Anne Perry - A Christmas Guest

“Oh, dear,” Mrs. Dowson said, shaking her head a little. “I assumed it was no more than another of Agnes’s chills, or whatever it is she has. How stupid of me. One should not assume. This is a deep loss.” Suddenly the tears filled her eyes. “I’m so sorry,” she apologized.

Grandmama did not find it absurd that after forty years Mrs. Dowson should still grieve so keenly. Time does not cloud certain memories. Bright days from youth, laughter and friendship can remain.

But crass as it seemed, it was also an opportunity that she could not afford to ignore. “Did you know her well, before she left to travel abroad?” she asked.

“Oh yes,” Mrs. Dowson smiled. “I knew all the girls then. My husband was a curate, just young in his ministry. Very earnest, you know, as dedicated men can be. I rather think Maude overwhelmed him. She was so fierce in her love for Arthur Harcourt. And of course Arthur was quite the dashing young man-about-town. He was extraordinarily handsome, and he knew it. But he could hardly fail to. If he’d crooked a finger at any of the girls in the south of England they’d have followed him. I might have myself, if I’d thought he meant it. But I was never very pretty, and I was happy enough with Walter. He was genuine. I rather thought Arthur wasn’t.”

“Sincere? Was he simply playing with Maude?”

Suddenly Grandmama’s liking for Arthur Harcourt evaporated as if she had torn the smiling mask off and seen rotten flesh underneath.

“Oh no,” Mrs. Dowson said quickly. “That was where Walter and I disagreed. He thought Arthur loved Bedelia. He called them a perfect match. Something of an idealist, my husband. Thought beauty was bone deep, not just a chance of coloring and half an inch here and there, and of course confidence. Self-belief, you know? Imagine how the map of the world might have been changed if Cleopatra’s nose had been half an inch longer! Then Caesar might not have fallen in love with her, or Mark Anthony either.”

Grandmama was carried along in a hurricane of thought.

“I’m so sorry,” Mrs. Dowson apologized again. “Walter always said my mind was totally undisciplined. I told him that was not so at all, simply that it moved in a different pattern from his. Bedelia Barrington could twist him around her little finger! And half the men in the county, too. Poor Zachary never got over it, which is such a shame. Agnes was the better girl, if only she could have believed that herself!”

Grandmama did not interrupt her. The tea arrived. Mrs. Dowson poured, and passed the mince pie and jam tarts.

“Bedelia thought she was glamorous, Agnes was dull, and Maude was plain and eccentric. Because of her confidence, far too many people believed that she must be right.”

“But she was not …”

“Certainly she was,” Mrs. Dowson contradicted her. “But only because we allowed her to be. Except Maude. She knew Bedelia’s beauty was of no real value. No warmth in it, do you see?”

“But she fell in love with Arthur? So much so that she could not bear it when he came to his senses and married Bedelia after all?” Grandmama deliberately chose her words provocatively.

“I used to think he lost his senses again,” Mrs. Dowson argued. “I was furious with Maude for not fighting for the man she loved. Fancy simply giving up and running away like that! Off to North Africa, and then Egypt and Persia. Riding horses in the desert, and camels too, for all I can say. Lived in tents and gave what was left of her heart to the Persians.”

“She wrote to you!” Grandmama was astonished, and delighted. Maude had had a friend here who had cared for her over the years and kept her in touch with home.

“Of course,” Mrs. Dowson said indignantly. “She never told me why she left, but I came to realize it was a matter of honor, and must not ever be discussed. She did what she believed to be the right thing. But I don’t think that she ever stopped loving Arthur.”

New ideas began to form in Grandmama’s mind. “Mrs. Dowson, do you know why Maude chose to come home now, after so long?” she asked. “Did she have any … any anxieties about her health?”

“Not that she confided in me.” Mrs. Dowson frowned. “She was certainly afraid, a little oppressed by the thought of returning after so long. But the gentleman she had cared for in Persia, and who had loved her, had died. She told me that. It grieved her very much, and it also meant that she had no reason for remaining there anymore. In fact she implied that without his protection it would be unwise for her to do so. I do not know their relationship. I never asked and she never told me, but it was not regular, as you and I would use the term.”

“I see. Was Bedelia aware of this?” Was that the scandal she was afraid might come to Lord Woollard’s ears—even perhaps quite frankly told by Maude, in order to shock? After Bedelia’s coolness over the years, and the fact that it was she Arthur had married, whatever his reason, it would not be unnatural now if Maude had been unable to resist at least preventing her sister from becoming Lady Harcourt. She asked Mrs. Dowson as much.

“She may have been tempted,” Mrs. Dowson replied. “But she would not have done it. Maude never bore a grudge. That was Bedelia.”

“Was Bedelia not very much in love with Arthur, even before Maude returned from caring for her aunt?” Grandmama asked.

“Maude did tell you a great deal, didn’t she?” Mrs. Dowson observed.

Grandmama merely smiled.

“However much Maude had despised Bedelia, she would never have hurt Arthur,” Mrs. Dowson continued. “As I said, she never stopped loving him. And I refer to that emotion that seeks the best for the other, the honor and happiness and inward spiritual journey; not the hunger to possess at all costs, the joy for oneself in their company and the feeling that they are happy only when they are with you. That is Bedelia, all about winning. And poor Agnes was concerned she was always going to be no more than second-best.”

“Then why was Arthur so foolish?” Grandmama marveled. “Was he really blinded by mere physical … oh.” A far simpler and more understandable answer came to her mind. She saw that Mrs. Dowson was watching her intently. She felt the heat in her cheeks as if Mrs. Dowson could read her thoughts.

“I do not know,” Mrs. Dowson said quietly. “But I believe Maude did, and that is why Bedelia was very happy that she should remain in Persia for the rest of her life.”

The idea became firmer in Grandmama’s mind. It made sense of what was otherwise outside the character and nature of the people she had observed. Looking at Mrs. Dowson, she was certain she had guessed the same answer. She smiled across at her. “How very sad,” she said gently, aware of what an absurd understatement that was. “Poor Arthur.” She hesitated. “And poor Zachary.”

“And Agnes,” Mrs. Dowson added. “But above all, I wish that Maude had not … not suffered so.”

“But she made the best of it,” Grandmama said with an intensity of feeling, an absolute conviction that welled up inside her, driving away all doubt.

Mrs. Dowson nodded. “Maude always knew how to live. She knew the worst was there and she accepted the pain as part of the truth of things, but she chose to see the best also, and to find the joy in variety. She did not close herself off from the richness of experience. I think that was her gift. I shall miss her terribly.”

“Even though I knew her only briefly, I shall miss her also,” Grandmama confessed. “But I am profoundly grateful that I did know her. And … and gratitude is something I have not felt lately. Simply to have that back is a …” She did not know how to finish. She sniffed, pulled her emotions together with an effort, then rose to her feet. “But I have something to do. I must return to Snave and attend to it. Thank you very much for your hospitality, Mrs. Dowson, and even more for the understanding you have given me. May I wish you the joy of the season, and remembrance of all that is good in the past, together with hope for the future.”