Cheryl Bradshaw: Sinnerman

“That’s not what I meant,” she said. “Who knows what this freak knows about you—where you live, where you work.” She put her hand on my shoulder. “Promise me you’ll be careful.”

“He could have found all that information without my public announcement,” I said. “I just sped up the process for him.”

She took a sip of her blue raspberry Slurpee.

“Yep, and that’s a nice target you’ve attached to your backside.”

“I’ll be fine,” I said.

“That note he left you has me all kinds of freaked out,” she said. “Nick is gonna flip when he finds out. Have you heard from him?”

I shook my head.

“I don’t know Maddie. Things with us are, well—not how I thought they were going to be.”

“I’m sorry,” she said.

“What do you have to apologize for?”

“Everything. I feel like I pushed you into moving in together,” she said. “You didn’t think you were ready, and I saw how happy you were or seemed to be and told you to go for it, and now you have, and…”

“You didn’t force me into anything. I’m a big girl, and I made my own decision. I just didn’t know it was going to be like this.”

She took another gulp of her Slurpee except it was just about gone, and all she seemed to suck up through her straw was ten percent Slurpee and a bunch of air. I snatched the cup from her and set it on the ground next to me for safe keeping.

“I’m pretty sure you’re done with this,” I said.

“Can I tell you something?”

“Anything.”

“You seem different now that the two of you are living together.”

“When we moved in he changed,” I said. “Sometimes I feel like I’m living in the movie Far and Away, and he’s just been given the deed to my life and has staked his claim on me like I’m his property and he holds all the rights to it.”

“I’m glad you’re getting it out,” she said. “I’ve wanted to talk to you about it for a while now. The dude’s a total control freak. I used to like him, but now—I don’t like what I see.”

“I know,” I said. “I don’t either.”

“What are you gonna do?”

I shrugged.

“I need some time to think about it,” I said. “And right now, it’s too much for me to deal with. I need to focus on Sinnerman.”

She nodded.

“Listen, not to change the subject, but I wondered if you’d mind if I brought a date tomorrow to dinner?”

“You don’t have to ask my permission,” I said. “Bring whoever you want.”

“Yes, well, about that—”

“Oh don’t tell me you made a date with Taye Diggs in the short amount of time we’ve been here.”

She laughed.

“Not him, but he is someone you know.”

Of the two of us, Maddie was the outspoken one more often than not, but at that moment, her hesitation spoke volumes.

“What’s with all the secrecy?” I said. “Out with it.”

“Okay then, it’s Wade.”

“Wade?”

She swerved her body to the side and bumped her shoulder on mine.

“You know,” she said.

I was confused. Had I missed something? I sat there and tried to think of anyone I’d ever known named Wade. And then it dawned on me.

“Do you mean to say your date is with Chief Wade Sheppard?”

I couldn’t remember the last time anyone around me referred to him by his first name.

“The one and only,” she said.

“Wow, you and the chief. I never would have thought—”

“I know, isn’t it great!”

CHAPTER 9

I woke the next morning and rolled over and tried to make out the numbers that were displayed on the clock that hung over my closet door. It was time to climb out of bed, but all I wanted was to pull the covers over me and return to the depths of my slumber. I should have embraced the day with happiness, but glee was the farthest thing from my mind. It was my birthday, the one day a year to celebrate my existence in the world, but I could never get through it without thinking of Gabby and all the memories we missed out on together because she wasn’t here.

I wondered if other people felt the same way I did after their loved ones died and what I would change if I could go back in time and be with her again if I knew what was to become of her. I would have talked to her more often and not just once a week like we were obligated to form some regular contact because we were sisters. Now I wished I’d spoken to her every day and planned more trips together and let her know how much she meant to me. I should have shouted my love for her from the rooftops, and I was ashamed that I thought about all those things now when I couldn’t do any of it. It didn’t seem right to me that so many people in the world waited too long to express their feelings to their loved ones, and yet that’s exactly what I’d done with Gabby.

After she died I found myself at confession airing out all my regrets to the local priest, even though I hadn’t been to church for years. The priest in all of his infinite wisdom told me I shouldn’t concern myself over such things and said Gabby was in a better place now and she knew how I felt and that one day we would be together again. But would we—how could he be so sure?

Lord Berkeley hopped up on the bottom of the bed and scampered across the blanket until he was about an inch in front of my face. He looked out the window and then at me and made a noise that sounded like he needed some cheese to go along with his whine.

“Alright Boo,” I said, “time to get up.”

I swept him up in my arms and attached his leash and opened the front door. Taye Diggs was hunkered down on one of my lawn chairs with his eyes fixated on the street in front of my house.

“Morning,” I said.

He glanced at me for a second and lifted his chin a few inches but didn’t respond. He was dressed in a different color shirt which meant at some time he must have left and someone else took the shift for the night, but who that was—I couldn’t say. What I did know was that Nick slept on the couch all night and left hours earlier. It was just a matter of time before he ruptured over the note.

I walked Lord Berkeley around the cul-de-sac and my loyal protector hung back about twenty paces behind me. It made me feel a little bit like a celebrity with my own personal bodyguard, and I wondered if I kept going around if he would continue to walk in circles with me. I imagined he would and that it might be fun to test it out, but I decided not to push it.

When Lord Berkeley had his exercise for the morning, I reentered the house and made some breakfast and then leaned my body halfway out the front door and invited Taye inside. He frowned at me like I was out of my mind and shook his head. I returned to the kitchen, grabbed the two plates I’d made up, walked outside and plopped down in the adjoining chair across from him.

“Well,” I said, “if you won’t come in, I guess I’ll come out.”

He looked off to the side at nothing and let out a long exaggerated sigh and then faced me.

“I have a job to do. And all this,” he said and pointed to the food, “it’s a distraction.”

“It’s eggs and toast,” I said. “You have to eat, right?”

I held the plate out to him and wiggled it a few inches from his nostrils in an attempt to rouse his appetite, and for the first time since we’d met, he cracked a smile. It was slight and barely noticeable to the untrained eye, but there nonetheless. It may not have been a mouthful of bright whites, but it was a start.

“I’ll eat this lady, but then you have to go back inside, okay?”

“I can live with that,” I said.

We sat across from one another and ate our food in silence. I was leery about whether I should engage him in a verbal exchange he didn’t want to have so I tried my best to act like it felt natural to sit there and remain mute. After a few minutes in complete silence, I started to crack. Taye managed to shovel gargantuan-sized spoonful’s of eggs into his mouth without the slightest glance toward his plate which fascinated me enough to endure the silence. While he chewed his eyes darted around to the street, the side yard, the bushes and then back to the street again.