would advance this family's standing considerably.'

He strode from the room.

Julia looked at Valens. She wanted to weep, but all the tears had long since fled. She felt numb. It was ending here. This was the last time she would see him alone. And he had refused her father's offer to let her go into exile.

Valens drew her into his arms and she felt his lips nuzzle her forehead. At his touch, she looked up.

'You must not weep, Julia,' he said with a tender smile.

'You are about to go out of my life, to fight in the arena. You refused to let me make my decision.' Julia Lifted her chin. She was determined that nothing should show on her face.

Valens reached out and smoothed tendrils of hair off her face. The gesture nearly caused her bottom lip to tremble. She forced her mouth to smile as she tucked her hair behind her ears.

'Your father has not said no. He has said not right now. You must believe in his words.'